Am I being to hard on my 13 yr old daughter?

Question

i have a 13 yrs old daughter who driving me crazy about wanting to talk to boys. I know that she is not ready and I am trying to teach her the christian way to live. She always compare her self to her older brothers. I don't know if i am being fare. What I do know is that she is a follower not a leader. She cries every day when things don't go her way. And she tells me that I am old fashion and that time has changed.

Answer 1

I truly believe that you are doing the right thing. who knows their child best besides a mother. If you feel your child is not ready by all means hold off. I am a mother of a thirteen year old and she is very aware that she will not be allowed to date until she is sixteen years old. sound decisions should be made as a mother, women, and most of all a christian women. trust me she will thank you later, I also have a soon to be nineteen year old daughter who is still a virgin because I chose to raise her god's way and she thanks me right now today!

Answer 2

Recognize that her urges are natural. She's at a difficult age in her age - she's not a child or a sheep any longer, but she doesn't yet know how to be an adult or a leader, because no one has shown her how. You need to give her the chance to act like an adult, but at the same time realize that she's going to make mistakes.

At 13, her hormones are running amok - of course she's going to be moody and cry all the time and be dramatic over little things. You need to show respect for what she's going through, while also staying firm about what behavior is and is not acceptable.

Try having "practice sessions" with her. Have her act or write out what her conversations with these boys would be like. Once she's finished, highlight the parts that worry you, and explain to her the potential problems and work together to find solutions. Then offer her your own scenarios, starting with very mild (he wants to kiss her) and working up to very bad (he tries to hurt her). Discuss what her appropriate responses for each might be.

If you tell your daughter she is a sheep, and think of her as a sheep, then that is what she'll be. If you tell her she is brave, intelligent, honorable woman, and give her ways to prove herself, she just might amaze you! =)

Answer 3

You lost control somewhere along the line by not bringing her up to look up to you for the truth. She is no longer "with" you, she has been conscripted by her peers, and the lowest denominator among them. They are telling her what a bummer you are. Is there a father? Is he involved or is he already scared of her?
You can't teach the christian way unless she has been brought up in a strict practicing christian home. Your words mean nothing, only your actions. Is she in a private school? That would be a good idea. Where did she get so hot so soon for "boys?" What movies and tv have you let her see? Are you aware of the content? When she goes "with friends" do you check to make sure that is where she is at? Is she alone with a computer? Do you block all the porno and sights such as My Space? Who is she talking to? Do you know? Most importantly is her school attendance and grades. If they are bad or getting worse then you have a big, serious problem. Tough love needs to come in here. Counseling with a good therapist - MFFC or LCSW - is needed. You must gather all the information and evidence before you start clamping down. When you get the evidence post another question providing the evidence and asking us where you should go now? Good luck

Answer 4

It's more than you're not being hard enough, in a sense. You're trying to be both a mom and a best friend to her and you need to simply be the mom. I applaud you for your efforts in trying to teach her the right way to live, and I'm sure you have reminded her that she cannot compare her life with that of her older brothers because she's not them and their rules don't apply to her and vise versa. She cries because she knows it will upset you and she just might get her way. She's just trying to push the envelope to see how far she can get. When she doesn't get her way, she complains that you're old fashion and that times of changed.

Essentially, give her no wiggle room. If she pushes back, take away a priviledge (cell phone, computer time, time spent with her friends, etc), and STICK TO IT. She needs to learn where you draw the line. Don't let her tears get to you, yes she's upset, but most of it is Drama Queen not getting her way.

Remember the t-shirt that came out several years ago that read: BECAUSE I'M THE MOM, THAT'S WHY! That's a great rule to follow.

Answer 5

Me and my parents being Christians I personally think that you are being a little too hard on her I mean she is 13 and doesn't talk to guys......I mean talking to guys and hanging out with guys is good in ways just I think make sure you know who the guy is or she may do what I did I hung around other friends that could be around guys without my parents knowing and I went against what they said so I would say just know the guy and maybe his parents........you may be a lil old fashion depending on how you handle this situation but hey all parents are when you get to the bottom of it =)

Hope I was a lil help!

Answer 6

I have a 12 yr. old daughter in 7th grade. She is in a christian school. The drama w/the boys is big but she tends to handle it well. She does have a crush on a boy but she is not allowed to talk on the phone unless it's regarding school or a church event. She does not have a cell phone or ipod or her own email address - she's the youngest of 3 - 2 other boys. If your daughter is mad, oh well - you are not her 'friend,' but her mom. If she cries, oh well. Don't over react, be there for her but keep the rules firm. As she gets older & more mature, you can let out the rope slowly - we only have one chance to raise them and we need to know weve done it to the best of our ability!! Hang in there, Mom - she'll thank you someday.

Answer 7

I have a 14 yr. old daughter. She also is always telling me I old fashion. And old people don't know nothing. And she always telling me about her older brother too.So your not alone thats for sure.I believe it's there age and new times. Like my daughter she a follower too. My daughter knows enough and has enough common sense to not to let things get to far. And I bet your daughter doe's to. We need to trust them. Let go of the rope but have a strong hold on it and don't let go to far. Always get a phone number or location we she at. But do give her some space or she can or will go to far.

Answer 8

I, being the mother of a 13 year old boy! can kind of relate.........The kids seem to be growing up faster and faster.....and I think with fewer and fewer mom's staying at home to watch them they can get into some pretty bad situations.......What I would say is do you trust you daughter?....Do you trust what you have taught her so far......I totally trust my son......he has never given me any reason to doubt him.....Anyways.....Start slow by giving her some small (meaningless) privileges.......Like she can go to the movies or the bowling alley or what ever with her friends and even hang out for a while after wards........See how she handles the situation.....And take it from there the more trustworthy she proves to be the more you can allow her to do.......Because you know she will do the "right" thing or call you if she gets into trouble.....Don't get me wrong we still have rules.....ie: door open in room if friends are over, computer limits, cell phone limits, that kind of stuff....They still have to understand your the parent.....But it never hurts to TRY to be kind of cool.....At least sometimes? I have also had some really, really hard talks with my son about girls, and sex, and drinking and drugs......That kind of stuff......I don't want his friends telling him first.

Answer 9

I am a 16 year old girl from a Christian household with 3 younger siblings. From my own experience through myself and my younger siblings, 13-year olds can't help but begin to be interested in guys. You can't change that, it's hormonal, a part of nature. In my opinion, you should not try to completely cut your daughter off from guys, but instead just make sure that she knows the reason for your worry and that she knows how to be safe when with guys (alone or with a group). Be cautious as a parent, but not controlling. Kids will listen to cautious over controlling anyday (including myself :) ).
This is generally how my parents are with me and my siblings, and our family is very close. Sure, we have arguments here and there, but they tend to get resolved quickly, and we end up closer together, partially because of their cautios but not overbearing nature. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 10

Yeah times have changed and not for the better. Stick to what your doing. What does a 13 yr old know about what is good for her anyway ? Absolutely nothing. You know what boys at this age want and your her only savior. Make sure to have a talk with her too before she does start spending time with boys. You dont need to be her friend, you need to be her mother.

Answer 11

It's fine you want to show your daughter how to live a christian life, but don't stop her from opening up on how she feels. Talk to her and give her some pointers and such. She may think you're being unfair because she has to abide by a different set of rules than her brothers do. That is unfair...maybe you should think about the rule situation.