What do you believe is "cheating" in marriage? Men please answer too : )?

Question

Is "looking at a woman with lust" cheating (or at a man, if you are a woman)?

For men who have never physically cheated on your wife, do you look at other women (the wrong way)? (books/mags, etc) Do you fantasize about other women?

Are there any of you men who love your wife and truly solely desire her only?

I'm not cheating or even thinking of it. That is NOT where the question came from.

Answer 1

In a biblical sense, having lust for another woman is adultery. Getting that out of the way, I do not believe noticing an attractive woman is cheating. I can say that I truly solely desire my wife. That does not mean I do not notice an attractive woman, nor does it mean I am not attracted to other women. It means that I do not want to have sex with anyone other than my wife.

Answer 2

I am about to be married. with a great Muslim guy who helps me a lot with my deen. I am a revert. It will be a marriage out of love. As a Muslim you should know there are very strict conditions to marrying more than one. It is not for nothing that the Qur'an is the only book that says 'and if you can't than only marry one'. So your reasoning is not valid; if you can't treat all the wives equal, you can't have more. It falls under the 'than marry only one'. Love is not from Satan, infatuation and lust are. Do not mix those 2 things up. Love is something sacred and beautiful. I think even in an arranged marriage there should be at least mutual respect and liking for each other and some sort of physical attraction. If you find your wife or husband repulsive, it will simply not work. In the west love and lust do get mixed up a lot. People here do marry often for the wrong reasons i believe. If there is only lust that binds2 people and there is nothing else, no mutual other ground, the marriage will fail for sure. But love, the love that is based on friendship, mutual understanding and respect, pure love, will last and is an excellent basis for any marriage. Just my 2 cents. Peace Tiffy

Answer 3

Cheating can be mental or physical.

A person can cheat by having an on line affair. That would be mental. I do not think talking to an attractive person is cheating, but I do think some levels of flirting could be construed as cheating.

Or a person can cheat by kissing (or anything more) another person. That is physical. Holding hands in a romantic manner could also be construed as cheating.

My definition of cheating comes from things that would make me want to kick the crap out of someone if I found out my wife was doing that with another man. I already told her she can do certain things with any woman that I would freak over if she did with a man, but that grossed her out. I am still holding out hope though... 8)

Simply looking at someone is certainly not cheating. As a man, I look lustily at women all the time! All the time!!! It is in my jeans-genes. In books, mags, on line, down the street, at the partk, at the mall, etc... But never do I think of taking it to a different level. I never actually think about doing something other than looking, because that would be cheating and would kill the fantasy.

Answer 4

Cheating is defined as breaking a rule, vow, or promise. Within the context of marriage, most people have made a vow not to commit adultery. If you are going out and sleeping with this person, then it's adultery and may or may not be cheating.

Some people, those that are polyamorous and those that are swingers (considered two different things) have different rules whereby permission is or can be given to sleep with someone else. In this case, there is no vow being broken if still within those agreed upon rules, though it's still defined as adultery.

If you are breaking a vow you made when you were married, and you both haven't agreed to differ from that, then YES it is cheating.

If you are not breaking any rule or vow you currently have in place, then by definition, you are not cheating.

If you have a marriage where looking at other women (or men) with lust is against the rules (explicit or implicit) then you are cheating. If there is none, then no you aren't. If you have a rule where juggling eggs in the kitchen is against the rules, and you do it, then you are cheating.

Answer 5

It is very hard for men to not look at other women. It is normal for men to be attracted to other women, even when in a serious relationship or marriage. I wouldn't worry about a fantasy, because it is just that, a fantasy.

Men secretly desire other women, and will never tell their spouse about it. Does it mean they will act on those desires? No, but it would be neive to not acknowledge it. It really boils down to trust in your relationship. If you suspect he may be cheating then I would suggest you check out my ecourse here...

http://www.HowToSpotACheatIn10Days.com

As far as cheating in a marriage. Only the people in a marriage can define that question. You should discuss with your husband the boundaries, and what you feel is and is not appropiate. Make sure your communication lines are clear and it will increase the security in your relationship.

Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant
http://cheatingsigns.blogspot.com

Answer 6

Guys like to look - not to "desire another woman" or "lust after her" but we just love looking and *maybe* daydreaming for 30 seconds and moving on. It seems to be hard-wired into our pecker-controlled brains. Sometimes we see one feature - her big eyes or big boobs, slobber for a second, and forget her. Big deal. You shouldn't take that as an insult to your looks or self-image.

Unfortunately, ther isn't a strict one size fits all definition of cheating. If as a guy it's looking at magazines and swearing you would screw the women in them even if you were married, perhaps that's cheating.

A general response might be any sexual act that you hide from your spouse and that violates that person's trust or your wedding vows of fidelity and forsaking all others.

Now, not everything you feel the need to lie about is cheating. Guys lie about porn so women don't think we are creepy. (But we *all* look at it - not to cheat or hurt your feelings even though looking does hurt you sometimes - we are too stupid to know that). Women lie about that lesbian experimentation in college or that little abortion they had when they were 22.

But if you are interested in or attracted to or with someone and you are sexually drawn to or active with them and you hide that contact - physical, email, phone, whatever - from your spouse, you are either cheating or one tiny step away from it.

Answer 7

Cheating is lusting after someone other than your spouse. It doesn't matter if you've had physical contact with the other person or not. Like Jesus said, if anyone looks on another with lust in their heart, they've already committed adultery. In this day and age, you'd also have to add that anyone who is involved emotionally with someone other than their mate is also cheating. The physical act of sex isn't the only form of cheating.

Answer 8

I think one of the big problems in relationships is that people always look to their partner as the person that is supposed to embody all that they desire in life. This works out well when you are courting but as life progresses you start to realize it is not as true as you might once have thought. So what do you do? You either become unhappy or you find other sources in life to fill the void. They can be intellectual, sexual or emotional. While the later two are much more difficult in a relationship allowing the first infuses a lot into your relationship. I think allowing your partner to look or admire is not a bad thing. We are human, we all do it. It is sort of like MB.. anyone who says they don't is lying.

The most important thing in any relationship is honesty and ground rules. You have to talk about these things with your partner and be open about your feelings.

Answer 9

I think "looking at a woman with lust" is cheating, it's telling me that I don't care enough about my significant other.

I've never cheated before, but I have looked at other women the wrong way before. I had to teach myself that if I do that, it's telling me that I don't care enough about my significant other enough to give me the strength to ignore these thoughts.

I have fantasized about other women, but at the time I was fantasizing to have both of them with me and that my girlfriend would be enjoying it.

Not a wife, but a girlfriend. I have loved my girlfriend so much that every other woman seemed to be almost invisible. We would walk down the street and I wouldn't notice any woman except her. Great times.

Answer 10

acting on the lust is cheating...as i can testify ...my friend found out his wife was cheating two months ago ..so he drove fifty miles and stabbed her to death on his daughters front step...i don't condone this ....but it shows what can happen when a totally placid man is pushed...and the same can be said for women..so the moral of this is stay true to the marriage vows