teenage moodswings?

Question

what can i do about my 15yr old son...he is lazy, he cant even be bothered to wash his face in the morning,his mood swings have us treading on eggshells and he can be really cruel to his brothers..he was a victim of assault earlier this year and this has contributed to his behaviour...he isnt using drugs or drink (yes i am sure) .hes been suspended from school today for bad behaviour and im dreading him coming home tonight-(suspension tomorrow) and im dreading telling his dad that hes acting up again...all in all its making me feel ill,what can i do TODAY to get through to him, hes not a bad kid really, but hes losing his way...serious answers only please

hes always known that he can tell me anything and that he is loved unconditionally, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink...but we cant just ignore his bad behaviour as it affects other people and to be honest he is behaving like an absolute brat at the moment

hes come infrom school with attitude, threatening to run away etc..,his dad says let him, he`ll be back, i just cant do that...feel like running away myself

some interesting answers and amazingly,no patronising ones! you guys are great!

Answer 1

Join the club! My 15yr old boy is currently lying in his bed having been excluded from school for the umpteenth time. My wife and I have effectively gone on strike where he is concerned - basically if he does not toe the line, he gets nothing from us. His bedroom has been stripped of all mod-cons, he is expected to wash & iron his own clothes, cook his own meals and wash up after himself.

If he leaves his dirty clothes lying around his room, we remove them and he doesn't get them back. We've also had to take away all his right shoes to stop him doing a runner!

I'd like to be able to say that it all works in the end, but at the moment, all he does is rebel even more, however the shoe removal thing at least has kept him under our roof! Good Luck.

Answer 2

Difficult situation, but still the only way I see here is that he needs more care and attention, love above all . Some kids may need more attention than others. They may need to make sure that you care, and they are loved. I believe that he should not be accused of what he has done right now, but u should find a way to build trust in him, so that he can tell u all about what is bothering him. Approach him just like a friend, once he is sure u really want to help, not to accuse or punish him. Let's see if this works though it may turn out to be a time taking process, and he is already in trouble. Whether you or his father should only try to handle this situation with a great care. Good luck

Answer 3

Ask him why he is so unhappy and what he would like to change in his life. His hormones are raging and he is probably very confused and miserable under all that bravado. Counsellors say that people often project their feelings by behaving in a way that causes others to experience their emotions. The connection between the bullying of his brothers and his assault are a prime example. He may feel out of control of his life and you will bear the brunt sadly, as you are the person he trusts not to reject him. Saying that, he has appreciate the impact his behaviour is having on the family unit. It is not HIM you have a problem with, it is his bahaviour- he really needs to understand that part. Remind him that you love him, and that his unhappiness worries you. Try to stay patient. I truly wish you well.

Answer 4

I'm 18 and have probably only just gotten over that horrible attitude towards the parent thing... I think (judging from how I have been and acted), the best thing you can do is give him a bit of space, don't smother him too much with questions or anything... but don't try TOO hard to be his friend either.
I think maybe you should talk to him about your concerns and explain that life is serious and he can't keep acting this way, but talk to him as though you're fifteen again.
When you're in a mode of angst, there's nothing better then when the adult actually gets and understands your frame of mind.
Good luck with him, I'm sure he'll get over it!!

Answer 5

All teenagers are moody, it's a fact of life ...but they need to realize that their actions have consequences and they cant treat their family members (or anyone else)w/disrespect...I'm concerned w/ the fact that he was a victim of assault...did you put him into counseling afterward? I would suggest that...you didnt say what kind of assault , but he may be going through fears, feelings of insecurity and self-doubt as a result and his behaviour may be his way of crying out for help, and he may not even realize it....also, unless you've taken him to the Dr. and tested for drugs and alcohol in his system, there's really know way you can be certain he hasnt done it...my son was sooo difficult to deal with about 6 months ago and I dragged his butt to the Dr. just so I could rule that out...came back negative(thank God). Then I took a good , hard look at myself and realized that mine and my husband's deteriating marriage was stressing the kid out...we went to marriage counseling and our son's behaviour improved right along w/our marriage. I wish you luck!

Answer 6

Well, first of all you have to let him know that YOU are the boss! Don't let him make YOU walk on eggshells in your home! Maybe he should talk to a pastor. Even if you don't attend a certain church they will talk to him. And then he just might get interested in chuch youth groups and change his attitude. This is such a terrible age for teens with all the peer pressure and trying to become an adult soon. Really confusing for them. Just show him that you love him and are there for him to help everyday. I wish you much luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like you need a good chat with him, let him know you care and you're not just bugging him for fun. I know I was a big problem for my mum when I was younger, possibly even until I was about 20 (and moved out). Its only recently (I'm 25 now) that I've realised just how much my mum did for me, and how ridiculous I was to behave as I did.

It may be tough, but perhaps its all just a matter of time. You can't force him to change, but maybe you can talk to him and find out whats causing him so many problems. Blame it on hormones, but still there has to be some trigger to it.

Answer 8

my 15 year old son has these mood swings also he had a rough year in school last year we moved to a new town he was the new kid in school he tried to help some girls that were being sexually harassed and seceded but it bit him in the butt the kid doing the harassing was rich a big name in this town so then ever time something went wrong with this child my poor son got blamed suspended you name it we took it to the school board but in a small town your hands are tied so we optioned him out to another school in the area his grades were doing great until a month ago when we found out his new principal and his old Principal are great friends I told you little town . now he has those awful mood swings again his grades are falling and the only time he is himself is when he is with his youth group or the young life group he is involved with. I have a great kid just like you do but unfortunately just like us they have to go though these times to grow up and we will live though just like our parents did hang in there let him know you are always there a son needs his mom the one parent he can trust will understand and love him no matter what. also look into a Church youth group or young life group in your area Head cook

Answer 9

Can you change your current methods of punishment? Depends what you currently use but try not to do what you normally do. If you change, or change how you treat him, he will notice. Is he depressed and unhappy? How does he feel about himself. Can't tou to ask him to help you with something? Maybe lose weight, do more activities, do more or less as a family? Does he have any hobbies or interest? Could you help develop them. I always think interaction is the best form of change. He may not want to change therefore you have got to get him to change without him actually realising what youre up to. Hope I've helped. Would love to help.

Answer 10

It's hard for children to see past themselves all you can do is talk to him. Also, don't let him rule the roost, he still needs to understand the right way and wrong way to treat his family. Remind him of this with words maybe an elder brother type Friend of the family should bend his ear a bit, he needs to know in the eyes of hie peers that he looks like a spoilt child.