How do I call it quits after 4 years?

Question

I've been with this guy for 4 years now. I love him a lot (as in I care about him), I don't feel IN LOVE with him anymore, He is a great guy and he would never ever cheat on me or do anything to intentionally hurt me. He always tries to make me feel good about myselt too. However, we are so very different and we've always tried to work things out but in four years it seems we've gotten nowhere. We fight a lot and we do communitcate to eachother but nothing has changed. Lately I don't feel in love anymore, Like I think we would be better people without eachother. But whenever I think about leaving him I get sad, when we do get along we're perfect. What should I do, help.

I guess I should've added the important detail that we are engaged and live together.

This is to Mocha,
I accepted his proposal over a year ago, alot can happen in that time. Our wedding wont be until after I get my degree, so I want to make sure I fix things before then, if I can. Thanks for the help though.

Answer 1

Part of what your feeling could be related to the constant fighting. Are you "in love" with him when you are together and not fighting? If you've completely lost it, then it is time to break up. Honesty is always best, but you have to keep his feelings in mind. What you've said here is the best thing to say to him. You're not placing blame and seem to have a very mature attitude about it.

Answer 2

i think of there is something deeper going at right here and you will no longer basically like the respond. First, if he relatively loves you, then he could be one hundred% selfless. meaning while you're moody or experience that hormonal delivery administration is inflicting issues, then he must be supportive. because of the fact he's no longer, it relatively is all approximately his sexual exhilaration and needs. 2nd, and right here is the advice this is the toughest, provide up the delivery administration one hundred% and avert sexual activities for 6 months on an analogous time as you get your hormonal rhythm back. this might make it easier to 2 to form each and every thing out. At this factor, he ought to decide for the purchase the cow or quit ingesting the milk for unfastened. Too many ladies decide for (or enable) sexual intercourse to define intimacy of their relationships, which fools themselves into believing it relatively is the genuine deal and an enduring subject. in certainty, if the guy, who says he relatively loves you, won't seal the deal via soliciting on your hand in marriage is telling you that he does no longer prefer to supply himself one hundred% to you and be open to new existence and being a husband and father. you may change between 2 dozen varieties of delivery administration and a nil.5 dozen companions until eventually now you come across that what i'm typing is genuine.

Answer 3

Tell him what you just told us. Don't do it in the middle of a fight, do it calmly when you both are in a good mood. If you would like him to, see if he's willing to work on things with you and actually commit to it. If you think an ultimatum will work, tell him either things get better or you leave. If you are having doubts, think hard before you break it off. Do you really want to never kiss him, hug him, be around him anymore? Do you really want it to be COMPLETELY over?

Answer 4

Being engaged and living together are commitments that are supposed to lead up to the major lifetime commitment of marriage. If you truely feel this way then better to end it now than 5 years and 2 kids from now when honestly nothing will change, except for the resentment you will feel toward him and yourself for not acting on your instincts now. Loving someone and living with them are really different things, tell him how you feel and part sad and friendly rather than sad and pissed off.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

If the relationship is great on your part I'd try to cope because not many guys are like that, but if you think it's halted then tell him in a soft, loving voice. "I know we've been together for a long time, but I think our relationship has slowed down. I think it would be better for us to see different people. It's not just you, but me too.".
You will most likely feel guilty about it, but you both will eventually get over it.

Answer 6

Tell him you don't feel the love anymore.... it might change he might show you affection like you wouldn't believe. another thing people don't seem to understand... fighting is normal. its so healthy to fight its not funny. fighting as in argue not punch ups.
Its like when you grew up with you family you fought all the time because your always with each other. 4 years is a long time to be with someone and then realize that they might not be the one.
If you really feel strongly about this break up with him and let him get on with his life. Just rememeber there is not many guys like this these days, hopefully you are just going thru a hard time.

Answer 7

Girl, you hit the nail on the head! I am in this same situation. I think that happiness comes first, I keep thinking am I more happy with him or happy without him. I then look at him and he is so sexy, so I don't want to see anyone else with him but he gets on my nerves so much at times. I stick with it for more months, then years but still unhappy. I have good days and then he ruins them with some attitude or something that makes me want to pack up and leave but I don't. This is a hard decision but I think I am leaving so I think you need to get out too and start a new life without him and see if your happier. If not then keep in touch and use this distance to see if it is something you both want and if it doesn't work out, get back together but if it does then Great! Good Luck, I need to practice what I preach so I am getting out too just to see if it is what we both need.

Answer 8

Why did you accept his proposal if you new that you weren't in love with him. All you can do now is just be honest with him. You are going to hurt him I hope that you know that. Maybe yall can still be friends. Sometimes that's the best way to be. Most people get along better just by being friends.

Answer 9

I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Then try a break for a little. See how that work. If it doesn't work out then you and him need to come to a understanding. Be friends after all of this.

Answer 10

maybe this is just a stage for you.. a temprary period of hard goings. so stick around because giving up 4 years is not just throwing something in the trash.. there need to be a lot of thought put into this before it is permaenant.