Hubby thinks having a baby would help me???

Question

My husband of 4 months thinks if i have a baby with him i will feel better and more secure/fill emotional void?I am 18 and attend NYU taking 16 credits and he is 24 a promoter for a record company that does rap and hopes to be a producer he travels also travels alot and goes to a lot of clubs.He was offered a job in houston so even though i dont want to go we are going i have no say because i dont work and parents pay for college.He says we can afford one but i dont think its a great idea plus i saw a tape of labor and threw up.My parents cant stand him and i dont want a problem with them.Ho do i explain that the idea scares me?

He thinks it will end stress in the relationship?

Answer 1

Please wait to have a baby! They are wonderful but a lot of work and having children puts a large strain on marriages at first. You need to finish school so that if anything happens and you want to leave this man (not saying you do) but if that time came or if something ever happened to him and you needed to support your family, you really need your education to fall back on.

Also, babies don't fill emotional needs, friends and family don't either, that is something that comes from within.

You are 18 and have your whole life ahead of you... do you want to go to some of the concerts of these people your husband is working with? If so, imagine doing so pregnant, and/or with a baby. Also trying to find a babysitter you are comfortable with if there is no family around to help. Again remember you are 18, you should experience life, do things you want to do before settling down with kids, once you have kids your social circles change, your life as you know it changes. Heck you haven't even done the bar scene (legally at least). Your husband has had a chance to do all that he is older and forgets that there are certain things you haven't done yet. Not only that, having a child is very different for a woman than a man, the responsibilities are on you a lot more than him (not saying men don't help, my husband is a great help and awesome dad). You even said your husband travels a lot, so you are going to be doing a lot on your own.

As for your parents not liking him...do you know why they don't like him, are they good reasons or petty ones? I mean my husbands mom hates me because I am not a size 3 im a size 10 im not pretty enough and well her son lives out of state because of me... those are not good reasons to dislike your child's spouse, but if they have good legitimate reasons think about it long and hard, they might be onto something...

What ever you choose I wish you all the luck!

Have a GREAT day!

Answer 2

Having a child will definitely only put more stress on a marriage. Especially one in which the father travels and is out during the night. My advice would be to explain to your husband that you would enjoy spending a few years with him as a married couple, before taking on the "Lifetime obligation" of a child at this time. Help him see that you are only 18, needing to complete your education and that is your priority at this time. You can't give what you don't have. Having a child is bigger than "being able to afford one". I am the mother of 5 children....3 have become wonderful adults, and the last 2 teens are awesome. But if you are having security and emotional issues now.....it won't become less having to care and nurture another person 24/7. Please focus on YOUR goals and I'll bet in a few months you will not be so insecure. You might actually become confident and accomplished. THEN....when your husband's job is settled, and you are prepared - and confident that your marriage is secure - go for it. There are way too many children born into marriages that dissolve and it is usually the mother who has the job of raising them. You should be completely sure before you do this. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I am not a mother yet but just by being a woman, it is common sense that a baby wouldn't relieve stress in any way. I love kids and I can't wait to have my own but my husband and I are waiting 5 years before we start a family. You need to have time together as a couple.

My husband and I have only been married for 6 and half months and we have discovered that we have weaknesses that we need to overcome before creating a new life. Babies are a blessing, but they will change your life guaranteed. The way it sounds you guys barely have time for each other given your hectic and full schedules.

Personally,I think you guys need to concentrate on each other, take time and be patient the Lord will bless you with a child when he knows you are ready. The emotional void and security issue can be filled by each other and by God, because sharing your life with another person is a blessing all on its own and it can prove to be the best decision you ever made.

God Bless you and your husband and I hope and pray you both can agree on an answer that you both will be happy with. I will pray for you.

Answer 4

You have the rest of your 20's 30's and 40's to have a child. Do not have one to fill the void as it won't. You have to be secure within yourself and be ready to have a baby. Babies grow up and become little children that require a great deal of nurturing and direction. Be one with yourself and spend time getting the help to get over the emotional problems your having.
Just be honest with yourself and the husband, wait and see how the relationship is growing or not growing. Children suffer in situations like this. Talk to a professional before you even think of having a little one.
You do have a say where you go and what you do, he sounds like a dominate jerk. If you really don't want to go move in with the parents and finish school. No one allows someone to anything that isn't what we want unless you let them.

Answer 5

Trust me it won't end the stress....a new baby will only add to the stress! I would really wait until you are done with school! Can you imagine taking care of a baby all night long and then going to class? You will be so tired! Sound like ur husband is afraid of loosen you. I would wait on the baby...you have plenty of time. I had mine when I was 22 and that is young. You need to enjoy the time alone...while you can! Trust me I know first hand. It is very hard to go to school and have kids! I have did this!

Answer 6

First of all, do YOU want a baby? if you don't want to have a baby then you need to do what is necessary to prevent having one. go to see your obgyn and get put on some kind of birth control.
Second, it's your body. if he doesn't have a vagina then he doesn't get a say in what you do to your body. besides you have the final say over what will and will not happen to your body.
third...stay in school and finish your degree. take care of yourself. your husband is doing what he wants to do. you do what you want to do. stay in school and finish your education so that you can take care of your self. a baby will only put a stop to your education. besides taking care of a baby will require more work than you are actually aware of. it seems as if your hubby may have a case of the 'baby rabies.' meaning he wants to have a baby and only sees the kodak moments of the baby while leaving most if not all of the work up to you. is that what you really want? then you need to get on birth control, and finish your school. Besides, having a baby will not fill an emotional void...it will add to it and add stress. maybe you can find some activities to keep yourself busy (and your mind from thinking about missing him so much) without over doing it.

Answer 7

According to your situation, having baby is not a good choice. You have to know how busy if you rise child/baby, and the baby isn't a toy or pet that just only need food for life.Your baby is your blood and your body too. It will need more time, responsibility, loving care, attentions, protections and finance to rise a baby. Have you thought and prepared for that?

You are still young, many things can you do and many experiences should you take before having a baby. You can tell him all my suggestions, I hope he will understand.

Answer 8

Hi,

I think your husband is just trying to fill the empty feelings you have when he's not there, having a baby is really hard it's not just having it and that's it, you have no time for anything else you need support his support, it will just make things harder, trust me i am a single mum of one and it's a hard job, stay with your studdies do something for your self, you are young plenty of time for kids, also you need to sit down and talk to him about making decisions together not just him making them for you just because your not working doesn't mean you have to do what he says marriage is a partnership, and in the end your marriage won't last if your not both happy!

Answer 9

Having a child will only add more stress it always does. You have to bring children in this world with no expectations. What he is wanting to do is bring a baby to live for the soul purpose of making you feel better and what would happen if that didn't help? He would resent the kid for not living up to his expectations. If your not happy than that child failed at life.

Answer 10

NO!! Hell no don't have a baby!! You guys can't take care of yourselves yet, how do you think that you can care for a baby?
I am raising a little boy right now because his parents thought that it was cool to have a baby. They have no dedication or mental toughness, and I doubt that you guys do either. Raising children if hard at the best, please do not bring another human being into this cruel world unless you are prepared to give it your all.