Should I give up on her?

Question

I've known a girl for a few years now. There was always an attraction but a year ago we got close and started going out. Our relationship only lasted a couple of months because we both had unresolved issues in our personal lives which needed to be addressed, so we had to be alone. I've never stopped thinking about her since, and she tells me the same. I don't like getting close to people emotionally, but after 8 months I realised how much I loved her. I kept it from her for a while, but after a couple of months of realising, I could tell she felt the same.. so I told her and she said she loves me too. Since the breakup we've been kind of in an open relationship. I really need to be on my own right now for personal reasons, but I can't let her go. She's moving away in a year and I can't stand the thought, although knowing that she'll be happy where she's going is comforting. Lately she keeps talking about "pulling girls" and about how she wants to go out with my ex girlfriend for a...

... day, just to get back at my ex girlfriend's partner (my ex is going out with the girl's ex and would leave her partner for the girl).. the thought makes me feel sick. I've been trying to distance myself, but every time it seems to be working, every time I feel that we're drifting away, we end up closer than ever. I'm scared of hurting her, I'm scared of her finding out I'm not a loveable person and I'm scared of us getting together again and then breaking up for me to no longer be around for her. Sometimes I tell myself "that's it" and try convincing myself that I hate her, but I can't help going back to her.. I love her so much.

Answer 1

Wow, what a hard spot to be in. As an insider looking in, it seems to me that she is playing games with your head a little. That is a huge red flag. Another red flag is the fact that she will be moving away. I can totally tell that your really involve with this girl. However, sometimes in life things just aren't meant to be. Why invest yourself into someone who is moving? Maybe it's a sign, maybe there is someone better for you out there. I really feel like it would be in your best emotional interest not to pursue her anymore. The strong feelings of love for her will eventually go away. Not to mention this girl is telling you that she wants to be with your ex g/f. I would assume that you don't want this to happen. She has got to know that it would hurt you to see her with your ex. I am sure this girl is a great person but she is doing some f***ed up sh**. Again, I strongly suggest that you distance yourself to spare yourself the pain you will experience from all angles.

Answer 2

Love is a hard emotion to deal with because it makes you do all kinds of foolish things that you wouldn't ordinarily do. My advice to you is this. Take a good hard look at her and how she acts towards others. Chances are she will do the same to you that you see her doing to others. If you are truly in love though nothing anyone says here will make a bit of difference. You are going to do what you want no matter what. That's love for ya! If you can try and stay away from her as long as possible. This will help you to get stronger and less likely to cave in when the time comes for you to break up permanently.(You are not broke up yet even if you said the words.) The emotion is still there and as long as that little anchor is still in place you will never be free of her. Also try finding someone else who can fill the void in your heart. I hope this helps. BYE.

Answer 3

It is not unusual for you to be scared of a relationship especially when you have been hurt by someone in the past. If you really love her as much as you say you do then you need to talk to her about the way you feel. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship besides trust. If you cannot communicate with her then you are doomed.

Answer 4

Have you told her exactly how you feel. it might help to talk to her about it and perhaps you can come to an agreement of being in a relationship but one that suits your needs as well as hers. if you lover her so much i wouldnt give up on her just yet as you may regret it later on. i would try to find a way of being happy with her either in a relationship or close friend ship.
hope it all works out for both of you in the end. but if you cant have the relationship, dont ruin the friendship

Answer 5

You do sound hurt and confused and honestly like you are trying to talk yourself out of being with her as you are scared of something. Allow it to happen if its meant to be then things will happen if they aren't meant to be then you know that you tried anyway. Do you honestly want to sit down adn clear your mind at night to have her be the first thought that comes to your mind and the next seconds thoughts include but I never did this or this or that... What would it be like if I had? And then you spend the next 10 years trying to still talk yourself out of it.

Answer 6

Either commit your self totally to her, or let her go. You are playing her as much as she is playing you. If you are not willing to move with her, then let her go - unless you think she might change her plans. If you won't move with her and she won't stay and if you two can't unconditionaly commit to each other - cut her loose and find someone you can commit to.

Answer 7

i think u shud get back together....and try sharing your problems with her, may she can help u out ...if she finds it too much to take then you'll know what kind of a relationship you are in

Answer 8

Eitheer you want her or you don't, quit being so wishy/washy. Neither of you seem to be able to make up your own mind.