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My friend, Paul is still very much in love with first girlfriend, Ann. Due to life's events (College, Uni) they lost touch.
In the mean time, Paul and Ann met different people and married.
Paul says that Ann was always at the back of his mind. He divorced his wife and he had few relationships but nothing came out of any. I must say that his relationships failed may be due to the fact that he is still holding on and wanting to be with Ann. He says that Ann is his soul mate and no other woman will do for him.
Now, 30 years later, they met and they both still have strong feelings for each other.
She said to Paul that in 3-5 years time, when her daughters will be in Uni, she will leave her husband to be with Paul.
Paul said Ann wouldn't want them to meet (and have sex) because this will get the ball rolling and then there will be no turning back. He also said that she would agree with him seeing other women for sex only.
Is Ann going to actually leave her husband in the end or is she just giving Paul faux hopes?

2006-11-05 23:37:59 · 19 answers · asked by Me me me 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

19 answers

She is using somebody!

2006-11-05 23:42:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0 0

Ann might well have intention's to leave her husband...or she might be 50/50, and want to keep Paul as a spare option for when she finally decides. To be honest, either way it's not fair on Paul. If he sits back and waits for her he could be missing out on something "real" with someone else...and if Ann doesn't end up leaving her husband, then he's had a serious wasted wait! Who's to say the relationship will work anyway? Years have passed, things have changed...they've changed! Everyone remember's their first love, but to take it this far may be asking for dreams to be shattered.

If they truly have loved each other all along, if they truly are fated and destined to be together...then they will, no matter what. BUT, let fate decide, and let Paul use this 3-5 years to try and have a life. If at the end of it Ann does leave her husband, and Paul happens to be single...then hooray. But the chances of that happening, and there being a happy ending, are sadly slim. Will Ann really want to risk upsetting her children whilst they're in the middle of their degree's? Might Ann then expect Paul to wait another 5 years until the degree's are finished? It's unrealistic to expect anyone to wait for anyone else....but ultimately the decision is Paul's.

2006-11-06 07:42:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anon 4 · 0 0

3-5 years is a long time. Ann may think she will do something after that period of time, but when it comes to it her circumstances may well have changed and she might do something completely different.

4 years ago i was with my husband and if someone had said to me that in 4 years you will be divorced from him and married to someone else i would have been surprised to hear it, but that is how it has turned out.

Life is strange and complicated.

I do not think Ann is in a position to ask Paul to wait and that he can see other women for sex only. What about those other women, dont they have feelings too?

No, sorry, Paul should get commitment from Ann now or try and move on.

The break up of Ann and her husband will be no easier on their daughters just cos they are 3-5 years older and at Uni.

Paul shouldnt put his life on hold.

2006-11-06 11:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0 0

Both Paul and Ann are playing with fire. The right thing to do would be for Paul to back off and keep searching for someone who is truly available. And Ann has been with her husband for a significant amount of time. They have children together and a life. Dropping her first husband will have significant negative emotional effects on her, her husband and her children. That just cannot be avoided in this situation. It is possible to heal from this emotional chaos but it will be a long hard journey and if they choose to nip this in the bud before things get out of hand there will be less hurt involved. I have several friends who were married for 30 years and when there kids were grown they divorced their first spouses and went off and married in one case, their office girl and in the other case another high school sweetheart and in another case someone 20 years younger then them. The spurned spouses made their lives miserable, alienated their children caused incredible confusion made holiday gatherings a nightmare. In one case a son of one of the couples went out into the desert and committed suicide. It's not to say that things will always turn out bad but even adjusting to a new person after you have been with one for over 15-20 years can be pretty difficult. Even if your marriage was difficult there is no guarantee that the next marriage might not be even harder. The old saying "out of the frying pan into the fire" can very often be the case. Ann needs to work on the mariage she has and not give Paul any false hopes of a future with her. That is the right thing but people don't always choose the best path.

2006-11-06 09:23:50 · answer #4 · answered by SunFun 5 · 0 0

Paul should move on. If Ann has been married this long and has a family he should admit defeat and look elsewhere for his happiness. Only bad can come of this. Obviously Ann doesnt want to rock the boat with her husband but doesnt have the guts to tell Paul outright. Sorry but sounds like he's 30 years too late xx

2006-11-06 07:42:40 · answer #5 · answered by starlet108 7 · 0 0

I think Ann should be blown out by her husband immediately. She obviously isn't committed to this relationship. Secondly, Paul should grow up emotionally and get on with his life. We have all had childhood crushes that form fundamental parts of our memories. However they are part of life's experience which drive us to move on in life. The fact that 'Paul' is focused on the remote chance of rekindling a relationship from 30 years earlier and in particular a relationship with a married person who is not currently prepared to give him any type of commitment, probably is indicative of his lack of success in relationships in general. Time for him to move on, get some help and spend some time on something that has a chance of working out!!!

2006-11-06 07:56:00 · answer #6 · answered by Moose 2 · 0 0

would he even want to be with a woman that says stuff like that behind her husbands back? What goes around comes around.
Also - no I dont think she means it - if she genuinely loved Paul she would have left her husband and the fact that she wont meet him to start the ball rolling is also a bad sign.
It could be shes just stringing him along - or it could be that shes just biding her time to see how life at home without her kids is - either way i wouldnt waste any more time on her. xx

2006-11-07 06:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

it sounds like she might leave her husband for Paul but the problem is is that she don't no what she wants and the fact is if she doses decide that she wants to stay with her husband then he has waited around for nothing i also think that if she wanted to be with him then she would go now i would tell Paul not to wait and try new relationships as 1 might be what he is looking for and people do change and they could get together and realize they don't actually like each other very much

2006-11-06 07:46:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Nope. She is yanking on him and not the way he wants. If she still loved him like she says then she'd do whatever she could to be with him now. Not lead him on for a few more years. That's just mean. Poor guy. I hope he finds his miss. right 'cause this chickie isn't the right one.

2006-11-06 07:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

She is waiting until the kids grow up and get out of the house-which is what alot of people do. Who knows if she will actually leave her husband, that is one only she can answer, but I do know alot of people that stay with their spouses until the children are out of the house.

2006-11-06 07:59:02 · answer #10 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 0 0

Loads of people plan to leave their partners once the fiancial burden of kids has gone.

Divorce is particularly messy when kids need paying for.
She could be telling the truth on this evidence.

2006-11-06 07:40:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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