After 6 years of no contact, my ex-boyfriend emailed me. After several letters we decided we want to get together for dinner. I don't want to tell my husband for fear he will be extremely upset. I really need my ex's friendship, but my husband will be furious that I have started a casual relationship with ex. Do I tell my husband or just keep it a secret?
2006-11-06 04:55:35 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess what you really need to ask yourself is, why do you need your ex's friendship so bad? If you love your husband, then you would not do it because you know it will hurt his feelings. Believe me, I just went through a sitaution VERY similar to yours. I don't know what the realationship is like between you and your husband, but if you can't let your ex go, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your marriage and find out who you are first and what you want. You need to think of what is better for you in the long run compared to what sounds nice right now.
2006-11-09 03:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Torturedsoul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on a few things.
1) Is your husband insecure? Meaning, will this hurt him and lead him to believe you may leave him? If so, maybe it is not worth it.
2) More importantly, is there any chance that either of you has feelings for the other? If you even have a chance of having feelings beyond friendship for the guy, you need to run now before you wreck your marriage. Remember - there is a reason he is an EX.
And if you think there is a chance HE may have feelings for you, you should also run. I was in this situation, and I naiively believed that my ex was in it just to be friends, like adults. Not too much time went by before he was professing his love to me- even after he knew how I felt about my fiance! Not a good situation.
3) The fact that you haven;t told your husband implies that you feel at least some guilt - and this too means you should just wash your hands of it. Or maybe invite him out to dinner with your husband *and* you? This can firmly establish the lines of friendship.
You married the guy for a reason, and broke up with the other for a reason. After time passes, it is very easy to forget why you broke up with someone and see only the good. And it is also easy to forget why you fell in love and decided to *commit* to your current man ... but he must be great for you to have decided to spend the rest of your life with, right? Think about that - thnk about the fact that you made this man your family :)
Hope it all works out okay.
2006-11-06 05:10:58 · answer #2 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you "need" a "friendship" of a person who hasn't even been around for the last 6 years? IMO, it wouldn't be worth jeopardizing a marriage for. There's no reason at all you would "need" to see your ex; you might *want* to - well, this is a different story. Kinda depends on the value you place on the peace in your marriage, on the one hand - and a seeing your ex, on the other. No point in telling your husband - unless your purpose is to create problems.
2006-11-06 05:12:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't. Do you honestly need "friendship" from and ex that hasn't been in contact w/ you for 6 years? I think the "attention" is what you're seeking, not friendship. How would you feel if your husband was juggling you and his ex? What are your ex's motives anyway? Don't be stupid.
2006-11-06 05:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by Petra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be interested to hear you explain that you "need" your ex's friendship. If you do this, you are making a huge mistake if you really do love your husband. Have you heard the expression "avoid the appearance of all evil?" I think it is a good to avoid such appearance, because that is how rumors get started and so on and so forth. What would you do if you got caught by your husband and he thought it was more than what you call "casual?" Is it worth losing him over it?
2006-11-06 05:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by Local Celebrity 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the best thing to do is let go of your ex - even though his friendship would be nice, your husband is going to be upset if he knows, and upset if he finds out down the road. Respect hubby enough to put him first. As for your ex - his friendship may contain ulterior motives. Tell him you are happily married and cannot talk to him any longer.
2006-11-06 05:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to the question you're asking. Lets answer the real question, NO YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T ALLOW HIM TO DO. Don't invite another women or man into your marriage unless you want it to end up in divorce. Oh ya! About your little secret dinner you better tell him about it before he finds out from someone else. It's better that he gets mad about what he is hearing from his wife. Rather than being angry and embrace because he's hearing it from SOMEONE else. Who? Your ex. any man that will date another man's WIFE has NO RESPECT for the WIFE or her HUSBAND.
2006-11-06 06:05:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm, put yourself in his shoes. Would you accept that if an old Girlfriend and him did that. I don't think so.
That is an ex boyfriend and after all this time he wants to be friends. Right!!!! He knows what he lost and now he wants it back and will try to play the nice guy play until he can get some.
You lie and scheem about it you will be worse off. What is so important that you need to be buddy buddy with this ex BF.
If my wife pulled that and didn't tell me, the locks would be changed and she would be on the street faster the a 5$ ho on a cold Jan morning.
2006-11-06 05:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by SRC 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not the idea of telling your husband or not... The extremely bad part is seeing your ex... and really wanting that... If your husband doesn't mean that much to you maybe you should think about leaving... Then you would have two ex's to visit with...
2006-11-06 05:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by deakjone 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to say this but if you are married then you have an emotional obligation to NOT see your ex. How would you feel if the tables were reversed and not only did your hubby see an ex but had dinner with her too all without telling you? You and anyone else in the world would think this a great violation of his trust in you.
2006-11-06 05:02:15 · answer #10 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋