My wife and I are going through a divorce and the pretrial is in 3 weeks, untill then she will not let me...?

Question

My wife and I are going through a divorce and the pretrial is in 3 weeks, untill then she will not let me...?
visit our newborn son unsupervised and since I dont agree with that I dont visit. I do have a drug and drinking problem that has led to my arrest and hospitalization but I have been sober for 3 months and holding a steady job. I have not seen my son in 3 weeks and when I last asked to bring him to my house she refused because she does not like my family and thinks I am not sober. What do you think? I also have quit handing her cash because I will only buy baby supplies....if she asks...what should I do? I am asking the judge for joint custody, I live with my mother and want my son to visit me there...do you think the judge will agree? I also have a personality disorder, does this matter?

Answer 1

Wake up! She is doing what is best for The child, 3 weeks is something good dont get me wrong, but does not erase your unstableness! you have a personality disorder and you deserve to see your child SUPERVISED! sorry . Until you can prove you are responsible, and not seeing your child because its not your terms and not paying $$ is not being responsible, if anything its paving the way for her to get all she wants!

Get help, and try your hardest to prove your trying to get your life straight,,,, If you are only awarded supervised visitation, BE HAPPY! your rights could be revoked period!

Also, in texas the father cannot have overnight visits until the child is older than 3 anyway.

Take what you can get and be happy!

Answer 2

Don't know what your chances are as far as joint custody, but as far as paying her support you need to that regardless if she lets you see the baby or not. That looks better on your part. However, do not ever under any circumstances give her cash. I had a boyfriend who did that and when they broke up (the child was three) they went to court and since he gave her cash he had no proof so he had to pay her back support for those three years so it was like paying what he already had all over again. Give her a check and keep a copy of it, or a money order, or if you really want to do it the right way go to court to get the support issue taken care of. Tell them that you want to pay support but you want to make sure that it is done the right way and they will set something up with you. You will actually pay them and then they will issue her a check so then there is record of it right through the court. Your courthouse should have a division for child support. As for the rest, at least you are trying to do the right thing. Don't let other people's posts of putting you down make you feel like you are not worthy of seeing your child. No parent has the right to keep a child away from the other parent. You are doing the right thing by trying to straighten your life. You will probably run into a lot of people along the way that want to cut you down but don't listen to them. Stay strong and remember that you have a child out there now that needs you. The personality disorder is not your fault i'm sure. You need to see someone about it and get prescribed some medication. This may be the reason you have the other problems. Take care of yourself first then worry about your rights as far as your child goes. In the meantime pay the support and get things back on track. If you do this nobody can deny you the right to be part of your babies life.

Answer 3

Except of the drugs and alcohol part, I'm in the same boat. My kids are 6 and 1. You can get a court order to get visitation, but since the pretrial is only 3 weeks, I would say grin and bear it. Who is supposed to supervise while you're with your son? If it can be a relative or friend, just have your wife meet you somewhere to pick up your child. Legally, she can't really stipulate visitation, and it takes a hell of alot to prove a parent unfit. But right now, do the supervised if you really want to see him that bad, beats fighting with her.

Answer 4

Well...it sounds like you have a lot of problems and are working on them. You must see the reality that you have violated trust and it must be earned again. It will not be easy. I think you should take the supervised visits. By example show that you are not just trying but are doing whatever is necessary to straighten out your life and become the kind of father your son needs. You have been clean for 3 months...that is great...but how many months or years has there been hell because of your problems. Maybe you expect too much too fast. It is up to you to rebuild the trust. Be patient it may take a very long time.

Answer 5

First--Stay sober and volunteer for a drug screen.

Second--you are not legally required to pay Child Support until a court orders you to do so. (so buying supplies is just fine at this point--and very generous since she won't let you see your baby)

However, I would think the Judge is gonna frown on her keeping the child away from you--especially if she has no 'real' reason to do so. Like you said--you live with your mom now, so if you had the baby overnight, someone else would be there--and if not, big deal. She's convicting you before you are proven guilty--such is life with a crazy ex. The fact that she doesn't like your family shouldn't matter.

Take your boss to the hearing to testify on your behalf---that you are always on time to work, dependable, and no signs of drug/alcohol use. Then, have your mom testify that she has had no problems with you since you moved in.

And surely your wife is not perfect. Has she ever had a drink and then drove home? What's to say then she would not do that with your child in the car. Can she devote as many hours per week to the child as you and your mother can? It's a two way street big guy. Make a list of her flaws and let her know the game is on.

And go see the child for now anyway--according to her plan--you don't want her to be able to say that you don't care about the baby and that must be so b/c you wouldn't come visit. (She's weilding her power here, suck it up until the PT hearing)

And as for BI of the child----it's in the BI to have both parents involved--don't think for a second you won't get to see your child until he/she is 3 like that one writer said----

Finally--go get a lawyer--I'm one who loves representing men, but I can't help you now, can I? Good luck!

Kathy

Criminal defense and family law attorney

Answer 6

Its going to be a hard case to win joint custody. You have to prove your a good father and not to judge you but you not going to see your son no matter what the circumstances is making you look bad. Your being stubborn. Personally i think you should take what your given and work your way up. Three months is not long enough to change your behavior completely. Its too soon to judge since you can relapse. You need to give it time. But in the mean time just visit your son when she allows you. Can i ask you a question? Can you blame her for being scared?

Answer 7

I think your wife has every right to not allow you to visit with your new born son un-supervised..You stated that you have a drug and drinking problem and you have now been sober for three months (congratulations), but I'm sure you will really have to prove to your wife that you are clean and sober...trust I'm sure is no longer in your relationship with your wife because of your problem. So only time and you staying clean and sober will help you gain the confidance back from your wife!

I've be sober now for 1 year...have no children, but I am working on regaining the respect and confidance back from my husband.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

Your wife is doing what she thinks is best for baby and good for her. I come from a family of drug/alcohol abusers bi-polar/adhd/add diagnosed - yeah we're a healthy bunch. I can say from experience that 3 months although great and a long time for a recovering addict, is NOT a long enough to forgive/forget for the loved ones who have suffered while you've been sick. If you stay sober and remain reasonable you may have a fighting chance with the judge. If you let your anger and resentment for not seeing your son go hostile, I don't see how you will win this one. Take it easy, look to the long term future. Have you tried marriage counseling? A judge may look to your favor if you are willing to get therapy with your wife. In sickness and in health..shame on her for abandoning you when you weren't well, maybe she will help you with your recovery in counseling. good luck.

Answer 9

Ummm, well don't know about the personality disorder, but...if you have witnesses to being sober for three months, and you have a steady job, there is no reason not to get joint custody. As for her not letting him go to your mother's...she has grandparent rights, which hold up in court! I would get a sponsor through AA or NA, and a lawyer. It's your bst chance! Good Luck!

Answer 10

Are you being serious?! No the judge will not agree and thats because its in the best interest of the baby. Alot of judges in these cases wont even allow you access to your child until he is 3! Furthermore she is entitled to child support beyond you buying diapers. My husbands ex gf had the same issues your describing in your question and for 4 years she was not allowed contact alone with the child and had to be drug tested prior to each visit. If you were my babies daddy honestly I'd hide from you so you couldnt subject the child to any of your issues.