What the hell is wrong with my husband?

Question

Two years... discussing openly my feeings about our marriage and nothing... nothing has changed. My husband would rather hang out with his friends then me. I am good to him. I take very good care of him. In our intimate life, I do all the work. I have made out with my husband maybe a total of 4 times our whole marriage. Its like its a chore for him to do anything with me. He is constantly looking at things for himself, buying things for himself,... with little or no regard for me at all. Everytime I try and talk to him nice, he rages and goes in and sleeps. Ignores me. We got into conseling, and he hasnt applied a thing that is being asked of him to try and do. I dont know what I am doing wrong. We used to have intimacy at least every other day and now its down to 1 a week, and it hurts because its just placing it in me and getting off... nothing for me at all. There has never been oral sex to me, always to him. HE has never even given me pleasure, I have always had to do that myself.

He sleeps more then me, and I have double pneumonia right now... and I am cleaning and doing all the work. HE is asleep. He isnt depressed when his friends call, or its time to go and do the things that he loves to do,... he just seems that around me... he isnt happy. I am totally hurt and upset.

Answer 1

Wake Up and smell what is going on! Are you a stupid fat chick or something? You must like this shi** treatment, because staying with a man like that, your totally stupid. I am not trying to be mean to you, but I just saw your picture on your profile... and I am wondering if your mentally ill? Your far from ugly woman! Your dang pretty. Do you have an background that you would be able to get out? Think about this! Your already alone! Your husband sounds like a spoiled, selfish, prick, who needs to grow up. Your carrying his baby and he isnt showering you with kisses and affection. As far as the oral sex thing, a lot of men just arent into that. I wouldnt worry about that so much. I would however, worry about a man who places more effort into himself and his friends over his pregnant wife. Wake up! You have talked to this man, over over again, and he doesnt do shi**? Your in conseling and nothing is working? HELLO? He thinks you are stuck because your pregnant. Plan a way out and Get out. I am telling you this because I was married to a man just like this. He was an abussive selfish prick. Everytime I would even go the the concord mall back east, he would have a fit. Anytime I would buy my daughter something he would have a fit. He was selfish and cared less about me or our daughter really. He was also just like your describing. There were times when I about lost my mind with that man. I sought conseling and help and even blamed myself for the problems. Big Mistake! I am totally convinced that people dont change. He never changed only got worse and he is worse to his new wife now, then to me. My daughter went to visit and couldnt wait to get back home, the first words out of my little girls mouth were the following, " Mom, this person crys a lot because my dad treats her so bad. She does not even get to do anything." So you see, nothing changes. My mother paid most of our bills while we were together. He did the same thing to me. He would *** on my back while I was trying to sleep because I didnt want to have sex with him anymore, due to how boring it was. He cheated on me constantly, twice that I can prove. He was lazy and a total moron. One day I had enough. I found a way out. To this day I have to deal with that idiot and trying to keep my daughter away from him and his new wife, who this woman is also abused and sick. I am now remarried. I have another child and my husband never fails to take good care of me. He treats me like gold. You will look back on this, once your gone, and you will be thankful to God that you got out of it.

Answer 2

First off, if what you have said is all true, then " I dont know what I am doing wrong," does not apply. It sounds that you are not doing anything wrong at all. It sounds like you have married a very immature and selfish child that has not grown up and does not know how to be a husband.

You need to cut him off from any sex and you need to stop making his life so easy for him. Start spending time on you, develop some good relationships with some girl friends. Do not do anything to violate your vows with him, keep it all on the up and up, but quit being so available for him all the time. Let him start missing the things he obviously takes for granted. You need to open a savings account and start moving a little money in there each payday and just let it grow. That way, he can not spend it all on his "wants" and if you need some ready cash for something, it is there.

Answer 3

I don't think I'd recommend divorce unless he's fooling around with you. But there are things you can do to take care of you. Move into the spare bedroom. If he just wants a room mate, great. You have an economical place to live. Go back to school. Go to a community college. Some even have classes for displaced homemakers. Keep busy. Learn a new craft or hobby. Get involved with church or a social group. Keep your area clean and let him worry about the rest. I'll bet once he discovers you don't need him, his tune will change big time!!

Answer 4

You are in a one sided relationship. At least that is your description of it. You have double pneomia and are slaving around? Well dont, why are you cooking and cleaning in your condition? Just go on strike. He sounds like he may love you but doesnt appreciate you. He is taking you for granted and seems like he is going to continue to do so. Start living a life that doesnt revolve around him. Do your own things clean and cook when you want make your own friends that will make you happy. It doesnt sound like he is investing any work into your relationship and they cant run on one wheel. So stop wasting your precious energy right now on him and his needs, focus on yourself..if he doesnt want to put in the effort then you are going to run yourself ragged with little results. Just do things for yourself, and hope he comes around if he doesnt then you need to re-evaluate why you are even still there.

Answer 5

Sounds just like my wife... You need to leave or realize you will spend the rest of your life exactly like this. HE WILL NOT CHANGE... get that through your head. I am not trying ot be harsh at all. I am only telling you that I waited 21 years and she is exactly the same as when we married.

Please take what is left of your life and leave. Heck, I would kill for a woman like you. I dont even care what you look like. I cook and clean and pay 90% of the bills... I know from whence you come ;)

LOL, I would marry you just because you initiate sex!

Answer 6

What you are doing wrong is allowing yourself to be a doormat. Stop being so nice with him. Stop taking care of him. Cook only your own meals. Wash only your own clothes. Find some of your own friends to hang out with. Ignore him. If he doesn't notice then your marriage is over and you need to move on. If he complains then tell him you'll change when he does. If he doesn't change, your marriage is over. If his behaviour gets worse, your marriage is over. He won't respect you until you do.

Answer 7

the problem is that he doesn't respect you & your needs .what I did;I dident stop him from going out with his friends I encuredged him to do so .mean while telling him I was going out with the girls & did so.it doesent have to mean the bar.it can be any where.I would just egnore him as much as posible.show him what he is doing to you mabe he will get the mesage. and as for satifaction HE wouldent get to tuch me if that was the case,your better off on your own.stop being there for his beck & call. do your own thing .the more independent you are the better off you will be.see how jellouse he gets even over girl friends.truly spend more time at your friends,parants,sisters ect. house.you have to put him to the test,it wont happen over nkight.but you will see.

Answer 8

dear I know what your going through my X fiancee
was like that. He latter found out that he has a chemical imbalance that was causing him to be depressed.
Has your hubby been checked for that ? Perhaps
he is bipolar ?
I would have him go to the Dr. & get checked out .
It's not you & no matter what you do he will not change
until a Dr. can get some help for your hubby.
best of luck & hope you are better soon

Answer 9

and you stay with him why ?you allow him to mistreat you by continuing to put up with his mistreatment of you.why oh why won't you leave him?if not leave him,cut him off,don't you care about the person you are ?or is who you are dependent on who loves you ?if you are not being cared for then leave.if he has no interest in satisfying your needs than leave.what are getting out of this relationship that keeps you in it ? you must be getting some pleasure or you'd hide tail it out of there.you know he's a sleaze and all he really needs is a prostitute to sex and then he can get his blow*jo* and not have to express any love on his part.I had a boyfriend just like that and it took me awhile to see that he wasn't going to change so I changed and stop being his sperm bank and cut his as* off, he was shocked but too bad I ain't here to satisfy him and then have to satisfy myself, that's too much work,so I figured since i was doing all by my self I may as well live by myself. good luck.

Answer 10

Why on earth did you marry this man (and I use that term loosely because he is so immature and self centered that he is barely past a child!). You need out! I'm sorry things have gotten to this point for you. Your emotional helath is important, so do what you need to do for yourself. Go to counselilng on your own. Take care of you and good luck.