not sexually attractive anymore?

Question

My husband & I have been married for 7 years, he is 25 years older then me. He was my lecture in my University, we fell in love, got married, it was very romantic story. But now I don’t find him sexually attractive anymore. He hasn’t done anything wrong, he still love me V much. We are just like best friends sharing a bed/ house together. But I can’t tell him, ‘sorry darling, I don’t find you attractive in bed anymore!’ can’t I? I can’t live without him in many ways, but I don’t want to sleep with him when he wants me. What am I going to do? I am only 30, I can’t live rest my live like that, but also, I don’t want to leave my husband only for this reason. I still love him…. What shall I do?

Answer 1

How bout looking more into it then looks. Do you find him emotionally attractive? I am only 29 and I made a promise when I got married! Do the right thing and honor this man with vows you took! Maybe get him to exercise with you.....love will always beat attractiveness in my book!

Answer 2

I'm not going to criticize you about this. I think it's inevitable in most relationships even if there isn't a big age difference, because people get used to each other and the excitment fades. Also, love and sex often get confused with each other, and at least you love him still. I'd want to know why you don't find him sexually attractive any more. Has he changed very much physically, did he get overweight and flabby? If so, it might be possible to change that. But it postpones the inevitable--in 10 years you'll still be a young and attractive 40 but he'll be 65.

Even if you don't find him physically arousing you can still go along with it and satisfy him, and get some sexual satisfaction yourself, I presume he's not ignoring your needs. I think that some physical intimacy is much better for the relationship than not having any. And since you say you love him, then you owe him that for the health of the relationship. Even if you have to close your eyes and imagine it's Brad Pitt or somebody else than him.

(Not that I like Brad Pitt.)

Answer 3

My husband (well we are separated now) is 20 years older than me. I did not feel the mininum sexual attraction for him until much later after having met him...First time I saw him naked I wanted to run away :-O and get hid.
Anyway you CAN have sex without flaming sexual attraction mainly if there are feelings involved. Once you get used, you can arouse yourself in many ways.
It is your choice anyway, cause I get that he wants to sleep with you and you dont want him, but you cant live without him... THis situation does not sound as it can last long...Unless he is willing to put up with that.
When it comes to my husband my sexual drive has always been much stronger and despite being the one feeling less attraction I would most of the times take the initiative myself...
If we get back again I know that for a big length, all my husband will want will be 'companionship' as he already has some health problems that are affecting his performance.
Anyway, I would rather have him than a 30 something sexual athlete cause he has some features I value a lot and I am not talking about money cause he happens to be one of the most tight fisted person I have ever met :-) You must ask yourself what do you want, and if a young man would be more suitable for your plans.

Answer 4

There isn't much you can do other than talk about the problem with him or by visiting a councelor. Obviously, being 25 years older than you, his body is going to go through the aging process much sooner than you probably anticipated and therefore changing his outward appearance to you.

This is one of the things overlooked when folks begin a relationship with several years between the partners. No one thinks what things will be like 10 years down the road.

Now, I"m not saying that love conquors all and I surely do not condone a casual outlook on marriage. The fact of the matter is a person's physical attraction to another is what starts any relationship because if you aren't physically attracted to someone, why would you say hello in the first place?

My suggestion would be to see a marriage counselor. It seems you still love him and he loves you, but perhaps there is something that can be done to help you overcome this block of his physical appearance not being sexually appealing to you.

Miss Cris
http://lendinganear.wordpress.com

Answer 5

Mine is 56 and I am 40. I have always loved the way he smells and I find that very arousing. He also keeps himself in excellent shape and has the body of a 30-year-old. He is inventive sexually and pleases me always. How do you love him if you don't want him sexually? I'm not sure that I understand how you can "love" him, but not want him that way. Perhaps you are bored? Maybe some new ideas are in order. Maybe you can teach him some new things to turn you on. I mean 55 just isn't that old, come on.

Answer 6

All things considered, you should have looked down the line when you were in college and known this day would come. You should have known that one of you was going to out old the other.We always look at things for their face value, we need to learn to look deeper into situations so we can make better choices. If you love your husband and can't live without him for certain things, then you should stay with him. People always make sex such a big deal, you can have intimacy and be just as happily married as if you were having knock down intercourse each time. Be happy with the man you chose, your reasons for change aren't really valid. Unless he is abusing or cheating, you stay because of love.

Answer 7

I don't know - I think one reason is just as good/bad as any other if it bothers you enough and is ultimately going to hurt both of you. Just imagine it over time - every time he feels frisky, you don't really want anything to do with him in that way, but sometimes you'll do it, not because you want to but because you feel obligated...and then there will be resentment and he'll start to sense that too. This is NOT good for a relationship. You can't really love him that much if there's no attraction to him -- and that is OKAY. There is nothing wrong with you or him... it's just a fact of life. People change. True love looks beyond the superficial. If you felt that true love with your hubby, you wouldn't be posting this question. You either need to dig deep to find why you love him and want to be with him, or you need to let go to be fair to both of you. How would you feel if someone just stayed with you and continued to sleep with you even if they didn't really WANT to be with you in that way? A little empathy for your husband's perspective might also help you draw a conclusion.

Answer 8

If you still love him and can't live without him, I don't understand how you could not be attracted to him in that way as well. Maybe you don't love him as you think you do. It almost sounds like you think of him as a close friend and don't want to hurt him. I would think if that's not the answer you should talk about it and possibly seek counseling!

Answer 9

What is the important thing in married life? Sexual attractive or love? And what's make your husband not sexually attractive anymore?

Everybody changes everyday, and everybody getting older everyday. And finally everybody will die. Sexual attractive is relative, and you can't judge him not attractive because you compare him with movie/porn stars.......... (may be???) Do you want your husband changes become porn star and **** every girls whom he meet?

I think you are lucky to get husband like him, and you still can do sex well with him, don't you? So, what's wrong with it? Don't let your stupid dream and silly thinking way like sexual attractive, etc. make you crazy and make you loose other things those are more valuable for your real life. Try to life in the real life.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You should have thought of this when you was dating. My GF is younger than me and we discussed this Issie at length before we decided to go further. Morally, you should stay together. However, the way you worded it, your more into looks than love and will probably start cheating or file for divorce. If you do, at least do the right thing and break clean (no support). This man has done nothing wrong to you, why make him suffer more if you do leave or cheat.