What should I do?

Question

I have been married for 2 years now, and my husband is the biggest party animal, so he is always around his friends and drinking and does not have a care in the world what goes around him, life is only about him. He is 31 years now. Before I hung out with him and stayed home and partied as well, but now I feel like I wasting my life away. Now it is different, I do my things and he does his…I think it is better that way. Whenever I go to a family dinner or anything, he never comes with me, and I see all these married couples doing things together, going places together – I guess I am little envious and jealous at the same time. I think I just spoiled him too much by not making a fuss about it before. I am much more of a family person – I love being with my family and his and doing things with them, traveling, doing things outside of the home. We don’t have any children, I don’t know if I really want to with him.

Well here it is, recently a family friend (he was only 30) was murdered and found dead in his car and his funeral was yesterday and I asked my husband to come. I hardly ever ask to come to any of my family’s events anymore, I have just given up, well he didn’t instead he partied all night before and day and was too freaking drunk to come. (BTW his parents, brother and uncles came but not him and this is my family side) I was so pissed and upset at the same time and I was with my family and he called in the evening and was like…when are you coming home? I was giving him attitude and he was like why are you giving me attitude. I was like you didn’t come and he was saying “so what” that pissed me off so bad that I hung up the phone btw he hates that. So I stayed at my parents, so I called and called him this morning and no answer. I feel like he has no remorse and cannot comfort me the way a husband should. I am sick of all of this, what can I do?

Well, I spoke to him and I told him that I am upset about all this, and started crying, then he said stop being so emotional. I told him I am sick of him drinking and partying and not doing anything in the house, guess what he told me..to go ahead and leave. So, I told him that I will bring his parents and mine over to the house today, let's get this over with. It's just not going to work.

Answer 1

You have to talk to him about the things that bother you, he may not realize how much it bothers you (some people don't think beyond their fun).
Try to come up with a plan and some ideas of what you could do together as a couple and allow him some time with his friends.
Being married is a lot of work and talking things out is best thing you can do. Not many people do things just to upset their partner (if they truly love them), they were just never told about it until it was too late. Don't go through life feeling sad, life is too short for that.

Answer 2

First off, your husband's way of handling things sounds dysfunctional; it even sounds to me that he might have a real problem with alcohol. That said - you did choose to marry this person, so you've got no one but yourself to hold responsible. He's not going to change just because you decided that he should; he has the way he does things, and it's a somewhat unreasonable of you to expect him to all of a sudden make a 180 degree turnaround as soon as you decided you didn't like him the way he was anymore. If you want a husband who supports you, and goes places with you (as it should be in a family) - you're probably not going to get it with this guy. There's nothing wrong in acknowledging that you have outgrown this marriage, learning from your experience, and moving on.

Answer 3

I used to date a guy who liked to party - his friends were so crazy and wild. After 2 years of that, I got to be 23 and decided it wasn't what I wanted - so I ended things, despite him wanting to marry me. I found a guy so wonderful less then a year later - who didn't hang out with guys or party at all - we had so much in common that he asked me to go ring shopping after 1 month of dating and we've been now been together 3 years, married 1 year.

I think you married this guy too soon and are realizing now that your interests have changed, meanwhile, his are still the same.

Answer 4

I know this will sound like the answer that everyone is giving you but you need to leave him. Make yourself unavailable If you aren't around he might miss you. Then you will have the control back. So if he does want a marriage with you it will have to be on your terms. You cant live like you are living unless you always want to be second instead of equals in your relationship. Live, hold out and don't give up to him gain your power back. If he doesn't come around yes it will be sad for awhile. You are young and you will live. You have no ties to this guy, no kids! Don't waste your life.
Men are like buses, One comes every 15 minutes, Just figure out which one to ride.

Answer 5

Get out. You will one day want kids of your own and I would not bring kids into a family where the dad stays drunk. He should have came to the funeral if only to comfort you. If he didn't want to be a family man, he never should have gotten married.

Answer 6

gurl that stuff is so crazy no joke! you should talk to him about it if he doesn't listen then maybe it's not meant to be! but at the same time i know you love him and i know how it feels to get hurt! some guys just drink because it numbs the pain inside see if theres something worng with the way the he feels, or maybe he's drinking because he just want life to hurry up! none knows for sure until you talk to him!! GOOD LUCK even if you dont take my advice

Answer 7

Life is too short to be miserable. Divorce him and find a RealMan ...You deserve it!!! he would rather drink and party his life away left him he will wake up with plenty of regrets later I would be out of the picture by then...By the way you should NOT have to ask him to go with you to a funeral....! HE should have went on his own cause he loves you...!

Answer 8

I feel for ya my husband has become the same way I get to stay home with our daughter while he goes out with his friends. All it hurts when i have to take her to parties and I see all the other dads there with there wives and kids. I wouldnt have and kids while your feeling like this. It makes it alot harder to decided what you want to do. I would try to talk to him and maybe suggest counciling.

Answer 9

i think you should leave him alone for some time so that he can realize that he doing wrong stay with your parents and when he call tell him what you want and feel like he has to put an stop on his behavior if he did not care or stop his bad habits sorry to say this but move on leave him

Answer 10

He is a bit immature of 31, I think. Tell him what you need out of this marriage, and that you expect him to change, If he doesn't give it a good effort then you have choices to make.