Your pre-married life: does this cause friction in your marriage?

Question

Is this fair? I don't think so but it is causing problems in my marriage.

Answer 1

I don't know how long you have been married, but I have been married 9 1/2 years now. In my younger years of marriage, my past was always an issue with my husband and I explained to him that my life now is what should matter, that I have a past just like any other woman he will meet. I told him that if we love eachother why should our past matter and we should live for today! We rarely fight over our past now, but it certainly was an issue for about the first 5 years, we would fight off and on. It's just insecurity, worrying about you being happier in a previous time, wanting any thought of another person in your life to vanish. Don't worry sweetie, this will pass. Good luck.

Answer 2

You should have had a clue that this was going to be an issue even before you were married. When you marry someone, they should know about your pre-marriage lifestyle (at least the majority of it) and they should be able to bury the hatchet... without the handle sticking out so they can pull it back out later!

With that said, if you're still engaging in your pre-marriage lifestyle, I can see where that would cause issues.

Answer 3

Some people's lives have caused friction. For example, I had an associate who used to constantly be the 'jump off' as in she slept with more than 30 men. Her fiancee asked her about this and she was upfront. They have been married for about two years. She has told me that he asks her to compare him to the other guys but she refuses because, he is the guy that she picked. It should not cause friction but it does.
People just have accept people for who they are.

Answer 4

no its not fair, but life isn't, and the way we are treated and treat spouses isn't always fair either.

my hubby and i have been together for 4 yrs, and the first 2-3 were full of fights and discussions about insecurities and the desire to not have a past... but what can you do.

i think it will work out in time, cuz we haven't had any probs for the past year or so.

Answer 5

These things should have been clarified before the marriage. You should have known enough details about his past and shared enough about your own so that there weren't any surprises.
However, it also sounds pretty childish of your Hubby to be having an issue about these things now. Tell him that you signed up for a lifetime of happiness and to never have to date again and he should be working on delivering that for you!

Answer 6

It can cause problems, and it is fair. You need to deal with it. Once you're married, you share a life, and that means your history became his and his history became yours. The problems you both brough with you belong to both of you now. Same way the credit card debt that was my wife's when we got married became mine also. You need to deal with it as a couple. It's not just your responsibility or just his responsibility.

Answer 7

At first it did. I was the one that was jealousy of my Husband's past. But, to be fair on my behalf, he had a lot of stuff around our home such as love letters, cards, even condom wrappers that were not from me leaving it hard for me to overcome his past when it was all around me and constantly popping up. But things changed when I talked to my Grandma and she told me that the past is basically that -the past and that I should judge and treat him based on our relationship and to put my jealousy aside for after all, it was I that married him and not the others. Ever since then, I've been able to put his past behind and concentrate on the future!!!

Answer 8

I don't know. My pre-married life pretty much dwindled to an end when I married, and we made a new life together.

Answer 9

Your pre-married life should end once you get married.

Answer 10

This is one reason you do not need to share private things that you experienced before marraige.

Some things are better left unspoken.