my husband works with & travels with his dirty affair?

Question

he works in a office with a women he cheated on me with.
he has lots of business trips that i now go on, but she still works next to him and can go on the same trips .. i love him we have been together 25 years, his job is very highly paid , i'm going nuts i hate every day he is at work with her, she has a boyfrind now but she still asks my husband not to take me with him on trips, i cry every day since i found out it's been 7 mo but i lost all in my mind ,i feel so sad like my life has just been a pack of lies.. he says he loves me and is sorry, will the pain ever go away ?
what can i do ? I hate her so much we were friends, i was tricked.
some days are ok , but i think about killing my self everyday. my kids are grown and moved out, i never had a job outside the house, and now the thought of being poor and watching him have fun and traveling around the world with her is to much . he says he loves me, but i thought he loved me before i found out just going crazy,

Answer 1

You said your hubby has a great job. That means he has provided for you very nicely. Put it to him point blank, next time there is no forgiveness and you WILL take him to the cleaners. And tell her that you do not think her boyfriend will like it to much either if you tell him the history.....


You shoulda divorced him the first time....


GL

Answer 2

That's so sad...but you need to start finding yourself...it seems like you didnt get a chance to find yourself....you became a wife and then a mother...now that the kids are gone...you are focusing all your energy on your husband....you should start investing your energy in YOU!!! Go back to school, learn a trade, pick up a hobby, start working out.

The truth is that you cant stop your husband from having an affair again, no matter how much you are with him. And the fact that you are spending so much energy on it, its going to bring you down. If its becoming unbearable for you to move on...you may want to consider a divorce. If you do, consider a divorce, you are entitled to alimony.....he made you accustom to a lifestyle...so dont think that you will be poor and watching him. Maybe a marriage counselling would be helpful....good luck in whatever decision you make. Remember, dont think your 25 years was a waste, maybe you both have come to a cross road in your lives and need to move on......it wasnt a waste just an experience.

Answer 3

Sweetie, first of all, you need to get some counseling. You desperately need someone to talk with about all these feelings you're having. I know, I've been cheated on recently, too. My husband and I have been together 26 years and married 25 years. I had many of the same feelings you're having. But, don't you dare do anything to yourself! DON'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF THINKING HE MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU! Once you get counseling for yourself, then you need to take this man aside and flat out tell him that either he gets another job away from this husband stealing hussy or he's going to find himself a new wife although that may be rather hard since you're going to own at least half of everything he owns. If you're just staying with him because of finances then you don't have to worry. He has to pay you alimony and in many states that means that he has to provide YOU with the life you're accustomed to. You may also want to consult an attorney just for your own peace of mind. You deserve better than this man, but if you're going to stay with him because you love him and you believe he loves you then he has to be willing to live by your rules. That means counseling, no business trips with this wh*re until he finds a new job, finding a new job, he understands you are NOT his doormat, you expect to be treated with love and respect, and if he can't abide by your rules or he ever cheats again make it crystal clear to him that you will kick him out the door and you'll take him to the proverbial cleaners!

Answer 4

OK, You are at home and you are obsessing. First of all if you want to go on a trip with your husband she is not the one that makes that decision he is. It sound to me like you don't have many girl friends around to talk to. I know it is hard but if you are not going to leave him than you need to get a job or start volunteering some where. especially where there are women around so you can make some friends to talk to. Killing yourself is not an option! That is a very selfish thing to do you say you have kids it doesn't matter if they are grown. Get a makeover, get in shape focus on yourself. Become a stronger person and believe me your husband wont know what to do. Good luck and remember life is what YOU make it.

Answer 5

If you are thinking of killing yourself you need professional help no man is worth that. Even if you never worked outside of the home there are jobs out there that you can apply for. Perhaps even get one now so that you have something to do and keep your mind off what you assume he is doing. But mostly if you do not trust your husband, its time to end it. Isn't a marriage based on trust? My husband owns his own company and he too travels alot he always asks me to go but with a newborn baby and a 13yr old its kinda hard so I always tell him no. I never once think that he is cheating because he knows if I even suspect it I'll be gone. He has also told his family, friends and so forth he'd never do anything to hurt our relationship.. You have been together 25yrs you wont be poor your entitled to benefits under the law regardless of if its half his retirement, or spousal support.

Answer 6

upon first discovering we have been betrayed, our self worth will feel deflated and diminished. this is a hard time for u, wish i could say the pain will easily go away, cause it won't. a hurt heart takes time to heal, and you won't be able to trust like u once did.it's quite normal to feel frightened, shocked and ful of panic.i know it feels like the death of the marriages innocence, and it is that. we are always last to know, and last to pick up on it. u need a support system, a good trusted friend, a minister, maybe a family member to talk this over with. if u decide to forgive him, your hurt needs to be exposed and communicated, not in hearing the ugly sorrid details of the affair, but how u feel, he also must be willing to take responsibility and know in his heart he did a wrong, and that it did hurt u. this is something u can't deal with on your own, so get some help. it has nothing to do with u, has all to do with him, and this other woman. u need to tell him that the cheating has to stop,and if it doesn't than u need to be prepared to end the marriage because u need to protect and guard your own well being. my heart goes out to u, praying for u. have u tried bringing god into it?

Answer 7

Your husband pulled a quick one on you... He now has you focusing all your anger and hate toward this other woman... but in reality he's much more at fault than she is... Saying he loves you is one thing... It's his easy way out of a bad situation... You could sue for divorce and take a tidy chuck of that good pay... He's frightened by that and will tell you anything... Take a step back and see who's really at fault here... You mentioned thoughts of killing yourself... Clear that out of your mind... it's probably something he would be agreeable with and fit right into his plans...
The more you look and deeper you look into this entire matter, the more you will come to acknowledge he is the major driving force behind this affair...

Answer 8

just went through a similar situation and I understand your heartache! My best advise to you is to ask your husband to go to therapy..sometimes a trained outsider can make things easier to work through. You will always have that mistrust there...it does not matter how far down the road it is but with help you can learn to work through it together. I think anyone thinking of suicide needs a professional to talk to...he's not worth your life my dear..if you have to look at it like I do. If I don't be strong and hold it together then SHE wins! She already won once I won't let it happen again! If you decide you can't do it..there is always alimony!

Answer 9

Why do you put yourself through this torture everyday because he makes great money? You need to tell him to start looking for another job even if it pays less for your piece of mind. The pain will go away but not unless he makes sure that he isn't in contact with her every day....Your not going crazy, you feel extremely uncomfortable with him seeing her at work. Anyone would. That's normal. Don't let him sell it for money and a great job.

Good luck..

Answer 10

First and most importantly- Please get help if you are thinking about killing yourself!

I've never been in this situation myself, but from what I've heard, it is possible to build trust back up again after something like that. I know it has to be hard with him working next to the woman he cheated with though.

I know it takes two to do the dirty, but I'd have a little something to say to that homewrecker!!! I HATE women like that as well. It's not completely their fault, but they have no consideration for the fact that they are helping to ruin another person and possibly the kids as well! HOW SELFISH! I'd let her know too,in a not nice way, that she'd better watch herself.