How can I make her see?

Question

One of my best friends used to say at the beginning that me and her other friends came before any guy.

However, this year she has got a new boyfriend and the above appears to have been forgotten about. The four of us (me, her and two of our other best friends) went on holiday this year. Her and one of the others were really boring, because they both had boyf's back home and me and the other friend went out on our own a lot because they just wanted to stay in the hotel room for the evening.

She hardly has any time for me anymore. I used to go out with her boyfriend's mate, but we broke up and since then she can only ever spare like an hour for me! And when she can find an hour I am often busy anyway!!
How can I make her see she is treating me and the other girls really badly? I know she loves her boyfriend but she used to say we came first, but we obviously don't. I have lots of other friends so its not a problem, but I would like her to know what a ***** she is being, tactfully!

a lot of my other friends have long term boyfriends too and they manage to spare time for me and the others!

plus they have been together nearly a year so its not the beginning stages! As I did say I am happy she is in love but surely one night out or in a week with the girls isn't that much to ask?

thanks for the answers so far they are helping :-)

Answer 1

It's difficult. It's possible to have the very best of intentions, but love is a funny thing and it's only natural to want to spend as much time as possible with a partner, especially in a new relationship. It's even more difficult if you're not attached and your friend is because while your life is staying more or less the same, hers is obviously changing to accommodate her boyfriend. I would try to arrange a time to see her on her own and explain that you're not trying to be nasty, but that you do miss her and the times you used to spend together. Get her talking about the things you used to do and try to remind her of what she's missing too. Good luck!

Answer 2

Relationships change after we become involved with members of the opposite sex. Quite often after the initial honeystage stage of the relationship things go back to be a little more of the norm. However, once someone finds another person to fill the void they feel is missing in their life all their other mates take second stage. Be happy for your friend and remember that she is currently on a natural high and as such is making major changes in her life.

You can try and tell her what an *** she is being but personally I think that she will take offence and it may end up doing more harm than good to your relationship. She may feel that you are jealous and/or unhappy for her and be very offended. Trend carefully.

Answer 3

I am not trying to sound mean but it sounds like you are jealous of her having a boyfriend. You should be happy for ther if she is in love and happy. Friendships change as we get older. You can still be friends and not see eachother all the time. My best freind from highschool and I see each other maybe 2-3 times a year and that is usually at our kids school. But we still keep in contact via telephone. Don't worry about it. It is the way life takes you.

Answer 4

She's made her choice. I would include her in girls nights out etc and if she doesnt participate then stuff her. Its happened with loads of my friends and there's bugger all I could do about it. A real friend wouldnt behave this way. You'll be the first person she'll run to when it goes pear shaped so dont be a door mat when that happens. Tell her now that you miss her company and that you would like if you could go back to spending a bit more time together and if she doesnt pay any heed to this then stuff her. As you saud, you've loads of other friends anyway.

Answer 5

you cant really make her see shes wrong - a lot of people make this mistake.
I guess the only way you could bring it up would be to tell her you're kinda missing her company - she'll prob ask what you mean - where you could tell her that whilst you know she loves her boyfriend etc etc that does she realise how much shes neglecting you and your friends. - casually throw into conversation about how she cant be guaranteed this relationship will last - and that you and your friends may not be so receiving if things go wrong for her due the fact of how easily ye were dropped.
xx

Answer 6

You can't make someone see unless they are willing to open their eyes. If you value their friendship, talk to her about how you don't feel as important.

But at the same time, there is someone new in her life that is important to her, so if he's a decent guy --- you all need to share your loved ones.

If you demand that she put him aside, then you put her on the defensive and you will most likely lose. No one really responds to ultimatums.

You can also try to be understanding. If you were in her place, how would you feel? Would you want your friends to be happy for you that you found someone to love?

If her heart is broken by this guy, who do you think she will lean on?

Answer 7

I think you're being a bit harsh, if you got a new fella would you want to spend all your time with your friends? I know I wouldn't, I'd want to be with him.

On the other hand this is obviously the beginning of the relationship, give it a couple of months & they won't be spending all their time together & she'll have more for you but you'll have to be a good mate & be there for her when she wants someone to talk to or hang out with!

Answer 8

Why dont you just be happy for her? If she truly is your friend, you would be happy for her. Is she really treating you badly or is she just spending alot of time with her BF? There's a difference between the two. Tell her you miss hanging out and ask her to make more time for your friendship. ..... Other than that, you either risk losing her alltogether or becomming more bitter as time goes on in the friendship.

Answer 9

Don't worry about it. She's a friend and she'd in love, so let her be happy. She might not be the friend she was, but I'm sure she'd be there if you really needed her.

I know a lot of people say that friends should always come first, but in my opinion as you get older, you marry someone and have children, that person ultimately becomes your best friend.

Answer 10

Funny how friends always say that...! She's all loved up at the moment, give her some space and when the lovin' goes off the boil she'll be more than happy to come back to the fold.