I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. About 6 months ago he had broadband & cable tv installed. Recently if I turn the tv on, very often it is on Bravo (not renowned for its news & documentaries). He has also been asking other people (on Yahoo! answers) how to delete his search history on his pc so "prying eyes" presumably me, cant see what he has been searching for.
Its fairly obvious he is watching porn. I feel really betrayed & feel like I dont know him. He is trying really hard to cover his tracks. It wouldnt be so bad if it was enhancing our own sex life but he doesnt seem interested in me at all. Recently we had sex and he made very little effort & at the end commented that by me doing all the work would help my diet!
I love him so much. Mainly our relationship is good. I just feel that I am very open with him & dont do the things he would not like. I feel really betrayed & like I dont know him.
How do I deal with this? Am I being ridiculous?
I am 28, he is 33
2006-11-06 05:33:18 · 24 answers · asked by verity b 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
How can you really love someone you don't trust, or who you feel betrayed by, and don't feel you know?
Three years is long enough- if porn, feeling betrayed, and a lacking sex life is what you want, he's your man. IF you want something better for yourself, end it and move on.
2006-11-06 05:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends how you yourself feel about porn, and what kind of porn he's looking at. My girlfriend does not have an issue with it, and she will happily watch it with me, but she knows I'd rather be with her than watch TV, internet or whatever. I never hide what I've been up to as I feel there is nothing wrong with what I do or what I view on the 'net, and I do not watch TV. But the fact your man hides what he's doing is a worrying development in your relationship, in my opinion. So - on your PC - go to "Control Panel - Internet Options" - then "History". If you see anything you feel is illegal, then you should end the relationship and inform the correct people.
2006-11-06 13:42:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be getting bored with having had sex with the same person for 3 years. I don't mean any offence by that, it happens, and can happen to anyone. Porn will give him the variety, excitement and quick release he is looking for. Personally I think the chances are you two have got into a routine and he wants to try something new but is maybe too embarassed to talk to you about it.
So my advice is, confront him. Talk to him openly about sex. Ask him if there's anything he'd like to try and be receptive to suggestions. Plus think of things you'd like to try and suggest them to him. Rekindle your sex life!
But the fact that he's not being open about watching porn and trying to cover his tracks, which is making you feel betrayed, is a bit of an issue. He shouldn't feel bad about watching porn with you. Maybe he feels you have no interest in it - try watching it with him, even if you're not into it, indulge him, just to be involved with him.
If all else fails, maybe it's time for a new companion.
2006-11-06 14:05:31 · answer #3 · answered by reddragon105 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with theinfamo. You need to try and relax and let him play with his toys. Try to spice up your relationship. On the diet tip, maybe if you did more tricks in the bed, you could tone the body up. It would be great exercise. This would put something on his mind. You have to remember men get off on visual things. Women get off on emotional things. Make your own porn tape. Try to enjoy him. Talk to him about your feelings calmly. If this does not work, seek counseling for couples. There is nothing wrong with having a professional guide your relationship back on the right track.
2006-11-06 14:14:56 · answer #4 · answered by Realist 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it wasn't a problem until you talked about how sex went downhill. Just leave because he's not going to be interested in you until he gets rid of the porn. Even if he gets rid of the porn and begs you to stay, do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who chose you second to porn?
2006-11-06 14:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by Eddie S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the porn really bothers you, then you need to move on. Not all guys look at porn or seem to be obsessed with it. His interest definitely goes beyond normal. I had a 2 year relationship with a guy who liked porn a few years ago. I ended the relationship for many reasons, but one of them was the porn - it just really creeped me out.
My husband doesn't look at porn on the computer. He finds it corny and dumb.
2006-11-06 13:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you don't trust him you shouldn't be with him. All men occasionally watch porn. Don't take it as an insult. If he is not wanting sex with you, you need to get rid of him. Maybe he will realize what he had and come back. Porn is stupid. It used to bother me but it does not anymore. And truthfully, you don't want him to hide things from you, once they start they never stop. he seems a little "too" into it so you need to move on hun,.
2006-11-06 14:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by AnnaG 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SHUT UP! It is none of your business. I have a lot of friends that have the same problems with their girlfriends. He would not have to cover his tracks if you would get off his ***. Besides, as betrayed and mad as you may feel did you ever stop to point the finger the other way. Most men who are in relationships that are still interested in pornography feel unsatisfied with their current sex lives. Digest that
2006-11-06 13:52:45 · answer #8 · answered by theinfamousjae 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your situation reminds me of the following joke:
A woman walks into a psychiatrists office with her teenage son. She tells the doctor: "I just found out my son was looking at nudie magazines in his room! He's been hiding them under his bed! What can I do?" The doctor looks at her calmly and replies: "Don't worry too much about it, ma'am... it's just a phase he'll be going through for the rest of his life."
Seriously, boys will be boys and what can you do? Let him know it bothers you & he'll resent it. It is a waste of time, to be sure, but it's something he feels he needs to do. Maybe he wouldn't like it either if you subscribed to Playgirl. What's good for the goose...
2006-11-06 13:40:43 · answer #9 · answered by Xceed One 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he likes porn more than you, then I'd walk. Nothing wrong with porn, but why window shop when it's at home on a plate so to speak.
2006-11-06 13:40:11 · answer #10 · answered by F 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋