My ex husband is dating his recently deceased brothers widow. She has a 10 month old from his brother and they have recently announced that she is pregnant (with my ex-husbands baby). My ex-husband and I have an 8-year old daughter together and I think that this situation is morally wrong and confusing for the kids. So now my daughter is going to have a baby brother or sister that is also her cousin? I dont want my daughter around that situation and since my ex has pretty much been a dead beat dad the whole time, I think I have the control as to whether or not she is in that enviornment? Am I over reacting here or is what they are doing just plain wrong? A little advice here...
2006-11-06 07:16:57 · 24 answers · asked by Cbauer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How great is that?!! Think about it...he's doing her doggy and she looks back at him over her shoulder and says "your brother did me better"....
2006-11-06 07:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Over reacting.
Drop your notions about your husband for a moment and consider the possibility that they love each other.
I admit the situation could be awkward, but if it came about naturally, why punish him and her. Has she done anything wrong? Is it okay for her to move on from her husband's death.
While I think the timing is suspect (a 10 month old and another on the way with a dead husband doesn't leave a whole lot of time for her to have "transitioned" from one to the other; this probably was going on before his brother died), if that is the biggest issue, leave it be.
I don't think you can deny visitation because you don't agree with someone's choice of mate. You may be able to if he's not meeting his obligations as a dad, but don't mix the two.
What you can do is speak to your daughter truthfully and explain things to her as she has questions. She'll find out sooner or later. Whether you let her visit or not, that child will still be her half-brother or half-sister. She won't be a cousin because the sister-in-law is related through marriage and when the brother died, that went away. Yes it will be strange having a pair of siblings having different relationships to you and your daughter, but it will make for good conversation around the dinner table.
2006-11-06 07:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously were wise enough to recognize his short comings when you made him your "Ex". Let him make his mistakes and suffer the consequences. The child isn't at fault and is in an unfortunate situation. The more pressing issue is his being a dead beat dad. He isn't taking care of the child he has now and he has the audacity to create another? There isn't any blood relation between him and this woman and therefore , technically isn't his relative once his brother became deceased. Tacky perhaps but not illegal or anything. As I said, there isn't a blood tie between her and the woman so the new baby will be her 1/2 sibling and the 10 month old will be her cousin given the blood connection thru her now deceased uncle. If they get married then you will have the Step brother situation which isn't unlike many split families today. Stick to the main issue and that's child support. See legal assistance and make sure he pays it.
2006-11-06 07:29:04 · answer #3 · answered by AVA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ICK.
since you have custody of your daughter, you can control, to a certain extent, her exposure to the situation. Even though it's a tangled mess, the new baby will be your daughter's brother/sister (not a cousin), but the 10 month old is a cousin and will also be a brother/sister to the new baby. What a messy triangle.
Your daughter is 8, and is reaching an age where she'll be able to understand more of what's going on - which also will bring questions for you. Just be honest with her about it all.
Good luck.
2006-11-06 07:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is for sure an awkward situation! Regardless of how you feel you do not have control over your daughters time with her father. Unless the court sees it as an unfit living situation for her, you will just have to accept it. If he is a deadbeat, make sure you are taking the correct legal steps to insure he will not be allowed to be. In all honesty, if your daughter has a dad that loves her, wants to see her, I am sure she could care less her step sister is her cousin. Maybe when she is an adult it will be hard for her to explain, but right now your daughter is going to view it how you (or any adult) presents it to her. I would not make a big deal about it, or she may feel something is wrong with "her". Hang in there.
2006-11-06 07:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by Carey L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to realize that you have no control over what he does, but you do have control over your life and your daughter's. If he is a deadbeat Dad and you don't want him seeing your daughter then keep it that way. He should be paying child support regardless. Your daughter is old enough to understand that what Daddy is doing is not acceptable behavior and you don't want her over tyhere to be influenced by it. Who knows he may move on soon enough. I think you need to let it go and not get involved. You go on with your life and try to enjoy this time with your daughter while she is still young,. You will never get these days back. He is being immature and weird and it is best if you just steer clear. I wish you the best.
2006-11-06 08:01:08 · answer #6 · answered by hehmommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your ex wants visitation or custody, the only ones who have legal control over the situation is the courts. You are divorced and he can date who ever he wants whether it appeals to you or not. I don't think your daughter will be emotionally scarred over this, but if you make a huge deal out of it and try to keep her from seeing her father, you may regret it in the long run.
2006-11-06 07:34:30 · answer #7 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are diffidently in a tough situation. You need to understand that sometimes in life nothing is ever normal any more. Even if you move to a different city or state your family connection will be as it is or going to be. Your 8-year old in time will learn more about what happened and how her baby brother is also her cousin. Take care.
2006-11-06 07:28:10 · answer #8 · answered by angels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's very dysfuntional! If your dtr doesn't have a relationship with him than cut him out of your life. If she does maybe try and explain the situation as gently as possible? Such as your aunt so and so is having a hard time dealing with your uncles death and through consoling her your father 'fell in love' with her.... and wait a few months and then tell her that she'll have a new half sibling..maybe she won't figure out the cousin part!
2006-11-06 07:24:06 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ewe! they will be brousins!!!!
can see how you feel about your daughters involvement, but the seed has been planted, so what are you gonna do about it?
what they are doing is a little off... but again, what can you do? hopefully you can protect your daughter for as long as possible, and give her the information when she is a few years older and can understand that people have a free will and although her father is disgusting, you can't control what people do or how they feel.
i am sure that she won't be messed up for life because of it, so i guess you have to make the most of it.
2006-11-06 07:24:04 · answer #10 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is wrong. How do you think the ex husband will feel hanging out with your brother who slept with your (potential boyfriends wife? Stay away from that ordeal. You can date my brothers, sisters ex bf, cousin named Chewy if you want. LOL - It is wrong. And the ex will not have any "real-true" feelings for you, especially knowing that it was your brother who committed adultery with his wife.
2016-05-22 04:53:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋