How do i convince my girlfriend ONCE & for ALL that....?

Question

I am NOT bisexual. I am 23 yrs old. I have not engaged in ANY type pf sexual act with a man since i was 19 and i didnt enjoy it then. I LOVE women with everything in me and have no doubt that I will be with her for the rest of my life. But the fact that i have been sexual with men in the past leads my girlfriend to believe that I am still bisexual. Now maybe in the beginning i could have switched back & forth but now....NO WAY. I cant even have a strong emotional relationship with a man, let alone a satisfying sexual one. I dont even look at men the same anymore. I dont think theres anything wrong with saying a man is cute, but i wouldnt SLEEP with him! It just bothers me that she labels me as bi, when i know im not.

Answer 1

Sounds like your girlfriend has some insecurities that she's projecting on to you. Could be she's afraid of losing you to a man or just afraid of losing you period and she needs some way to put the blame on some "defiency" you have.

Most lesbians I know have had at least one encounter with a man even the butchest dyke I know had a boyfriend in high school so stop feeling like it's YOU who needs to convince her. Tell her to get a grip and that if she wants to label you "bi" you think maybe it's because maybe SHE's the one not secure in the relationship, or she's looking for some way to blame you for her inability to commit or fear of commitment. What she's doing is what people do when they feel insecure - find some way of blaming it on the other person.

Answer 2

I am a 61 yr. old lesbian but was married for a few months when I was 18. I got a divorce and became a total lesbian and haven't looked back since but, and I do mean But with a capital "B", I do give credit where credit is do. Like if a person has good looks, dresses nice, great personitity, etc. and that goes for both genders.
Does this make me bi? No!
I agree that trust maybe an issue with your girl friend and if you are having a problem with trust you don't have a very good relationship going at this point.
When most couples get together they dissapear all together and even their friends don't see much of the new couple. That is sad, for it gives the impression that the persons in the new relationship don't trust each other as they should. Trust and honesty are two main factors for a great relationship.

Answer 3

Been there and didn't let it happen. My ex and I had a big fight and it was over him wanting a threesome " just once " he kept saying, Well I just couldn't do it and refused simply because well morally it is wrong and also because I really loved him and didn't want to share him and I even explained this to him and he still insisted. Well needless to say that was 20 years ago and I thought I'd never get over him but in time I did. If you split up over something like this then the love was never true and you don't need the hurt. Besides if you go through with it how do you know when the two of you are making love that she is really thinking of you? Good luck to you hope this has helped some

Answer 4

Okay, I am a guy but I have some experience with this as my wife is bisexual. This is really common among lesbian women. I have a good friend that was married but is really a lesbian now. Out on the dating scene she has really had a lot of problem with other lesbian women accepting her. I think there is really an insecurity within the community with respect to this. Maybe it is something like well I never did it why should you? And if you did.. hmmmm.. You know in life we all test ourselves. As a man I have been in situation that I could have slept with another man if I had wanted. But something trigered in me that said I just don't desire that. Sometimes it takes expirimentation to figure out who you really are inside. You have to explain this to your GF and if she still can't accept you then find someone that can. This goes to the core of trust in who we chose to have as a partner and she needs to trust you. It is okay to be who you are and you don't need to prove anything to anyone.

Answer 5

good for you im also a lesbian. I know where you girl is coming from i would also label you as a bisexual. But hey at least now you know that you 100% gay ;) I also thought that i was bi until i actually opened my eyes to the truth now im 1,000,000% lebian. Honestly i dont know how any girl could fall in love with a man ewww!

Answer 6

It is hard to convince the current g/f of that. I have been in the same shoes as you. She will eventually relax about it. As long as you aren't sleeping with a man anymore, its all good. She will just have to trust you. Just tell her everything you wrote here. She should understand that not every lesbian has slept with strictly women.

Answer 7

I think that there is a lack of trust in your relationship.You may not agree but if she thinkls you are interested in men then she dont trust you.I myself(although not bi or lesbian)would never try to convince the one Im with about anything in my past or present life.If they cant believe me then so be it,it would be time to move on.

Answer 8

I think what she's really insecure about is the possibility of you cheating or leaving, which means you're going to have to show commitment to her, make sure you don't look at men in front of her, complement her a lot, etc. If she stays insecure, that's the real problem right there.

Answer 9

Emotionally abusive perhaps? Anyways, she needs help. It isn't good for your relationship for her to continually accuse you of being interested in other people.

Answer 10

just be clear with her, and tell her everything you just said on here (well not word for word). and tell her if she loves you, she will believe you.