my husband plays guitars in a band and last year i caught him playing around with a groupie. if i did not leave him last may, he wouldn't have admitted it. he said it was ONLY a fling. from then on, i felt so betrayed and everything that has to do with his band pisses me off! simply because he wouldn't leave the band (that doesn't pay much) even if i ask him to concentrate more on our business since it's where we do get our income, eversince that cheating we wouldn't last a week without arguing about his real priority (whether the band or our business...& no matter how much he tries to mask his priority, i'm definitely sure which one).....it's so impossible to talk with him because with regards to our problems he'd rather just put walls and change the topic....i want to move on, no matter how betrayed i still feel and fix this marriage but he'd always end up screwing it up.......all for staying with the band.....
2006-11-06 07:12:24 · 6 answers · asked by ekim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i agree to all you've said....but how can i confront someone who never wants confrontation? he says past is past & told me he won't do it again....i don't buy it but i choose not to argue anymore.....so tired of arguing and i know everytime we argue it affects our son. still, he'd continue to believe his band is his PASSION and would not leave it no matter how long we'd argue about it...lame as it sounds & i don't know why i'm still swallowing it....it really hurts that he cannot leave something (i know he knows well) he knew tainted our marriage and would rather see our relationship go around in circles of arguments and so-called make-up but really...i don't feel anything different, it's never the past because for me it was never really mended simply because he wouldn't do anything about it (he'd take back things he fessed up!); he'd rather not talk about it and he couldn't sacrefice his so-called PASSION for it.....anyway, thank you very much for all your answers....
2006-11-06 08:19:56 · update #1
Sometimes we either accept these things about the man we love and be able to move forward.Or we end up standing still and holding an emotional grudge...Obviously you have every right to your pissedivity.But you also need to start asking yourself how happy are you and what will it take to make you happy.Sacrificing to make another happy is sooooo stressful and sounds like you've been doing that.Which explains the pissed off about anything to do with his band thing.Ask yourself and be honest with yourself would he sacrifice for you in return?And would his sacrifice on the WHOLE make you happy?
You're standing still and thats part of whats keeping you angry..Time to sort through the emotional mess let go of the anger that can be let go of.Hold onto and sort through the feelings you're not ready to let go of.And accept the truthful answers you find inside yourself while you're doing all that sorting and letting go.Otherwise hun you'll keep standing still in this pose of betrayal but it'll be tinged with other things like resentment and hate on some levels...
Just my advice any way and I truly wish you well on this whole situation.
P.S yanno find a poster or some guitar picks lock yourself in the bathroom and cut them up.Or get a poster of the band or even a picture of the band and go buy some darts....Sure would help with some of that pisseditivity...Just a thought lol but yanno hubby plays guitar also in a band and it works for me lol....
Malia G
2006-11-06 07:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by Malia G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was probably an ego trip to be with a groupie of his band. Sounds like he really likes to be with his band or this is where his priority is. Doesn't sound like you can change him much. Try to get him to see a counselor with you, or just go yourself. I wouldn't give up the whole marriage just for a few disagreements.
2006-11-06 15:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by ht_butterfly27 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL....he said "Its only a fling??" that, my dear, sums up exactly everything else you've complained about. His "just a fling" and changing the subject, refusing to discuss serious issues at hand means he could give a good goddamn. About the problems and you.
Perhaps you should begin to seek an alternative to this relationship as he doesn't really seem to care what you have to say.
2006-11-06 15:19:18 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are alot of things you can do: divorce him, cheat on him back, or talk things out and tell him exactly how you feel. Good luck!
2006-11-06 15:16:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be strong and kick him out take the business and run
2006-11-06 15:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by The gr8t alien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy needs to put aside his little high school fantasies and grow the *** up.
2006-11-06 15:16:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋