join the club , i experenced the same thing,and i also think peer pressure has alot to do with it,but she made the decision,we are back togather ,guess time will tell good luck
2006-11-06 00:17:56
·
answer #1
·
answered by indm45 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
The definite answer is that depends.
You can and should give her the second chance with a couple of limitations.
She must explain what she was thinking. The real answer with no BS.
That she will never do it again, and mean it.
She should detail what your recourse will be if you ever find out she is up to this again.
She needs a new set of friends.
It takes a long time to get over this and trust will return to 90% of the previous level. It will never get back to where it was. If you stay together she will eventually say "you don't trust me like you used to". The answer will simply be that This was the attention you were looking for, your wariness.
You've already lived through the pain. Give her a chance to make it up to you. Whether she can or not remains to be seen but that takes time. You might as well try to move on with her and see if she learned anything.
You must make her understand why she did this though or it can happen again when she has the next bout of being " not herself".
The hardest thing will be trying to keep this episode separate from any new issue when you argue. It will probably be impossible for you to resist " Yes, but you cheated and hurt me to the core". for a while.
It can still work be she really needs to kiss butt for a while which is not hard if she is really remorseful.
Good Luck
2006-11-05 23:35:12
·
answer #2
·
answered by Flagger 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
That would be up to you. My ex cheated on me and there were no second chances but our love for each other was dead for a few years or mine was. You have to decide for your self if this is what you want out of life. For you to be able to trust her again it will take time alot of time. It will not happen over night. She has to earn your trust back. I don't give second chances because no matter what they say if they loved you then they would have not done it. Plain and simple!!!!!!! If you really love this woman and you believe that she loves you then you have to live with what ever you do. If you think you can trust her again and you really love this woman and both of you can work together in this marriage then I don't see why you can't work things out(I couldn't). A Woman finds a man that is faith full and they screw it up and then say there are no faith full men out there. The worse part is it was with a Friend of yours. Some friend he must be. Maybe this had happened before and you didn't know it. Did she tell you about it or did you just find out? You have a lot of thinking to do before you decide. I hope you make the right choice. Good luck in what ever you do. Just remember if you decide not to work this out there are alot of other women out there that will treat you good and be faith full. Just think really hard before you decide.
2006-11-05 23:10:45
·
answer #3
·
answered by bigdog_0032 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
My hubby cheated with a friend of mine also,Its going to be very hard at first with the trust issue,its been 3 years for me, i don't think you fully gain 100% of the trust back but believe me it does get better,you will go thru so many emotions, mad as hell one day to ok this might work another day..You must work on the problems you had before the affair happened, so you both make sure it does not happen AGAIN..It doesn't matter if you or were not an angel before this happened, No one deserves to be cheated on..The marriage can work, But you both have a lot of work to do..Hopefully the marriage is worth it to you both,But if you don't think you can get over it, then theres no hope,Trust is a very big issue in marriage,once thats broken it takes a long time to regain,if its regained at all..My hubby went thru a mid life crisis, not himself ect ect, it could be true for you wife "not being herself"
Its not cool to cheat on a spouse, therefore her firends are not friends if they say"Its cool".Friends can convince you of alot of things..But bottom line is what are you willing to go thru to make this work? It can work if you can deal with all the emotions you'll have..Hang in there if its what you want and i wish you the best of luck..My marriage is the best its ever been at this point..and i am glad i came back home to work on it..
Good luck
2006-11-05 23:15:10
·
answer #4
·
answered by Shem 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
Friends shouldn't convince another friend to cheat on their spouse, they should know that doing so is wrong. As for your question, if she should get a second chance, you already took her back, so you've already forgiven her for what she did, whether or not you can trust her, it's up to you to work on it, and for her to remain faithful for the rest of your lives. Marriage isn't easy, it has to be 2 people to make it work. When there's a hard time, you both go through it together, and share the happiness with eachother.
2006-11-05 23:03:12
·
answer #5
·
answered by superboredom 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
In my opinion this all comes down to why she cheated. I mean did she cheat because she was drunk? Did she cheat because there was a lack of sex? Did your X-Friend seduce her? Was he a shoulder to cry on and HE took it to the next step? Notice I put an X in front of your friend. First he isn't a friend. He IS an ENEMY. A friend would NEVER do that. He needs to be kick in the B.A.L.L.S. You need to sit down with your wife and have a nice long talk with her. TALK NOT argue. If you think, believe, and feel she is sincere, then give it another shot. This will all take time. She is going to have to REBUILD EVERYTHING to make this work. BUT if you are willing, and she is willing as well as sincere then it can work. Good Luck.
2006-11-05 23:09:11
·
answer #6
·
answered by GRUMPY 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
hectic..... I personally think that I could never trust that person again, and relationships are BUILT on trust, so that leaves you in a very very hard situation. I respect that you are trying to make it work with her, but if I was you I'd just tell her that there is absolutely no guarantee that it is going to work - but you are prepared to try. That way you can see if you CAN build trust again or not. Personally, I wouldn't even consider it unless there were children involved. then I may try and make it work for their sake. All the best though - every situation is sooo different and you need to do what you know is right in your heart.
2006-11-05 23:01:57
·
answer #7
·
answered by supagrrrl84 5
·
0⤊
0⤋
To me, your wife sounds like she's genuinely sorry so yes, u should give her a second chance but this should be the ONLY other chance u give her.
Keep in mind that once trust is broken, it's going to take more than overnight to rebuild it. Although u may eventually forgive her, u may find it hard to forget what she did and u may occasionally brood over it. Obviously, she has to do more than her share of trying to regain and earn your trust again and she has to give her all in making the marriage work.
2006-11-05 23:05:24
·
answer #8
·
answered by cheetah7 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
OK I was gonna say maybe you should forgive her, till I saw that she cheated with a friend of yours. Then forget it, she's crazy. If you let her she will hurt you again. It is certain that you are not the love of her life cause if that was true, she would not have done that to you. Move on from her & get someone who will treat you the way you deserve ok. GOOD LUCK
2006-11-05 23:00:38
·
answer #9
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
A woman who cheats no matter what the reason is, is more than likely to cheat again. If this woman has allowed her friends to tell her it was cool and proceed knowing it was wrong and she didn't like it, what does that say about her character as a woman, a friend, a wife, or even a parent (if there are children involved).
2006-11-05 23:00:18
·
answer #10
·
answered by L G 2
·
1⤊
0⤋
Peole make mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance.
But in this case,it is more important to trust eachother. If you think you can trust her completely and that you won't bring this thing up when problems pop up you should. Otherwise you will be paranoid and will make both her and yourself unhappy.
But you should make her not see those friends again if you want to go on.
2006-11-05 23:13:25
·
answer #11
·
answered by Leprechaun 6
·
0⤊
0⤋