I realize that NO ONE can really tell us the answer, but I'm just looking for some experienced advice.
My fiance and I have been discussing trying for a baby. We both REALLY want to start right away. We want kids very badly and we don't really want to wait any longer. That's all I need to know that the time is right. However, he's concerned about finances. We both make around 30k per year right now and we're living in Chicago. It's not much but we're definitely not struggling. He wants to plan and I think that things will fall into place, and that our lives don't stop when we have kids.
Obviously, this will be our first. A good friend of mine told me that if we want kids we should go ahead and try for it, that people always wait till they make more money and that sometimes that day never comes. Should we let money keep us from having what we desperately want now?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you.
2006-11-06 05:13:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
We're both 25.
2006-11-06 05:25:11 · update #1
Being married first is not that important to us. We don't really buy into the social institution of marriage.
2006-11-06 05:26:05 · update #2
To badboy: you must not really be reading my questions carefully. My boyfriend and I WANT to have a baby. He and I both have expressed concerns and we both have decided that we aren't trying yet but that if it happened we'd be happy. We are COMPLETELY honest with one another. He can read these questions and answers too. He can sign on to my account. This isn't a secret and I don't appreciate your accusations.
2006-11-07 05:46:07 · update #3
My advice would be to focus on the wedding and then discuss starting a family!
Finances should not necessarily stop you, but you should take it into consideration. Children do cost money! You will be out of commision for a while after the baby is born, so having a little in a savings account couldn't hurt!
Children are absloutely wonderful!! They will bring so much joy to your life, it is unimaginable! However, it is very important that BOTH of you are ready, and that BOTH of you are totally committed to your relationship! Get married, enjoy your new life together for a while, and then have children. It may seem old fashion, but it really is important! That baby will deserve to have two parents who are in love and truly committed to one another, just as they will be to him/her! Best of luck to you!
2006-11-06 05:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are serious about starting a family then yes. Out of experience, I would say way until you have a year of so of time as a married couple---sleep late, go out on late night walks, roll around in the snow---just act crazy in love. That's time that you will never have back. Adding a baby in the picture gives your life a new a different meaning. You won't be able to go outside and play in the snow in fear that the baby might get sick, can't stay out late--babies need their sleep. You will never be two people anymore. Having a baby and becoming a family is so wonderful, and I know why you want it. It truly is better to wait just a little while and have that time together. As for the finances: I am a stay at home(make 100.00 a month) for after school care, I have three children and a husband who makes 40,000.00 a year and we aren't in poverty. It's kinda tight budget but we survive, and so will you. If having a baby right now will complete you and he, then maybe you should.Just keep in the back of your mind that unless you have a nanny it's constant time with the baby for the both of you..... not alot of alone time..... good luck with your decision....Happy baby making if you desire.
2006-11-06 05:31:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Based on your other questions, you're definitely trying to get pregnant though your boyfriend doesn't want kids yet. Have you thought what you'll do if your man gets scared and runs away afterwards? You may not believe in the social institution of marriage, but I'm sure you'll believe in the legal institution of family court when you need to chase your baby's daddy for support.
I know you won't like this answer, but wait until BOTH of you can afford a child and BOTH of you agree that you're ready. A child is about THREE people, not just you. Plus you don't want your child growing up poor or daddyless.
2006-11-07 03:14:48 · answer #3 · answered by xoxo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, don't let money keep you from trying for that baby. there is things that u can do to be able to afford the baby. me and husband we make about the same as u guys and live in boston.
the way we did it is by discount shopping, we never bought an outfit for the baby that cost over $10 (except his christianing outfit) we shopped at places like walmart, old navy, childrens place and marshalls. we only buy what we need. since having the baby we cut back on what we wasted money on and ended up fine. when we first had our son we made a lot less than we do now.
another thing we did was work different shifts so that we can save on day care. day care is very expensive.
our friends and family helped alot
2006-11-06 05:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Miki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is coming from personal experiance. Me and my husband wanted a baby when we were dating and almost was, but afterwards realized that we weren't ready (we weren'tliving together and weren't making enough money. Ididn't even have health insurance)
When the time is right it will happen. My and my husband have been TTC for 5 months and it hasb't yet happened, but i know that when it's time, it will happen. If you worry about finances right now, then you will become stressed out and it will never happen. Trust me, when you become pregnant, you will start saving. You can't put a price on having a child. You ever heard of the phrase " Never set a budget because you'll never stick to it"... apply that to having a child.
I wish you the best!
2006-11-06 05:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by Allycea's Mommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think money should be your first concern about getting pregnant HOWEVER, you should make sure you can afford to be on maternity leave AND you can afford child care once the baby is here. Money is the #1 problem that causes couples to break up and having a baby can add to the financial strains.
I would talk to a financial planner before hand just to make sure your "ducks are in a row" . My financial planner said it's not how much you make but what you do with it that's important!
Good luck!
2006-11-06 05:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by family_matters 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel it is right and you know you can care for the child emotionally, physically and financially then go for it - as long as you are both sure you want to be together and have a very strong relationship.
Good luck with the choice you make.
2006-11-06 05:17:18 · answer #7 · answered by Missy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what my mother told me once . . . 'If you wait until you can afford to have a child, you'll NEVER have a child'. The money will come, you'll find it where you need to and you'll cut back.
I REALLY understand your concerns; don't WORRY so much. Worrying alone may keep you from getting pregnant. Keep in mind that is DOES work out, for so many people, and when you want it, you'll do what YOU have to do to make it.
Good Luck!
2006-11-06 05:18:05 · answer #8 · answered by Lorese K 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should wait till after your married. It will give you more time to save up money. Also it will give you alot more time to spend on your wedding. And not have a big belly or a child running around.
2006-11-06 05:18:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and try. You will be ok and people will throw baby showers for you so you should be set with things for awhile and you can always save money along the way.
good luck
2006-11-06 05:17:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋