Accident victims: How do I get over anger over auto accident?

Question

Two weeks ago, I was in a major auto accident (not my fault, which makes it even worse). Some jerk hit me after running a light and after the initial shock and confusion, I feel almost constant rage and then sadness (and still confusion) and a feeling that I'm "coming apart"! I can't relax, can't "focus" and tho' I've been in counseling for awhile (for other stuff), my shrink doesn't have much useful info on what I can do.

My wife says I need to "let my feelings out", but I'm afraid to, and learn relaxation techniques, but to me, they're a waste of time I don't have and I'm not the "earthy-crunchy" type. I just want this to be over!

What can I do so I don't "explode"? (I don't really know what that means, but my feelings scare me)! Is this normal for people after accidents?

Answer 1

This is totally normal and falls under "post traumatic stress".
If you want something that's not a drug and not counseling that might help the feelings lose their edge, then try "Arnica Montana".

People are suggesting counseling because what you are feeling is normal and counseling frequently helps. If you're not the counseling type, try some self-help sites:
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/disasters/fs_self_care_disaster.html

http://www.books4selfhelp.com/ptsd.htm

http://www.nmht.nhs.uk/pdf/Publications/Information%20Leaflets/Post%20Traumatic%20Stress.pdf

Answer 2

By being glad you are alive . It will take time . Know that it could have been worse . Sure it's frustrating because it happened to you -but if you had caused the wreck-you would have even more worries -not to mention your driving record compromised .It's only been two weeks . Give it time and think of each day as a gift .
What you are feeling is normal . 11 months ago , 5 minutes after my son left the house , a man made an illegal left turn in front of him , totaling his first car and sending him to the E.R. and months of treatment . The man's own wife wasn't so lucky . My son was frustrated and even now , when he is in my car , he becomes apprehensive when we make a left turn ; or when another driver gets too close . What don't kill you only makes you stronger . It's a helpless feeling to be going about your day and some careless person intrudes on your life and puts everything on hold . Again , it's only been two weeks . Don't let the jerk in the other car ruin another minute . He may have hit you once-but you CAN put it behind you ; one day , or one moment at a time . You have the rest of your life .

Answer 3

Your feeling just the way your suppose to feel right now. I too was in a terrible accident over 3 years ago. I was air lifted to a trauma center and it was not my fault either. As a result I am no longer able to do my profession, (I drove truck) as the state took my CDL away. So, I lost a great deal of things.
What I did was get a good professional that handle post traumatic syndrome. You have to work this out. I was on 3 kinds of depression drugs and after 2 years I decided to stop them and get it together.
You have every right to be angry it is just finding a way to get over it that is needed.
The other driver is suffering too I would think. I know the young kid that took the whole front of my truck off, knocked my out and caused me to have a compression fracture in my back felt really bad.
Try to seek out help for the anger.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

you have to figure out what is it that's making you so angry.

in this case, if it's the accident itself, you might be at a moment in time where you want to be in control of everything and an accident takes that away. I don't know what you're in therapy for by I'm sure you have related issues regarding that. It isn't so much about doing relaxation techniques though they may help, it's about learning to control your emotions. I noticed that people who like to be in control of everything around them are seldom in control of their own emotions or themselves and will burst out at the first sign of this.

I was like this last year, I'm not really the controlling everything around me type, I'd much rather keep myself in check, but so many crazy things were happening at once both at work and at home that I started feeling myself be out of control. I was even in an accident where the other party just took off, hit and run. I started trying to control everything around me, I started being a control freak. I even started suffering some OCD there. I was started to lose my temper quick and so bad that I could actually feel my blood boil. What helped me actually was my doctor. He prescribed me a very mild anti-something meds...might be an anti-anxiety, not sure, fluxo"something" they were called. I really didn't want to but they helped me focus actually. I only took them for a couple months. I was able to focus on what really matters.....me. Now I'm back to my old self, the type that knows what things I can keep in control and what things are better left alone. You have to realize that some elements are out of your control. Things you CANNOT control: an accident, the other driver. But you can control how you deal with it and the first is to realize that you cannot control it. The sometimes sarcastically used philosophy of "just let it go" applies here....but in the good way because if you don't, you'll only make yourself sick.

Answer 5

I don't accept the word "normal" because everyone is unique, but, yes, feelings such as anger, fear of expressing rage, wanting this to be over, sadness and confusion are quite common. You are a "normal person going thru an abnormal experience". I hope I'm not putting an interpretation on your experience when I say it feels like you've had a shock - a disturbing, disruptive, sudden experience. And I imagine some loss too -- material, for the auto, and also emotional. Some loss to your sense of your personal safety? Of the predictability of your world? Could it be that you feel a loss perhaps to your sense of the order and fairness, or justness if you prefer, of your world? Some loss, perhaps, in the area of your sense of being able to trust yourself and your judgment? All these inner changes can take time to work through one's psyche.

A phrase some professionals use is "post traumatic stress". It means in plain English that you went through an experience (the crash) that you felt as traumatic, and that you are suffering afterwards.

If your intuition is not to "let my feelings out", because you fear (fear what? That you might hurt someone?), then it may be wise to go with your own instinct. You can if you like ask yourself what you would accomplish by expressing yourself in the way that your wife has suggested. In truth, her way is not your way, we are all different, and acting out of anger rarely does any good.

I wonder what happens when you want to relax; and what when you want to focus? Quite commonly in post traumatic circumstances, people experience thoughts they find disturbing. Your key to coping with and then growing through your feelings is in the detail, the specifics of what you really, truly, experience, want, can learn., are ready for..... and what Life wants you to receive. Hopefully there is someone you can reach out to who will listen, understand, and make a space for you to find your own steps forward, which you will find within you and which may well be easier to find with benevolent, gentle support.

What may help is if you can even to a small degree change your mind-place from one of reacting against, of feeling disturbed by and resisting, your actual thoughts and feelings, whatever they may be, towards one of acceptance, accepting yourself as a whole person including these hostile, unwelcome, dangerous desires, of graceful allowing (including allowing your vulnerability) and then releasing them, filling yourself with Light and Love.

Answer 6

Try to turn it in a positive side. Think, now when this happened, you can learn something out of it. Right? You can teach your children on this issue, you can be more careful, etc. Ask yourself did that 'jerk' did it in purpose? Maybe not, maybe he had a kid in a car, whatever. We all make mistakes, so he did. You just got yourself in a wrong place at the wrong time. You cannot hate someone for that. Try to learn out of it, now when you already have it.