So angry!!!!!!!!!!!with my husband what to do??????????

Question

My husband of 2 1/2 years is a med . school student and 23 yrs old and i am a 22 yr old who works in P.R at the moment and already graduated college.We have been having major problems because we never see each other i work a lot and he is asleep or studying. I tried everything catering to him completley when i came home learned how to cook what he liked ,massages,love/miss u notes and running baths.I got completley ignored maybe a nod and smile if i was lucky!All i wanted as a few minutes of spending time with him.We had not had sex in 5 months and when i brought up our problems he said he was busy or i was being dramatic.Now he wants to seperate till he graduates med.school?can this work?

First year of marriage as so great what happened?I was supportive of him even staying in jersey with him even though it makes my commute to NYC hell.

Answer 1

No, this won't work!
If he wants to separate now until graduation, he will have other excuses later. Maybe he really believes that all your problems are due to his stress situation at med. school. But it is an illusion to think that this will be over after his graduation. Everybody's life is full of stressy situations, and he will have other ones later!

Or he learns how to deal with stress management now, or he will never do it.

But maybe your problems are of a very different kind, and this 'stress' is only an excuse because he is to coward or simply to lazy to deal with your real problems in your relationship.

My advice to you is that you put all your energy finding out the roots of your problems. Even if you don't see any result in this later, never accept this deal of temporary separation, because it will senselessly ruin your own life!

Good luck and be strong!

Answer 2

I think a seperation would be the beginning of the end. After only 2 1/2 years, this is extremely dramatic. No sex for 5 months with people as young as you, sounds like someone else may be involved. I would keep my eyes and ears open. Something else is going on besides struggling with school. Beleive me there are harder hurdles to cross than going to school and if this has turned him away from you, it may be a good indicator that something drastic coming up between you could not be handled either. I'd probably offer him an ultimatum and explain that women need time and attention from their mates and if he's already not able to give that, growing old with him will be even lonlier!!

Answer 3

Well the seperation was inevitable. You two were already begining to go your seperate ways. When a couple doesn't communicate, that's where it usually heads. Maybe you guys got married way too young, before you had established your own lives. Trying to establish your life alone is hard enough, imagine trying to get your stuff together while putting someone through school, paying your bills, and trying to save money for a future, that's not even mentioning to kids yet. You guys have a lot on your plate and maybe he's right. Maybe taking a little breather to get yourselves together, is not a bad idea. It's better to do it now that theres still love in your marriage rather than wait till later where you might get caught up in a fight that has nothing to do with anything and end up leaving eachother on bad terms.

Answer 4

Don't you know that medical student can not sleep 20 hours/day? I'm sorry to tell you but he will not have time in the last 2 years of study because he has to study in hospital 24 hours/day. Don't compare medical science with other sciences. It related with human life, so it should be serious, intelligent and a lot of commitment to take it.

I wonder why did you choose him as your husband? You have to remember. I think a lot of good motivations behind. And many considerations before decided to be married.

If you are good wife, you should support your husband. He need your support to finish his medical school faster and successful. Don't run away from problems with living separate. And as you should know, being married is not only for sex. Sex will come after you if he has enough time to do that without stress. Be patient and keep kind to him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Sorry to say that "for better and worse "means very little it seems
Always seems the one who stood by and supported while the other studies and graduates is usually the one left behind in the end. A marriage under this stressfull time is either extremely sturdy and can take it or usually doomed from the start. Sadly I would seperate and be prepared for the worst> divorce.

Answer 6

Bless your heart. Well all I can say is hang in there. I know (especially after it seems you've tried to meet his needs and help him out and stuff) you are seeing red. Somthing helpful that I learned with my man (and this may not be exactly what you're going through or you may have tried it) is when he gets home and I can tell he's had a hard day...I don't rush over to him and smother him right away. I give him 15 or 30 min. to unwind, rest, relax...Sometimes men need to have their space for a bit. As far as feeling dejected, it's probably the hardest to show love to our husbands when we feel they don't appreiciate it or don't recipricate. Have you ever thought about what his love language is? What i mean by that is what is the way that he most perceives your love? Is is encouraging words, touch, acts of service, gifts, or quality time?

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

Also I wanted to tell you a book that really changed the way I think about my husband is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartain
http://www.stormieomartian.com/products.cfm?pagenum=3

I know it might sound off-the-wall to you, but I think if you would just go read the exert from this book online it would help you out...best of luck to ya...

Answer 7

No, apparently he is too immature to be in a marriage. While I understand that Med School must be an incredible amount of work, he needs to understand that with having a wife comes certain responsibilities. There is no excuse for him not making love to you for more than 5 months.

He either thinks he made a mistake, and doesn't want to be married, or he's having an affair.

You need to go to a counselor with him, and decide what needs to be done.

Answer 8

here is what I have noticed about men. My dad is a doctor, orthopedic surgeon. He is always busy. And he has had his practice for a long time now. The busy-ness is never going to subside. But you have to remember everybody wants something from your husband he is a doctor. He is supposed to be able to cure everyone. So he has an obligation to his patients to be a miracle worker and when he comes home expectations should not be waiting for him.

Its hard. I never saw my dad and my mom rarely saw him either. And the hard times came and gone and came again.

The reason he wants to separate is not because of you personally. It is your needs. He feels he can not meet your needs because of the expectation placed on all doctors to heel. Has something happen during his studies to show he is not the "miracle worker" one thinks they are in that field?

So, ultimately my answer is focus on you. I don't and have lost myself somewhere in life. And I am now 31 and just figuring it all out. Stop cooking for him unless it is something truly you enjoy doing. But, don't make a big deal out of it. Except to yourself. Don't be available all the time. Stop doing for him. Let him grow up and become a man with out you in tow.

No separating is not good nor is it the answer. Try your hardest not to let that happen by showing him you don't need him. Its a rediculous mind game and I hate it. But unfortunately, it is what works. Be confident look at everything you are able to do. You are talented and self taught. Be encouraged in yourself and find your happiness.

Marriage is a death do you part kinda deal. You love with out thinking of the sacrifice and do things without keeping tab. Its unconditional. And unconditional is never easy. But quitting is not an option. Tell him that. And then leave it alone. Pray without seasing because it works.

Believe in yourself.

Answer 9

I get that med school is very demanding and stressful.....but no sex in 5 months? That's another issue. Maybe it is wise to separate for awhile. But you run the chance of moving further apart also.I would try and find out if there is someone else.

Answer 10

Don't listen to these other people that say he's seeing someone else. If he has zero time for you, he has zero time for anyone else. Med school is difficult and stressful. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He's busting his butt so that he can provide a good life for you later in life. Try talking to him about how left out you feel, and then take it from there. Good luck!