My 12 year old son is struggling to come to terms with the loss of his dad 5 years ago.?

Question

He has been destructive in his bedroom,scratching his name into furniture,destroying his own belongings.Yesterday I found 2 lighters & some burnt paper in his bedroom.It's as if he's crying out for help but hasn't been able to tell me.He said he didn't want to upset me.He says he hates it when his friends talk about where they go & what they do with their dads.I have made an appointment with our doctor to see if we can get some bereavement counselling for him.It's breaking my heart to see him so distressed.

Answer 1

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband/father of child. I do believe the bereavement counseling will help a lot. Having your son face the issue and dealing with his feelings will really help. Your son is getting older almost at the age where children change (puberty) and needs the guidance of a male figure. You may want to look into a big brother group for him. Someone he can talk to hang out with that isn't connected to the family. Someone new in his life that he feels comfortable with. I wish you and your son luck. Stay strong!!

Answer 2

This is really serious stuff, and a lot more than a quiet mother-son chat can sort out.

Going to your GP to organise some counselling is the very best thing you can do to start with. The GP should put you in touch with someone appropriate immediatly.

Another person who might be able to help is the school principal, or head of year if he is in high school. Every LEA has several psychologists/counsellors/psychiatrists that are there to help local children and your son's school should be able to set something up. I was a form teacher for several years at a high school and I would be very concerned if a mother told me this about one of my kids, and any educational professional would think the same.

This is a big problem, there are a lot of people out there who are bale to help you, you don't need to sort this out alone. Don't forget to have a chat to your GP about how you are feeling as well.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am so sorry about the loss of your childs father/ your hubby.
He's going through a tough stage in life, puberty is about to hit. Was he always this way? Did it just start? You should tell him he's okay. Also say if he trembles over the bad things in life, he'll miss out on the good things! The bereavement should help and tell him not to keep lighters of matches in his room. If he still doesn't understand you have someone like the doctor explain this. Does this answer your question?

Answer 4

nicely you have had your canines for 12 years you need to experience as though he's a factor on your loved ones and that i'm specific in the experience that your toddler bit somebody and drew blood or brought about bruising you wouldnt be transport him off to the closest foster residing house. Now that does sound severe yet i'm specific you realize the factor i'm attempting to make. youthful or infants are particularly energetic and while coping with an older "greater ill-tempered" canines conserving the toddler and the canines seperated could be mandatory. submit to in recommendations canines won't be in a position to communicate, they could't take their hand (paw) and carry it as much as say quit it. you haven't any longer have been given any thought what your toddler replaced into doing at that factor to impact your canines to act out yet unfortuantely biting or snipping is the way they placed across. I relatively have a chum that has a grouchy older canines and a youthful daughter and an toddler and since the canines is grouchy she avoids the opportunity of him doing something via conserving close eyes on the ladies while via the canines. YOU as a make certain and a canines proprietor ought to coach your toddler a thank you to be outstanding to the domestic dog. IF all else fails perhaps taking the toddler and the canines to "domestic dog preparation instructions" might help. in the experience that your canines is a member of your loved ones you will do what's mandatory.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear that. This must be so difficult for you. You're doing the right thing in trying to get a professional to help. The most you can do is continue showing him love and support. Maybe you can try doing things like going fishing or hiking with him. If you have brothers they can also help by taking him on these sort of outings so he doesn't feel left out.

I hope everything goes well.

Answer 6

You've done the best thing you possibly could. Children are very perceptive. They generally bottle things up as they don't want to upset those around them. He may find it a great benefit to talk to a stranger, he'll be able to say whatever he wants without worrying about upsetting anybody.

In the meantime, just let him know that you're there for him.

Good luck with everything. I hope things work out well for both of you.

Answer 7

Try to find a compassionate friends support group in your area,it is made up of people dealing with the loss and grieving process of a loved one,sometimes the best thing is for a young person to talk to another young person who has the same feelings,holding everything in only makes things worse,I went to compassionate friends for years after the loss of both of my sons. Good luck, Joanne

Answer 8

I completely understand how both of you feel. I lost my father 2 years ago, my daughter and father were very close and it has taken a long time for us to come to terms with our loss. Bereavement counsellors are excellent, that's what got us through. Is there a male member of your family who you both trust who you son would talk to, who could act as a mentor?

Answer 9

i was 15 wen i lost my dad it just takes time i went out took drugs destroyed my room!!i wanting counselling but didnt go though with it im fine now at 18 he should be fine

Answer 10

I think it's the right thing to do to have him talk to someone about his feelings. It's hard for children to loose a parent and boys are worse for keeping feelings bottled up. I really hope he finds it helpful and that it may enable him to talk to you about things, it would bring you closer also.