Why would someone marry someone they weren't in love with??

Question

My wife of 1 yr is leaving and want a divorce. We have been together for 6 years. She says she loves me but isn't in love with me and had doubts even before the wedding. Not being 100% committed to the person you marry is one of the meanest things a person can do. Why would someone do that?

I don't have any money....nothing but debt and most of it is her debt. I and I am 28 and damn good looking :)

Answer 1

Ive been with the same woman for nearly 15 years so heres some input about women LOL

1. They have phases of deep confusion about who they are and what they want. They arent like men who come to conclusions relatively quickly. Women will actually drive themselves crazy contemplating and worrying about things that you and I as men wouldnt think twice about.

2. Again they go through phases ie: they love you with all their heart, soul and being then one day out of the blue they arent sure about the relationship. This can take years to manifest or even a year but trust me all of them have doubts about MANY MANY things. You gotta love em! They need reassurance, they need love, they need to be told or shown they are worth something by someone quite often. Its just their nature and thats ok once you understand it and recognize how to handle it with sincerity.

3. They'll change their mind 15 times at the drop of a hat...Again its just their nature. Dont yell or scream it doesnt work just go along with it until it passes then they usually come back to their senses. Once they come back to their senses its like nothing ever happened and they love you with all their heart mind body and soul again.

4. Shes confused most women are in some fashion... so be there for her, reassure her, comfort her, pay attention to her love her and let her know it. protect her and play your role as husband as best you can 9 times out of 10 they snap out of it and remember why they loved you so much in the first place. The key is patience while not losing your dignity in the process. it takes time to understand this phenomena LOL!

Its the nature of a woman. Hang in there dont take it so seriously work through it sometimes they simply need gentle sincere guidance. and trust me women are just as confused about our behavior as we are about theirs so love her anyway and help her remember as to why she loved you in the first place not through just words but through actions also. if this doesnt work... it wasnt meant to be. Move on with your head held high

Answer 2

At 18-25, you are still growing as a person. While most people that age "think" since they are out of high school/college they are full grown, as a person you are not. That is barely a 1/3 of your life. Most which had been dictated to you.

People need time to grow as a person before making that leap of faith to marriage. Currently divorce as at an all time high (I helped contribute to the rate). Marriage age limits should be raised to deter people from making the same mistake.

I am nowhere the person I was 10 years ago (21) and if I would have known what I know now I definitely would have waited.

Answer 3

She may have gotten confused with the idea of marriage and love. She thought things would proabably change after marriage and realized that she really wasn't in love.

Maybe you guys can think of just seperating for a moment and if she REALLY REALLY wants out then you should move forward. Sorry you had to go through that. Keep up and happy. You'll be proud of yourself for going through this like a man. Hold no grudges, because it was the two of you who got married so you also have the responsibility for your situation. Noone else is at fault for what happens to you. You control your destiny.

You never know, she may have really not been for you in the first place. It seems like she was a test and sooner or later you'll find that special lady. Be strong.

Answer 4

At the time she was on cloud nine and women we do things off our emotions and i am sure she was so in love with you whenm she met you. Sometimes women may not think about everything that is involved in a marriage and they don't feel the same anymore. I have been married only 4 months and I can't believe how different marriage is from dating but to leave someone seems very harsh. She obviously thought she was in love and she reached her goal of happily ever after but she didn't think about it completely. You would think that after six years she would know wether or not she was in love. Try to get counceling and have lots of praying God will get you through it. God Bless!

Answer 5

she might of thought it was the right thing to do.(marry) she figuer all the years you spent together why not get married. after a year of marriage she figuer out she did'nt what to. It has nothing to do with you. you whating the marriage.maybe u where doing everything right or best u know how.if so don't blame yourself. It's her . she sounds like she loves u just not as a soul mate. and years to come your going to look back and thank her for doing this. you will relieze she was never your soul mate. she might even try to come back most of them do the ones who do the leaving because they relieze they made a mistake. hopefully you'll be over her. if u allow her to come in and out of your life you be living a nightmare. frist of all some where in the back of your mind you will never trust her again. go on with your life.I know my marriage only last a year too. he was cheating are you share she don't have no one on the side.find out thats another reason why she doing what she doing.

Answer 6

Probally because she wanted security and also she might have thought it was the time to get married. She could have been physically attracted to you and was basing her feelings on that and knew you really loved her so hoped that would carry her through your marriage. All these reasons are unfair to you that is for sure. You are still young though and as you said good looking, so don't worry the right woman will someday come along for you.

Answer 7

Maybe she wanted it to work. I agree it's very mean and she should have told you she wasn't sure, but whats done is done. People marry for lots of reasons besides love (it doesn't mean it's right though!). Some people marry for financial security, housing, family, the friendship, money etc. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Try and seek a support group so you know you're not alone.

Answer 8

She is a coward.

She found it easier to continue with getting married then to call it off when she realized she was making a mistake.

People do this a lot and sometimes stay in the marriage being unhappy.

Be glad this facade is ending now instead of years from now...it's painful but you can still find happiness with someone who truly loves you.

Answer 9

this mostlikely means she is in love with someone else. you were sincere and had the best intentions toward her, but unfortunatly she didn't toward you, evidentally marriage means nothing to her. be glad u found out now, and can move and u don;t have kids yet. sometimes we will never know why the person we loved has treated us with creulty, and seems to want to add more injury to an already hurting spouse, by telling u they love u but aren't in love with u. sure your hurt, probroly devistated but this isn't about u, or anything u did or didn't do, has to do with her, and who she really is. sometimes when we marry someone, we can't see the true them, until it is too late. i would say the true reason she feels she doesn't love u anymore, is there is a third party in your marriage.

Answer 10

She probably wanted the security and stability of a marriage and thought when she married you that she would fall in love with you in time. Then she found out it doesn't work that way. It is a cruel thing that she did. Hopefully you can move on and find someone who deserves you and she will find whatever she is looking for.

Answer 11

There are a lot of reasons why (I'm not saying any of these are right, though.)

1) She was afraid to hurt your feelings, so she went through with it.
2) She thought she'd grow to love you over time.
3) If you live in CA, and you have money, maybe she wants to take you for half.
4) Maybe it was just "conmfortable" to be with you, even though she didn't love you.

I'm not saying any of these are GOOD excuses, but maybe one of those is a reason why?

I'm so sorry, though. It must be tough.