masterbating husband bothering me....?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 yrs and have a VERY healthy sexual relationship and are used to twice a day. He's always has this thing though where no matter how much I satisfy him and no matter how tired he is... I'll always catch him masterbating. I came home for lunch today and caught him making me feel like an inadequate wife. I look at these things he looks at (the internet like always) and then I look at myself and it makes me feel bad because it looks like those women are what he wants. I've told him about how I feel for five years. I do not look at porn unless he is with me and then it's for foreplay at night.
I guess I'm just looking for a way to deal with the fact that he's doing this. It bothers me so much I become a shut in for about a week and want no contact with him at all.
Does anyone have any ideas how I can better deal with this?
Kindred.

Answer 1

If it isn't affecting your sex life then why should it upset you? You should know that it has absolutely nothing to do with you and even though you satisfy him sexually, he's still going to want his "me" time so just let him be.

Answer 2

Oh, c'mon, you have a guy who is interested in having sex all of the damn time, and then you're put off by the fact that he has normal urges to look at porn and masturbate to it? Seriously... I have not yet met a normal guy with a normal sex drive who didn't look at porn at one time or another. It really isn't something for you to worry about - unless it's an addiction, and he can't control it. If this is the case - ask him to get medical help for it. Otherwise, perhaps he could be more discreet and respectful? I do agree that he needs to at least not be so blatantly obvious about it.

Truth be told, my husband doesn't seem to have any interest in porn whatsoever. One would think - oh, wow, how great, what a great guy! Well, here's the catch: he doesn't really have much of an interest in sex in general, and is pretty much content to forgo sex for weeks (or months) at a time. It's ok with me, cuz I can do the same thing... we do a lot of other things together, it's just sex is rarely on the agenda.

All I'm saying is, be careful what you wish for.

Answer 3

I have know 3 men who did the same things to their wives, and the husbands ended up cheating. Only one admitted after it was too late that he was addicted to porn, and the fantasy of other "strange" women. Just because these men cheated, doesn't mean that your husband will. He should respect you and stop watching the porn, and masterbating. People keep telling you that you don't need to get over worked about the situation, but your husband needs to put you and your marriage first. Marriage is a partnership. So many coulples end in divorce because of lack of communication and response. Good luck!

Answer 4

Why don't you try to get in on the action? Start being a part of it and masterbate him. Maybe this will help. They are going to do it anyhow no matter how much they get it, it seems to be a part of how many men are wired. Be a part of it, masterbate him on your lunch if you work close to home or in the morning. Don't feel bad about yourself, they know they could never get those women on the internet, nor would they want them. It is just a fantasy and a stimulant. Good luck!

Answer 5

It's easy for us to say don't take it personally, but you shouldn't. Self-pleasuring is a natural thing. Like others have already stated, its a fantasy thing. He's not thinking about you, another woman are anyone in particular, just pleasuring. He may need counseling, whereas it is not something he could stop doing probably without it. Not like he is playing pick up basketball, it's more like a smoking habit.

Try and be patient but if it bothers you that much make him seek help. If he refuses that, then you have a problem because he is definitely not trying for you.

PS. To the lady that divorced her husband for watching porn....WOW Thats like saying my husband watched MTV and I left over it. It's tv, imaginary....

Answer 6

You have to talk to him, This is hurting your self esteem. I know everyone here is saying youshould be thankful, but if you hurt, then you need to talk about it. Maybe it's something in you, or a combo.

Is porn an integral part of your love life? Is it necessary for him to see that in order to be with you? If that's the case, time to do something else and discuss him wanting you and not the chicks on the screen. Make an effort - communicate. His mind needs to get unlocked from the porn.

These are just ideas... but if it were me, and I caught my gf doing this a lot, I'd tell her to find me attractive, hot and do-able, or hit the bricks and find someone else. I wonder how quickly that would work for you... 10 minutes is my guess.

Answer 7

Masterbation is healthy and normal. Women who masterbate have orgasms more frequently and more easily. Married women who masterbate are more satisfied with their sex life. Do you masterbate? If you don't, you should.

Your problem with masterbation is YOUR problem. Your husband is completely normal and healthy. You feel this way because YOU ARE INSECURE. Confidence and self-esteem come from within. It is not up to your husband to increase your confidence/self esteem. You need to address these issues, STOP BLAMING YOUR HUSBAND FOR YOUR INSECURITIES. IT IS NOT HIS FAULT!!

A women who is confident and has self esteem realizes that masterbation is a normal, healthy part of your sex life. Having sexual fantasies and masterbating does not mean that you love your husband less, in fact, it improves a married couples sex life. Many studies have proven this fact.

Your problem is all in your head, because you are insecure. If your husband was not satisfied with your sexually, he wouldn't be married to you, he would be with someone else. Stop being cruel and punishing your husband for normal behaviour. If you continue to do this he will leave you for a women with more confidence/self esteem. Shutting him out of your life will only cause him to eventually find a woman who is more understanding and has confidence.

Looking at pornography is only a problem if he prefers it to having sex with you or he does it so often that it inteferes with his life (addiction). I don't have a problem with porn. It's fine to view it occasionally; however, I choose not to be with a man who is addicted to it. That's grounds for dumpsville. Pornography can be stimulating for both men and women.

NOBODY CAN 'MAKE' YOU FEEL ANYTHING (referring to your comment about him making you feel like an inadequate wife). OWN YOUR FEELINGS!! Any therapist will tell you this, including Dr. Phil. YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings!!!

Answer 8

Either your husband needs to get counseling for sexual addiction to save your marriage, or you need to get counseling to understand that he has fantasies, or (more likely) both of you need counseling to understand the other partner's needs.

You came home at lunch unexpectedly it seems? Sounds to me like he was trying to be discrete by doing it when you're not expected to be home as opposed to doing it while you're in the house, knowing you could find him in the process. Since you mentioned that you've told him that you don't like this behavior, perhaps he was trying to do you a favor by taking care of it without concerning you again.

I doubt you're inadequate. Men have fantasies, regardless of what you (or anyone else) expects. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It's a good book. Check it out before paying for very expensive counseling.

Answer 9

I too was in a similar relationship and he was just plain over sexed! I had a breakdown as it became abusive. I understand his mastubarting would make you feel inadequate,but he is the one with the problem,not you. I heard via the man I was involved with there is medication that will curb his "appetite", so maybe that is an option you could look into? He would have to be agreeable to it though.Good luck,and hey! You are not inadequate!

Answer 10

Men have a different sex drive than women usually. It is you who is making you feel inadequate not him. Being sexy is not always to do with having a great body. It's about attitude. Next time, why not join in? He would probably get a huge kick out of it and it would certainly spice things up for both of you.

Answer 11

I feel ya girl. I know exactly how the guy feels too. He is probably unable to stop looking. You never gonna accept it. Two dead ends. Get counseling or join him. Remove the internet. Its the real killer here. Its like asking a alcoholic to stop drinking and there is a case of cold buds in the fridge. What do you think is gonna happen when he is weak.