How much should sex be worth in a marriage?

Question

"If you want more sex, then how about you be more romantic or help out more so I'm not so tired from doing everything?"
This is a form bartering for services "you do this for me and I'll do this for you".
Ideally a man and woman should be romantic and/or sexual with their spouse because they want to, but I've been seeing more and more questions from a spouse saying that they are already doing everything and still their spouse is not having sex with them.
Is it that their spouse has over valued sex and is wanting too much before putting out?
And should the spouse stop paying (ie. cleaning, being romantic, date night ...etc) until sex has returned to a more fair market value?

In a closed market environment like marriage the buyer and seller each can adjust the value of bartered services (in this case sex) easily by either with holding the service or payment.

So what should sex be worth in a marriage? A load of laundry/night out/flowers ...

I'm not asking if this is right or wrong. I'm asking a value to be placed on it.
If you can place a value please do.
If not then please don't leave your opinion.

It seems the majority is saying sex can not be purchased with money or services (cleaning, romance, weekend get away, flowers ...). I agree and that is the thing I feel many husbands don't understand. Just because a wife may say "If you want more sex then help out more ... (be more romantic or whatever)" This is not her stating terms of a contract. What happens though is men do perform their side and only find out after wards that their work doesn't improve their chances for sex. So now they are tired & horney. This leaves them frustrated and resentful. I myself do what "I" think needs to be done. If my wife tries to persuade me with the old sex bartering thing I ignore her and don't do anything she wanted me to. Surprisingly I get more sex when I don't listen to my wife than when I used to listen.

Answer 1

Therein lies the root of the problem...

Answer 2

You're not a salesman. You're a husband. Women can't be bought into sex. After a while she'll figure out the meaning behind those flowers ("Oh, that's why he got me those..") and it totally ruins the sweetness. You should help her out always, not as a barter, but as a loving and helpful partner. A man that does all he can to help out is always a turn on. Women are always grateful, and will return the favors times two. As far a sex is concerned, It's all about a woman's mental state. Married women often have to have their mind clear and their stress relieved before they give out willingly. Female pleasure is based on mentality. If a woman's mind is full of the kids and daily stress the whole time, sex just isn't worth it. If doing the dishes and taking out the trash doesn't turn her on enough, she needs a nice relaxing bath and a romantic story to settle down and get in the mood.

Answer 3

I don't feel that working for sex is necessary and the work that it was worded it seems like a lot of work. Sex is a gift from God that you share between the two of you. It should be an emotion that comes on naturally and not so forcefully. I fyou feel that the woman is pushing off sex she doesn't need your gifts. My husband is a good example all he ever does is be appreciative and he is naturally affectionate with me and those are things that women typically enjoy. Just saying a simple thank you and yes helping out is good too. Don't make your effort seem so forced and not from your heart. If these things aren't working counseling is always a great option too. The Best of luck.

Answer 4

In a marriage, sex should not be up for barter. If it is, then the persons involved have the wrong idea about marital sex. This should be enjoyed by both. If one is not in the mood, then the two need to figure out what the cause is and together try to resolve the issue.

Answer 5

This is exactly the reason I don't want to marry my live-in. I love him with everything that I am, but I never want to fall into that trap of taking him for granted. I was married for a very long time previously and I know what you mean about sex as a bartering tool. He had the money and I had the power to withold sex. What a deal huh?

I have a good healthy sexual appetite, but that turned me bitter and angry. I hated him and I hated sex with him.

In the relationship now the balance is perfect. We seem to match up the same as far as drive and what we like. I think about it everyday. The value is priceless to my contentment and overall happiness. The closeness and intimacy is worth anything to me.

Answer 6

"So what should sex be worth in a marriage? A load of laundry/night out/flowers ..."

Sounds to me like someone in your marriage is having "I do everything in this house ISSUES".

Sex in my marriage is not a "reward".

Even when I am not in the mood - I make sure that he is taken care of.

I would much rather handle my wifely duties - than another woman handeling them for me.

I am a mother of 2 - married for 10 years - work 60 hours a week - my home is spot less and I am always smiling! I got it all and I still have a very active sex life - but I would do anything for my husband - I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, I still blush when he says certain things to me!

Answer 7

All i have to say is if the food is not good at home,im going to have take out..if you're going to barter its the same as paying for sex,you might as well do a different woman every night then..money for sex its a bargain..

Answer 8

Interesting point you have made. I am a woman with a stronger sex drive than my man. Needless to say it causes a lot of friction.
I get angry because I feel undesired and he gets angry because he doesn't think he satisfies me. I have told him that he does because if he didn't I probably wouldn't want sex at all.
Sex is not a commodity but a form of communication so as with any form of communication both parties need to learn better communication skills.

Answer 9

Lordy, there is no price on sex, especially if one of the couple does not want to have sex.

Putting sex on a dollars and cents basis is not considering the welfare of your partner and demeans the relationship.

All that said; a court of law will often allow a divorce if one of the parties has had lack of services (as in sexual services).

Answer 10

when people get bogged down they forget themselves and their partners..
A man married his girlfriend...
she turns into a wife
then she turns into someones mother
and he loses her to a world of OTHER PEOPLES NEEDS
and forgets about him and the reason they got together in the first place..cause her job is now 24/7
Same is true for some men

When she wants you to help.. it is because she is tired and everwhelmed... be generous with her... give her a hand and free up some time with her for just the two of you
You need to make time to make love to be together and just enjoy each other..
it is really hard to do ..but you can make it happen

and as far as the barter thing.... that is HOGWASH

Answer 11

Sex is very important! Especially in a marriage! And not only for physical reasons! It also brings the two partners closer together. It makes the two become one. Not only that, but men need sex. As you well know. And coming from a woman, I know that if we don't give our husbands what they need, then they might feel the desire to roam. Whether they are a bad person or not. Women also need to feel loved. So, make sure your wife knows that you want to have sex with her because you love her and because it makes you feel closer to her! We don't need much. Just to feel that you really care about us, not just that one "spot"...