Men, what makes you do this?

Question

My husband recently confessed to me that he had lied about some things. One of the things was huge, but the other wasn't. He has lied to me three times, and I wonder what else he has lied to me about. Aside from him being a good father and provider, the only thing he's done wrong is lie to me. Should I do a background check on him, or just hope he'll never lie to me again? I'm worried that he's done things I know nothing about, but I can't really expect him to tell me the truth, now can I?

One lie was about his age. I can overlook that one. He told me he spent 4 yrs. in the Army. He didn't. I can overlook that one, too. He also lied about some money that came up missing. The only thing I overreacted about was him lying to me at all, because when we met I told him I can't stand being lied to. I'm the type that, if you tell me the truth, I'm a lot less likely to shoot you in your sleep.

Answer 1

I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. UNLESS he murder, tortured or deal drugs to kids or worse then I don't see how bad a thing he could have kept from you that would warrant a background check. I my wife were to do that I'd dump her and try my hardest to get custody of our son.

I would have helped giving you an answer if we knew what it was that he lied about. For a few years I lied to my wife about a girl I had dated when I was secure enough with our relationship I told her. She was a little takeb aback but quickly got over it. I claimed to have dated a really pretty girl she new in passing but in reality we were just friends. You my wife is very beautiful and I don't consider myself handsome at all. So I was insecure with regards to her physical attraction to me. So I lied to make myself look better. It was silly and stupid but I did want I thought was right back then. This was 14 years ago and we are now married with a beautiful 7 year boy.

Try and get some perspective on the lies and see if they're worth getting worked up over and maybe putting your marriage at risk.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Lied to you that he was in the Army for 4 years? That's one helluva lie if you ask me? Did he ever tell you about his time in the military? people he met? Things that he did? If so than this was more of a twisted fantasy than a lie.
Being untruthful is pretty bad. Because if he's lied and managed to get away with it all these years than it's enabling him to hone his lies almost into an art form.
I'm afraid if I were you I'd watch him closely and see if you can pick up on any more of these inconsistencies. Hopefully this nonsense of his will end.

Answer 3

Depends, were these crimes like murder and mayhem? or shoplifting? Vandalism spraypainting a protest sign? Or did he step out on the marriage? What is magnitude here?

That said, I suppose it is same as for anyone who shades the truth from time to time, avoiding confrontation, avoiding bad feelings, avoiding a punishment, guilt. You name it. You say he is a good father and provider, but now you have suspicions. What makes you think he is NOT telling you the truth now? Did you find out about these lies or did he come clean and tell you? It makes a difference. If he told you, then maybe the guilt got to him. If you found out, then maybe, you might have something to worry over. Sure, you can trust him again, it just will take some time...

Answer 4

What has he lied about and what concerns has it had, I mean has he lied about the price of rice in China or about being with some woman?
Common now, everyone has a secret, sometimes it's best not to know. I found out a lie that I wish I didn't it changed the entire way I felt about someone and took something away from us. I just wish I wouldn't have found out, it did'nt changed anything anyway except what I related.

Answer 5

Part of the reason that men don't tell the whole truth to women is due to the way women react to the information. Sometimes a man needs your help not your criticism. He already knows what's wrong about the issue. Sometimes he just needs someone to listen. If a woman is the type to go on the attack everytime an issue is mentioned, then where is the incentive to do this again in the future?

Answer 6

Not much info to go on here. He needs to come clean and start being honest with you. This distrust will cause some real issues for the two of you.

Sit him down and get all of it out in the open. Only then can you address and deal with the issues. If he puts them out one at a time over a stretch is just feels like a constant hammering.

Answer 7

From personal experience, I would seek counseling with your husband. You say that he's lied to you three times, and wonder what else he's lied to you about, it sounds like perhaps he's a compulsive liar. There could be underlying reasons for him as to why he does this that could come out in therapy. Please discuss this option with your husband soon, a lack of trust in a marriage will eventually destroy it and if he truly loves you, he'll want to seek the help necessary to fix this problem.

Answer 8

One possible reason for his lying is that he knows you'll freak out over the truth. There's almost nothing more important for a man than to have peace in his home.

While he is responsible for his own behavior, it might be a good idea to look at how you react to bad news. You've got to foster an environment in which the truth is not punished, but is welcomed.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Wow, you sound a little overbearing. So he lied 3 times, one of which was serious, the others were not. Big deal. If you need to do a background check on him, you need to reevaluate the relationship as there is serious trust issues going on.

Answer 10

he lies but you are blaming all men why is that? All woman dont lie but some do. You cant get an objective answer when you burn the person you are asking the question of.