I am in a relationship with someone that has three kids from her first marriage.The problem is her oldest son,he is 14.He is hatefull,lazy,and a bully to his siblings as well as my 6yr old son.They live with me and im going nuts.No matter what he does I cant say anything.When I do im picking on him and I dont like him.His mom always backs him up,whether it be by a comment or just her actions.His brother which is 12 and his sister is 5 are both scared of him.Dont get me wrong he isnt the boy from hell but he causes alot of problems for me.I love his mom dearly but yesterday she stuck up for him and started saying well your kids this and that.Needless to say she ended up scratching my face bad enough it bled for about 35 mins.Everyone at work wanted to know what the heck happened to me.I know she loves me and I do her but is it worth it?I feel trapped!Please any help would be appreciated.
2006-11-06 09:51:05 · 17 answers · asked by porkchophaynes0206 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think that when anyone feels trapped in any relationship it is time to really take a step back and re-evaluated what their doing with their life.
If it was just you and not with your son my advise would be, to
give it another shot. You say she loves you, and you lover her? She may have just freaked out this one time and hurt you or it may have just been the beginning. Doesn't really matter because your having to make excuses to how it all happened. sucks!
Unfortunately your six year old son is involved. Many people do not realize how traumatizing situations are to young children. They remember everything, usually the bad over the good. It comes down to doing whats best for your son. Especially when you have to consider that children will underhandedly be mean and find ways to get back at whoever has hurt or made them angry. Her older and much bigger son may see that by hurting your son he can get to you.
You cannot watch this older boy around your son, 24-7. Its impossible, and she has already taken his side, previously, over yours. How she will react in the future with a small child and accusations against her son? I think that your son is very vulnerable in a situation like this.
He may not be Satan's spawn but, the boys brother and sister are obviously scared of him for some reason. Children see much more than adults do.
2006-11-06 10:09:57 · answer #1 · answered by ~brigit~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should leave her, now. While her children must always come first, if you are to be a true partner in a relationship with her, her children must respect and listen to you. It sounds like they have no control in their life now, and even if you are willing to give it, without moms support, you will lose. Also, she is verbally attacking your kids, which is not good for their emotional development and becoming physically abusive to you. Remembering battering can occur to both sexes. Maybe you moving on will cause her to reevaluate her position with you, or counseling will help, but at this point your in a no win situation and need to be more concerned about the well bieng of your self and your child. After all, how long before he is bullied about by this 14 year old.
2006-11-06 17:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he is going through the teenage your not my dad u cant tell me what to do sit him down have a chat with him when no one else is n the house u took your new girlfriend on and u new she had kids and that it would not always be plain sailing when u have this chat say to him life would be better in this house if u did not pick on the other siblings perhaps find out what he likes and u 2 go out for the day together and have some bonding time u will probably realize he is not that bad after all
2006-11-06 17:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well no one else seemed to bring it up, but if your significant other is scratching your face, and throwing things back at you rather than listening to you, maybe the situation needs some BIG help SOON or it will only get uglier.
if you want to make it work, in light of physical abuse, then I'd say you need to have a big talk with her and counceling might be a good idea. maybe some time apart so you can reflect on things would be a good idea.
if you didnt want to be with her anymore, i dont think any of us would tell you to stay.
good luck
2006-11-06 19:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by blugrnlg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take control now or you never will. Don't watch him so much, just be strong and concentrate on the other kids. He might decide he is missing out and straighten up a little bit. At least she won't be mad at you, she'll be happy to see her others kids and yours getting along, keep the harmony as good as you can. There has to be a positive element or it's hopeless. That's about all you can do.
2006-11-06 17:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you sit down with the woman and discuss the matter away from all of the children but if she has already resorted to violence it is going to take a lot of work and professional third party intervention to work through this problem. just keep in mind the impact this relationship will have on your own child.
2006-11-06 18:09:33 · answer #6 · answered by a1bigpapa63 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the word "step", you are his father.
You might consider giving this a try with the 14 year old, concerning reaching him>>>
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Ephesians 6:3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
2006-11-06 18:07:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. If she loved you, shy did she scratch you? Why is she hurting you? I don't know how you can solve because I don't know how to teach kids to behave myself. Goodluck, and I'm sorry to hear that situation. I can understand how you feel. Maybe try talking to the dad, and the kids. Tell them what you tolerate and what you don't tolerate. Put a discipline or some kind of punishment to teach the kid how to behave better.
2006-11-06 18:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by leazngurl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All 14 year olds are lazy, bullies to younger siblings and back talk. You need to accept that some of it is normal.
Ya'll obviously need family therapy to work out some of these problems you cannot on your own.
2006-11-06 17:53:20 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay i'm 17 and i'm kinda of in that position, cuz my dad got together with this girl who has 2 kids that are 17 and 16 but are assholes to him all the time, but if i say anything wrong to her, i have to apologies, it will get harder and harder, trust ME, but if you love her you should find some way for it to work
2006-11-06 17:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋