I wrote it, and I'm wondering if you like it. My Sanctuary Running, I jump in the sand, I have landed in a far off land. Digging my toes into the ground, Seashells and crabs can be found. Happily I jump into the sea Fish and others stare back at me. Splashing my feet, I embrace The sun that shines down on my face. Suddenly there's a change of scene, I move to a place of green. Trees stand tall, Their shadows fall. Red, pink flowers Are watched for hours. One lone bench is where I stay, Watching all the others play. One cool breeze stirs my knees, I must move on Toward the dawn. Big loud bangs are all around, Men keep falling to the ground. "Watch out!" one cries, But another dies. Guns keep shooting, the war goes on, It's one big chess game, all are pawns. Even in our biggest trial We can find a place that's mild. That's why when life gets tough, I go to books, and it's enough.
2006-11-06 11:48:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
well done girl
:>peace
2006-11-06 11:50:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
human beings, heavily. "peotry" does no longer recommend "soreness and melancholy" it somewhat is approximately colourful imagery, rhythmic word selections, and cleverness. Writing approximately how unhappy you're or how lonely you're or how disillusioned you're isn't the muse for a stable peom. If I ever see one, somewhat, beneficial, happy and uplifting poem on right here, i think of i'm going to crap myself.
2016-10-21 09:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first part of it sounded like you were describing a dream, which i had to force myself to keep going, on the last part is where the poem went from bitter to sweet, a poem is a poem because it is dense with substance, and it sounded great, "war goes on...all are pawns." or better yet the last line leaves you with wanting to go back to the first part of your poem. i give it a 3.5 out of 5.
2006-11-06 12:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by Eryc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I'm speechless. I love it. It reflects on my life actually. I love it. well done. can u E-Mail it to me? that is the best poem I have read in a looooonnnngggg time. I have to say it's one of the best. I'm sooooo glad I read it. Wow!!! I know I keep repeating myself, because I'm really speechless. How long didi it take u to write???
2006-11-06 11:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by MRS. EFRON ♥ zac 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it. once apon a time a did the same like it i wrote several 4 my friends when i was 8. 50 or more i wrote email me and i can tipe u one up. Teenboy2600@yahoo.com
2006-11-06 11:55:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The whole ending isn't good. The whole chess game analogy is used too much and has lost it's impact as a war reference. But, to try is what matters, just loosen up and be more creative with your words (right now, toooooooooo obvious, no symbolism). Good luck.
2006-11-06 11:54:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I really like your imagery and it not only fits in with what is happening now but it has a timeless feel to it...very well done! Bravo!
2006-11-06 11:56:22 · answer #7 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it I read a lot of poems because ihave a friend that writes them.
2006-11-06 11:52:36 · answer #8 · answered by cathy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very nice, young lady. I wrote one too, let me know what you think.
"Its easy to grin,
When your ship comes in,
And you've got the stockmarket beat.
But a man who's worthwhile
Is a man who can smile
When his shorts are too tight in the seat."
U like?
2006-11-06 11:51:18 · answer #9 · answered by judge_smails_sir 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I like it. It's very nice
2006-11-06 11:50:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should enter it in a contest! You will probably do well with it. Maybe even win!!
2006-11-06 11:53:39 · answer #11 · answered by Jimmy Pete 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋