My husband and I were married at the local courthouse 3 years ago. He is a diffrent religion then me and it never was a huge deal. In the three years we have been married we have never, how do i say this, never done the "Deed". He says that he would feel as if he is doing something wrong because we were not married in his church and I am not apart of that church. I have been ok with this but i am 25 and want to have children. I have cried myself to sleep at night because my heart breaks everytime we talk about it. I just want to feel loved by my husband. Am i stupid for wanting to continue our marriage even though I may never have children?
2006-11-06 07:35:45 · 17 answers · asked by loveanglebaby81 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is a Coptic Orthrodox. I am Morman although I don't practice. I will not convert to his religion only because I would not feel comfertable.
I did not know this before we were married.
Please do not get me wrong I love my husband very much and he treats me well. Besides this issue, we have a wonderful marriage and i am happy. Sex is not a huge issue for me. My concern is children.
2006-11-06 07:55:06 · update #1
First thing is the piece of paper given to you doesn't make you "married". Do you feel like your married? In your definition of marriage, are you married? I don't care if your definition comes from the church or you own schoolgirl fantasy. You have to feel like your married to be married.
No, you not stupid for wanting to continue with this person, but if your idea/definition of marriage includes children, I'd seriously debate whether or not you can continue with the relationship as it is.
If this really is about the two religions, see if you can compromise. I'm not sure if any religion says that the spouse has to practice the other religion. It's mainly about making the commitment before the Lord.
Look at it this way, if you get married in his church/synagogue/mosque/whatever you are merely telling his god that you are committed to him. Likewise for him. It doesn't mean you have converted.
And after you have the child, be open to letting it learn about both religions (although most traditions say the child follows the mother's religion). Talk about this first though.
2006-11-06 07:48:59 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to have something more against it than he is saying! I really think there is more to it. If you have been married for three years and never done the "deed", you are missing out, and missing out more on just having children. That is the one thing to feel more committed!! If you think it is just the church thing, then tell him you want to have a small ceremony with just you and him to re-new your vows in his church! If he is against that, as much as it hurts, get out!! You absolutely deserve more than that if that is the case! Good luck!!
2006-11-06 07:41:41 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...I've never heard of that before! 3 years and never consummating the marriage? Unless he belongs to some off beat religion, I've always understood the marriage bed to be sacred. Did you know that your marriage would be sexless before you said "I do"?
Is there something else that is preventing him from being a husband in every way?
2006-11-06 07:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I assume by the "Deed" you mean sex. How you both have gone this long is beyond me. His excuse sounds pretty lame and is probably covering something up. Tell him what you feel and see what happens. If he takes off, no loss. I admit I'm not up on what makes a marrage official, but I think there is something about having to have sex in there somewhere.
2006-11-06 07:43:42 · answer #4 · answered by 2hot 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
none of this came up before you got married? If he knew that he wasn't going to have sex with you if you weren't married in his church...he never bothered to mention that to you?
It sounds fishy to me. Your decision is up to you, but why bother being in a sexless marriage without the hopes of having children? Why bother getting married in the first place? There's seems to me like something more is going on here than religious differences.
Good luck.
2006-11-06 07:40:40 · answer #5 · answered by BVC_asst 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. 3 years of marriage and you have never had sex? Wow.
If he doesn't value enough to have children with you then he shouldn't have married you. You guys need some serious counseling.
2006-11-06 07:39:52 · answer #6 · answered by Cassandra K 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to let that dude go. He puts down your religion when he does that. After 3 yrs. I know your hormones are raging. Go get you some dick and call it a day. By the way, I don't that his ideas about that is part of his religion whatever that may be.
2006-11-06 07:40:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
hmmm. If this were truly a religious issue then why as it o.k for him to marry you to begin with? I think there's something else going on here...
And why are you o.k. with this? Sex is a major component of a marriage, so unless there is a physical reason why you can't, do something about it.
2006-11-06 07:50:50 · answer #8 · answered by chicchick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something deeper is going on! if he felt that strongly about his religion he wouldn't have married you! Three years is a long time if he isn't willing to do it then leave him. It shouldn't bother him if you do because according to him you're not really married!
2006-11-06 07:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Born Country 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counseling? I would suggest it before you do something hasty. Doing the "deed" is a part of a healthy marriage.
2006-11-06 07:39:52 · answer #10 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋