Why do people give up so easy?

Question

Tell me this. Back in the day marriage was to be special, you were not to be divorced as it was a sin, but now people are treating it as if it is part of everyday life. What about those of us that still have those values what are we supposed to do? how are we supposed to coupe with the crap? It honestly is not fair when you put in everything you possibly can into a marriage to just one day say I am over and I dont love you anymore! How do u do that? I don't understand it at all. I cant even rationalize it in my head and this has been since april.... Insight please as why people are so easy to just say forget it and start over again.

Family mediator,

I want to thank you for your open response and honesty to this question. I see what I need to do and understand much more of why I am stuck on this issue. I hope that we can speak on a more private level as I feel some how you could be benifical to my self awareness right now and helping me coupe with this issue. I would appreciate that. If not I do understand.

To all others except the rude one, I appreciate the responses as I have seen more to my insight and understand that I am not alone and that the suffering I feel is among us all. As most have said it is easier to just give in and give up then it is to work through and issue and role models do make it harder for us to stick with what we were all born too.... As far as adultry and abuse go, I agree but in the sense that I still would try to find a reason what happened and attempt to resolve the issue then just give up. To all others thank you so much. I appreciate this alot.

Answer 1

Part of the reason is selfishness - more individualism and more feelings of entitledness. "I deserve a break today." We have been trained by our well-intentioned but misguided parents that by giving us everything we want, we'll be happy. True happiness is gained by earning your happiness. The founders of America worded it as "the pursuit of happiness," not the achievement of happiness.

Studies show that unhappy couples who stay together for just five years are then much happier ("The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" by Wallerstein). These couples, by overcoming challenges, learn and earn satisfaction and mutual respect.

A second factor is the legacy of the "no fault" divorce, which was first initiated in California in the 1970s. This movement swept across the nation and the divorce rate skyrocketed. As it became easier to run out on a commitment, more did so, thinking that it would be easier to start over again. What they found, though, is that second and third marriages are much, much harder to build than first marriages are to repair.

That's why they give up. Unfortunately, knowing the reasons is little comfort after you've been left, isn't it? Focus on yourself. Not selfishly, but to create the selfawareness you'll appreciate more as you recover from your trauma. Find a Divorce Care class. Renew your relationship with your family. But mostly learn to enjoy yourself. Take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Relax with yourself.

Above all, don't fall into the trap of looking for someone else to fill the void. That will happen in its own time - after you've reconnected with you. If you have children, relish the time with them. If not, develop YOU.

Answer 2

Tell me about it. My hubby and I in our first two years been close to divorce. But we went to a counselor. I thought I was out of love with my husband. Most of all though it wasn't being out of love that was the hard part. An unharmonious marriage for the most part was because it was just easy. Now six years later we look back at the struggles. We love each other more than ever. Counseling and getting to know each other over again was wonderful. People see unhappiness and decide to get out because they do not for the most part know how to speak to each other or not know what the word faithful is. Money problems that each argue about. What's worse is at the drop of one problem the legal system has made it all to easy to make divorce happen. They don't ever make you try to work it out with counseling or anything as such. It is just goodbye and good riddance. I can honestly say that my hubby and I love each other now more than we loved each other when we got married and it is the most wonderful things. We learn new things about each other every day. For better or worse is our vow and for better or worse we will stay. As much as I have rationalized this is the best I can come up with. That is not to say however I think physical or any other abuse should be kept up. If counseling does not work no woman nor man should have to deal with the abuse and yes there are men out there who have been abused as well. I think they should make it hard for a divorce. We are happy that we have not been a statistic. We have many many years to go, but we will cherish one another while we are still here. My parents divorced after 30 yrs, my grandparents divorced after 20 yrs. We are happy, but we were through alot. My hubby at one time was mentally and verbally abusive. We both went to counseling together and seperately. People can change for the better and for that I am greatful. I hope this answers something.

Answer 3

because these days marriage is a contract and no one sees it for what it used to be. No one really cares to be with one person forever, usually everyone has an outlook for a few years ahead, but most of the time no one really thinks what will happen when the two start to look different maybe the fun things like going out and partying all night long is no longer fun and maybe kids are starting to demand attention, then people just realize that they are not ready for it and give up. I guess what I am saying is that people get married for the wrong reasons and that's why the divorce ratio is so high.

Answer 4

"Back in the day", there were a lot of miserable people. Men cheated and women put up with it. There was abuse and it was just the "norm".

I agree with you that people do give up too easy, but you cannot compare days gone by to what happens in today's world. It's just apples and oranges. Why do people give up so easy these days? Because it's a quick fix. Because they choose the wrong partner for the wrong reason. Sadly, most of the time they bring children into the equation...and it's the kids that really suffer.

Answer 5

Because they are weak and lazy. People nowadays think everything is instant. They don't ever want to actually do any work to make their marriage work.

However that being said I have a few deal breakers of my own such as adultry. Once you take away the trust from doing that it will never be the same. The marriage is basically destroyed.

Answer 6

more single parents than ever and the kids grow up watching their parent - move from one relationship to another at the first sign of trouble. I watched a good friend of mine do this with her kids - since we became friends over 4 years ago she's been married 5 times and now is single(involved with someone) and not yet forty. Her teen daughter picked up the same examples her mom displayed and is going from relationship to relationship.

Answer 7

I think people arent doing without anything and dont learn that to get what you need and want is the result of effort on their part. So at the first sign of problems they quit because they would have to work at it.

Not all people are like this but way to many are. They parent the same way(or dont parent)

Answer 8

**** YOU- THE INFAMOUS!! (the guy that replied saying marriage isnt special.) I tried to be nice to evryone and listen to all opinions but that is just sick ok? he is so rude! and you can report me ok, bc i can just go make another frickin account! until you get your heart broken after having a kid and getting married and have your hubby/wife leave you, dont try and say how special marriage is or isnt!! im going thru it right now, new as of 3 days ago. Id have to say the pain is worse than when i had my baby 2 months ago- physically and mentally!

sorry, that wasnt to you. i agree, people take marriage way too lightly. my hubby told me 3 days ago that he isn't sure he wants to stay with me- and we have only been married 6 mnths! it's hard. i dont know why people act that way. it makes me almost not want to get married again if i do end up in a divorce bc of the way things are today. i honestly dont belive in forever at all. i even wasnt sure when i got married 6 mnths ago. not that id ever leave. but everyone else is just so ready to leave bc its just that easy!the majority of people today are selfish jerks!

Answer 9

Beacuse there are no consequences anymore. The friends of cheaters encourge them. Family supports them. Divorce is just a next step. It is like teen pregnancy. I is accepted, the put nurseries in high schools so why not?

Answer 10

It depends on the situation. No one should be forced to stay married to someone who cheats on them or abuses them. I think it's good to always have options in case people change too much in a bad way.

Marriage is about two people who love each other and love being together. Most people forget that when they get married to the latest and greatest.