if your thirteen year old daughter comes to you and tells you...?

Question

i lost my virginity, what would you say ?

Answer 1

Ask her if she has a boyfriend. Ask her if she used protection and if she is planning on doing it again. If so, offer to provide her with the birth control pill. If she just did it with some guy you can express your concern to her, but DO NOT tell her she can't do it again, because that'll only make her want to do it more. She's going to do it again if she wants to, so forbidding her will only make her rebel. I would be very upset that she was so young although less upset if she had a boyfriend I liked. But I would discuss with her pregnancy in a very non-judgmental way, like ask her what she has thought about doing if she becomes pregnant, and if she hasn't thought about it, lovingly let her know that she might not want to be having sex if she can't handle that responsibility. Getting pregnant is an experience that no 13-year-old is ready for, but neither is an abortion, so just give her the facts, not a lecture. Let her make her own decisions but make sure she knows that if she's having sex with different guys that she needs to use a condom to help prevent STDs. I'm sorry this has happened!

Answer 2

I would probably say "What?!" "What happened?" "Did someone take advantage of you (i.e rape)?"

Then it would take a minute to compute. I would probably get upset and cry. Once I regained my composure I would applaud her for having the courage to tell me. I would then ask why she didn't come to me before when she was thinking about it (or console her and tell her it's okay and not her fault, if rape). Then I would sit down and have a nice big talk with her about responsibility, protection, etc...And throughout this conversation I would probably repeated mention that I don't want her to do it again until she is all grown up (21 years old). Then I would make an appointment to get her examined by the GYN and let the GYN have another discussion with her about sex. And if god forbid she was raped I would get a pregnancy test (or if I discovered no protection was used). Then it would probably just go from there.

Answer 3

I would be considerate. Look at the world we live in today! Even if you are the best parent in the world, people are only human and WILL make mistakes. If you don't forgive her, she may do something stupid, or it may just hurt her and haunt her. And please be mindful that it takes two to tango, so don't yell at her. The guy was wrong too. I'd say that if you tell her the lectures on unsafe sex and pregnancy, and if you tell her that you'll be there for her no matter what, take her and get her checked for STD's and STI's, and maybe set her up on a birth-control plan, I'd say that your mother-daughter relationship will still survive. But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don't tell her what a dumb mistake it was, because obviously, she already knows that, or she wouldn't have come to you and confessed it.

Answer 4

First I would ask if it was consensual and with a boy, then take her to the doctor to check for std and pregnancy. If she is all right, call the cops and sue the guy, she is not old enough to legally consent for sex or any other life altering choices. but thank her for coming clean with me.

Then talk to her about not having sex now and just wait a little longer, and explain to her that I will get her birth control myself when she is old enough.
but still try to keep her on a close watch. To prevent her from making the same mistake again.

Answer 5

I have a 13 year old and if she came home to tell me that, I think that I would immediately thank her for coming and telling me, but that I would need a little time to collect my thoughts. This would be a very important moment that I wouldn't want to screw up.

Depending on the situation, I wouldn't know what to say right away. I definitely know from experience not to try to have a conversation with her while I was in shock or pissed off.

I would probably want to know the obvious questions like did you use protection? Who? Why? . Then I would probably take her to our family doctor to get her on birth control.

Answer 6

I'm 15 but I know I wouldn't be mad. I would be glad that she came and trusted rather than sneaking around. You daughter is trying to be honest with you and you should be grateful. Just be sure to tell her the consequences that could come of sex and be sure to tell her how to protect herself with condoms and birth control of some sort. also let her know to only have sex if she feels she is ready and not to be pressured into it.

Answer 7

I would ask her if she is ok. It may have been very traumatic for her and even life scarring. I would also find out 'when' in case there needs to be a follow up Doctor visit.
I DO have a 13 year old daughter and although we have talked and both know that she is not ready for sex, it CAN happen. I would be proud of her for doing the 'right' thing and letting me know so that we can deal with the issue together.

Answer 8

I would at first feel as if it were my fault that I let her be alone with a boy and she is only 13 and then I would be upset at her because i wanted her to wait until she were older and knew about her choices more and then i would talk with her about the things that could happen if she continues to have sex.

Answer 9

theres nothing really that u can do about it. i mean. its already over with. u should ask her if she regrets doing what she did and y she thought she done it. and tell her that she shoulda waited but i mean look at it this way if u dont start talkin to her now bout this kinda stuff. the stuff she does behind ur back now could get worse in the future

Answer 10

Thankfully, I'd like to think that I have a 13 y/o who will come to me and say..."Mom I love my boyfriend, he loves me and I want to give myself to him..... Where I would say " Girl, have you lost your have you lost your freakin' mind!?!?!?! No really......My daughter and I have an open door policy and I have told her that when ever that time comes and she thinks that she may want to go to that level with a boy, she will come and talk to me and I will arm her with the proper knowledge to the right decision. However, if she chose to "go there" without coming to me first, I would just have to be understanding and ask questions like who? where? when? what made you make a decision like that, this soon? you really have to have an open door policy with your kids, they have to know that they can depend on you to steer them in the right direction. Hope this helps...Good luck!