I have Asperger's Syndrome, is there thing I can do to help myself with this?

Question

I am a 21 year old male. I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I was told that there is no cure for this condition, which makes perfect sense. I hate the way I am. I asked a girl out for the first time the other day, and although it took a LOT of prepping, it was still a disaster and I was so nervous that I had to throw up afterwords. What can I do to help me socially and be more normal as well.

Answer 1

First, you ARE normal.... you have a disorder that makes you seem different, but you ARE NORMAL. I know your condition is difficult; I'm not a doctor, but a worked for an institute for a while, and I'm giving you whatever info I have on Asperger's ok?

I really hope this helps out. The information below is more geared towards overcoming learning disabilities, but it gives you general information and strategies for coping in social situations and how to improve your abilities with this disorder and what resources to use.

If you search online, make sure you are looking at accredited and recognized institutes and forums, not just some person's website.... And consult your doctor!!

Good Luck! AND DON'T DESPAIR!!!

The info follows here:

Asperger/s syndrome

Asperger/s syndrome is within the spectrum of autism. It is a neurological developmental disorder which affects the way a person communicates and relates to others and their environment.

These students differ from those with Autism in that they do not have the accompanying learning disabilities often associated with autism. They may not have the emotional resources to cope with the demands of the classroom.

They may display difficulties in relating to others, have poor social skills and lack empathy.

They may be hypersensitive to their environment eg, colour, noise, clothing and visual stimuli.
They may have difficulties in communicating.

They may display repetitive and stylistic language

They may show obsessive and compulsive behaviour and interests which can change over time.

Developmentally there are critical stages which have to be carefully monitored eg, puberty.

Emotional vulnerability

Poor physical coordination

Academic strengths/weaknesses

Penmanship problems

Concentration poor

Restricted range of interests

Implications for the learner:

•Inappropriate or limited social behaviours eg, poor eye contact, limited facial expressions

•Often isolated, relates better to adults or older or younger children

•Insistence on sameness

•Do not understand social rules and their implementation

•Inclined to make “black and white” judgements that are difficult to change

•Some show formal stilted speech in a monotone, which can appear inappropriate and insincere

•Others show fluent language skills, which may lack relevance

•Literal interpretation of the spoken word that leads to inappropriate verbal responses and actions

•Asks inappropriate, sometimes repetitive, questions as the basis for initiating social contact

•Experiences difficulty in beginning and sustaining conversations

•Difficulties with understanding, forming and maintaining social relationships

•Lack of empathy and understanding of the rules of social interaction

•Difficulties with imaginative activities

•Difficulties with creative activities

•Lack flexibility

•Reasoning may be rigid and appear to lack common sense

Demonstrated by:
•stress
•rage,
•depression,
•in-attentiveness,
•frustration,
•temper outbursts,
•chronic fatigue,
•crying.
•Poor motor coordination
•Clumsiness
•Students often have above average intelligence but lack higher level thinking and comprehension skills

•Their speaking style and impressive vocabularies give
the false impression that they understand what they are talking about, when in reality they are merely parroting what they have heard or read
•Skilled at rote learning but may not demonstrate understanding
•Avoid writing tasks
•Slow written speed
•High distractibility associated with both environmental factors and thought processes

•Time on task needs to be constantly reinforced.
•Impulsivity related to classroom activities.
•Can jump from task to task without direction
•Obsessive focus on one current topic
•Difficulty in changing the line of thought

COPING Strategies:

•Provide predictable, safe environment
•Use consistent routines
•Minimise change and prepare for it in advance
•Avoid surprises
•Teach, model and correct behaviours
•Recognize, reward and reinforce positive behaviours to bring about change

•Use plenty of verbal communication and modelling of appropriate behaviour

•Organize role play of realistic social situations likely to cause most difficulties

•Modify instructional language to be clear and precise
•Check that they have understood instructions
•Have an awareness that all strategies will need constant repetition

•Attempt to educate teachers, support staff and other students in relation to the disability

•Praise classmates for compassion
•Promote empathy and tolerance
•Highlight good role models of social interaction within all classroom situations and the wider environment

•Limit the number of rules and maintain consistency
•Carefully plan membership of paired and group activities
•Recognize the fact that outbursts will occur

•Limit outbursts by recognizing signals or triggers and offering a consistent approach

•Teacher’s voice should be quiet, calm, predictable, matter of fact
•Be alert to changes in behaviour
•Introduce and use social cues for inappropriate social behaviour

•Encourage participation in the first instance in a health/fitness programme

•Provide an alternative programme of non competitive sport or fitness wherever possible

•Carefully structure and introduce students to a competitive sports programme recognizing the considerable difficulties they have in this area

•Simplify and modify lesson content, instructions etc

•Do not assume their comprehension skills are good and that they understand everything

•Be aware that writing assignments can be repetitious and jump from one subject to the other

•Encourage a focus on the real world and to leave inner thoughts and fantasies behind

•Guidelines drawn on paper may help with the control and uniformity of writing
•Allow extra time
•Encourage use of a computer
•Ensure structured sessions
•Break down work into smaller steps
•Offer frequent teacher feedback
•Give redirection opportunities
•Organize timed work sessions
•Use non-verbal signals to bring back on task
•Divert from persistent questioning about fixations
•Set time aside for student to talk about their interests but outside of the classroom

•Restrict focus on particular interest and promote relevant class topics

•Reward through praise on-task behaviour

Resources:

•Clean, orderly environment
•Clock
•Timer
•Timetables
•Schedules
•Diary
•Mentoring and tutoring
•Aide
•Prompter
•Communication type activities
•Access to a speech therapist for guidance
•A visual display of rules and expectations for each subject area
•Video scenarios that highlight good social role models
•Communication type games
•Role play
•Some time out for quiet individual activities eg, games or computer activities
•Social and life skills programs and games
•Guidance from counsellors
•Fitness equipment
•Guidance from an occupational therapist for exercise programme

•Drawn guidelines
•Word processor
•Voice activated software
•Tape player
•Aide
•Prompter
•Signs
•Flash cards
•Visual cues

Answer 2

I would invite you to find within you your strength, your will, your ability for renewal, your self-esteem. Right now, it feels a scary world out there for you. And it doesn't have to stay that way.

You may find value in books such as Asperger Syndrome by Teresa Bolick. You might also consider the possibility that you are not so much Asperger as Highly Sensitive.... if you feel sensitive to others' emotions and/or if you feel easily overwhelmed by conflicting pressures or overstimulated by living in a noisy and visually aggressive culture, it's particularly a possibility, and you might take a look at Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person".

Other than that, the most obvious choice is to get counselling (also called psychotherapy, especially in the States) from someone who is trained to listen to you rather than label you - perhaps a person-centred or Gestalt counsellor.

I will also suggest that hating who you are could make it harder to grow. Asperger is not a disease, so it is not something there should be a cure for. It is a way of coping with a scary external world. Courage, my friend. Slowly, one cautious step at a time, you can expand your freedom, especially if you can believe in yuorself... and finding a counsellor who will believe in you can be a help in developing that self-belief and overcoming your fears.

Answer 3

I can't compare to the sheer medical experience of the other answers, but I offer another insight: I have Asperger's Syndrome.

I was diagnosed when I was nineteen, which had already created some problems. I know how difficult it is to understand social situations. You think you can analyze everything, but then something unexpected comes along and it bothers you.

The best thing I find myself doing is running a few scenarios. Be sure to breathe. Keep in mind that you are a person as well as everyone you talk to. Also, it helps to have unconditional positive regard for people. Treat people well, and they'll view you well.

Good luck. :)