We had a baby in January '06 and because of the costs of daycare vs. how much I could make, I stayed home to take care of the baby. Things were okay for the first six months when he was on deployment and we were getting extra money. Now that he is home...things cost more money like water bill, grocery bill, utility bill, his smoking bill, gas for him to drive to work AND I'm not working. When we moved into our current residence last year-before the baby came, I kept telling him that we needed rent to be around $800 a month. He insisted that we move into something "up to his standards." We ended up paying $1350 a month!! Now the car payment is 60 days behind, we got a final notice on the power bill and we had to borrow money to pay rent this month from one of those short term lenders. When I try to talk to him our debt, he gets really mad and asks me HOW? Never wanting to talk about a solution to the problem.
2006-11-06 08:50:26 · 16 answers · asked by Mommy2be 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His solution to everything is "we'll just get a loan for it."
For example..I told him we need to sell our extra vehicle cause we cannot afford the payments. He said he would still need another car, so he would just go get another loan for it!!
I want to concentrate on how we can fix the problem. All he seems to want to concentrate on is-how it happened. But at this point, with our car being threatened with reposession, it doesn't matter how it happened. We need to really attack this! I am really upset and really scared.
2006-11-06 08:52:52 · update #1
Our finances have been spiraling out of control for several months now....
2006-11-06 08:56:48 · update #2
i was like that at one time.....a long time ago! i thought i could do better..........she gave me all the responsibility of paying everything...managing it all........i was wrong......& stupid! so let him run the show.........till its time to buy candles....then threaten to go back home/a friend with baby .....unless he listens & lets you show him how things can be better.....or a soultion to the problems....because you & the baby cant live in a house without power,water....ect..& you need the car ...you have a baby......youll b the taxi......if he wont do it .......then he doesnt care about you 2......
2006-11-06 09:15:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The reason he's mad is he doesn't see a solution to the problem but u may have to take matters into your own hands. Show him all the bills and then show him his pay stub. Maybe then he will realize that u two are spending more money that he is making. Also, u can help him by working part time.
Start looking for apartment listings in your price range and start calling around. Limit your usage of utilities. Getting another loan will only put u more in the hole. He needs to realize that u will only end up paying for the interests. Also, at $1350/month, u could be paying for a mortgage instead of renting.
2006-11-06 17:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the biggest problem is all that rent money going down the draine. I don't wanna pay more than 600 bucks a month. I'm cheap. But the smaller the better becasue the electril bill is only about 20 bucks a month. If he is in the army, call his chain of command and get his unit finanical adviser involved and they will force him to pay the bills.
2006-11-06 17:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Casey 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, there is no way that your husband could not realize that you are in debt. He lives in the house just as you do and is aware that he is the only one working. Being in denial will not make bills just go away, they will eventually have to be paid or you two will be homeless with a baby. Any man that sought to be a provider and head of his household would ensure that his home and finances are under control.
2006-11-06 18:48:25 · answer #4 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd dump the checkbook and the bills in his lap and tell him to deal with it - since you've tried talking to him about it and he won't participate in a reasonable conversation. He can't afford to live "up to his standards." Standards need to fall by the wayside when there's a child involved.
2006-11-06 16:52:48 · answer #5 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, make a chart of all the bills and all the income. While you're sitting there in the Dark missing the game and with a candle lit, show him the chart and ask if he now gets it.
2006-11-06 16:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to go to a Christian church and ask for prayer. Prayer is very powerful. Trust me I know. The Pastor can also give you good Godly advice. Read "Power of a Praying Wife"
by Stormie Omartian. Very good.
I pray all goes well with you & family.
2006-11-06 18:29:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i agree, balance out the checkbook and leave it there with the disconnection notices and repo notices and forget about it--when he sees where your financial state is at, ask him to discuss how things can get better and ask him to commit to making things better.... if he turns it around so that he is just repeating himself in so many ways, wanting to know how it happened, then just check out of the conversation... refuse to fight with him. tell him what is done is done, and you need to think of solutions.... VERBS NOT ADVERBS .
he seems a little irrational... maybe there is a bigger problem? has he been "okay" since coming back from deployment?
2006-11-06 17:00:35 · answer #8 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How what? How did we get into this mess you mean? I think you need to make an appointment with the bank manager, maybe he will listen to a letter he receives from the bank. Go talk to him about your problem, he maybe able to offer some useful advice.
2006-11-06 16:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by lollipoppett2005 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps you can work on weekends to help make ends meet? Leave the bills for him.....when he cant see, cook or a watch tv he might take a hint
2006-11-06 16:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by liyah's mommy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋