Is it wrong for a mother to tell her young son?

Question

is it wrong for a mother to tell her 11 year old son " If people see you being bad to Mom they will think your not nice inside" Mom is single, in 40s and very unhappy because of husband leaving. Is this just her way of making a boy behave without hitting him?

Answer 1

i would suggest telling him that when he's bad, he makes you feel awful. it shoudln't matter what other think ( embarassing as a disrespectful child can be) but he should be aware that when he is disrespectful, it really hurts your feelings and you are let down. your son is probably just as upset at your husband leaving as you are. stick together, you can make it

Answer 2

Probably not good. It sends the message that it's important what other people think which can create serious issues such as insecurity which might backfire on the mother later with resentment. It's possible that this could be why the child is acting out in the first place and resentment has begun. She probably hasn't thought about the message she's sending. Parents separating is an extremely difficult thing for a child and sometimes causes; separation anxiety, abandonment feelings, anger, they feel at fault......the two parents should take a "Kids in the middle" class, you'd be surprised at how much of you're very own behavior has caused the child to act out. It's always important to separate the person from the behavior when speaking so as not to cause shame.

Shame = "You're a bad boy."
Guilt = "Behaving that way is unacceptable."

Answer 3

If I see a kid not treating there mother with the respect she deserves I develop a great dis like for the kid....of course if the child would much rather be beat by the mother its your own preference I would say.....

New Info: WTF people everyone complains about how kids now days have no discipline yet it seems as though when the time comes to where something can be done about it you all saying that the mother is the one who has the problem I swear I was brought up I got spankings and I will say this much I turned out good I would say I don't get into trouble I'm not being arrested every other day for stupid stuff I think a good butt whooping will do all kids good especially when they need it I was raised not to disrespect my mother or father I treat my wife with the utmost respect as well. I have seen kids in stores that were acting so bad if it would have been me I would have gotten butt whopped think the Govt needs to stay out of the homes of the American public and let us deal with our kids the way god told us to......

Answer 4

Well, for most parents in the US, lying to your kids about all those fictional characters is the american way. Many kids see similarities between the fantastic, miraculous things that Jesus supposedly did, and the fantastic miraculous things that Santa Claus does. I remember questioning the logic of the easter bunny, santa claus, etc., in 4th grade, and when my mom finally confessed the truth, I soon thought, "Well this whole Jesus thing is probably just be more of the same." Now, many years later, I'm completely convinced that this is in fact the case. I often wonder if the use of Santa Claus is to help prepare kids to believe other unbelievable stories, maybe because if you'll swallow the santa claus story, you'll have an easier time swallowing the slightly-more-believable Jesus story. As a minister I was once in a meeting with other ministers and one of them had an 8 year old daughter who had just learned that her parents had lied about santa claus. She had cried and said, "Now I can't believe in Jesus any more either!" Perfectly rational conclusion. In my case, I never l lied to my kids about any of them, and told them when they were 4 or 5 how the fables went, and also how impossible they were. Then, as soon as I figured out that the whole story of Jesus had pretty much been written down about other sons-of-god from other, older religions, and later adopted by the Jews, I told them that, too. Easter Bunny or Jesus -- both adopted from older pagan myths. Of course, my fundamentalist relatives couldn't wait to tell me that it would have been better if a heavy millstone was hung around my neck and I'd been thrown into the sea." Love those good (and very numerous) New Testament threats! Isn't there a verse in the New Testament that says, "Get back in line, boy, and submit to the ultimate authority of us christian religious leaders!" Our kind came up with this stuff, we gained our power and money by it, and we're darn well going to enforce it!"

Answer 5

That sounds reasonable to me. It is true. When I see little kids who hit their mom and have no respect for their mom then I do honestly think that they are going to be a bad spoiled brat. Little boys should always honor their mothers because how they treat their mothers is more often then not the way they will treat their wives. SO i actually agree with this womens statement that people will not think hes nice inside if hes rude to his mom. Its so true its laughable.

Answer 6

No, I think that is a very acceptable thing to say. Someone who isn't nice to other people is generally not entirely nice inside; since inside someone is the source of their thoughts and actions. Also, if people see someone treating another person disrespectfully it may be they will be treated with that same disrepect.
On a side note: hitting a child will never make them behave, hitting only inspires fear.

Answer 7

It sounds true. Ugly inside = ugly actions. But it sounds to me like you and your son are both hurting. Open up. Talk to one another; tell him you don't like using threats or destroying his self esteem to make him behave. Find out what he's feeling and why he's "being bad to Mom" and you'll get to the real reason he's acting out, not just taking care of symptoms. My Mom and Dad split when I was 8, and my Mom spoke to me about what she was feeling, and I felt I could do the same. It helps, really.

Answer 8

I wouldn't necessarily tell him if other people see him being mean, but I would maybe sit him down and ask him why he is unhappy and why he feels like being bad to you. He may be reacting to the fact that your husband left. He is young. You are there, so he takes it out on you. Tell him that it hurts you to be treated like that. Tell him that you are sad that your husband left. Honesty is good. Let him know that you two will be fine. You need to lean on one another to get through this time. He may act out from time to time, but you have to realize that you aren't the only one who may be hurting.

Answer 9

i don't believe that is wrong because every mom deals with their children in different ways...however, i can suggest telling the son how it makes her feel when he does something bad....though i agree, it is better to talk rather than hit the kid especially in public places or when there are other people around.

Answer 10

First of all, you should probably rephrase "bad" with naughty or not nice. Children, are not bad. No, you did the right thing. You do need to direct him to his emotions and show him how to deal with them..Try not to drag your child into the situation that your going through with your husband...