She wants to get married - I don't. Why is this so difficult?

Question

I watched my parents and three good friends go through terrible marriages. So at an early age I decided that I would never put myself through that kind of misery and I have yet to see a married couple that could change my mind. I was extremely honest to my girlfriend when we started dating about this, in fact I made it clear that if she was looking for a potential husband then I am not the guy. Three years later she is all of a sudden furious with me that I won't marry her. She even said the last three years will be a waste if we don't get married. I have repeated my beliefs on marriage countless times and so it's not as if I was ever confusing. Is there a way to resolve this or am I being put against a wall?

Answer 1

That is your decision however you shouldn't string her along as it's obvious that her expectations of you don't match what you want. You are just wasting each other's time.

Answer 2

Just because other people's marriages failed, it does not automatically mean that yours will as well, it's about the effort you both put into the relationship. However at least you were honest about this at the start and she knew what she was getting in to, however, you obviously have a great relationship as you are still together after 3 years, if you continue to put this much effort into it then there is no reason why your marriage should fail. On the other hand, if you have a healthy relationship then it does not automatically mean you have to get married, you can still be happy together. Women do need security and marriage offers this to a certain degree, have another think about it, there are millions of people out there who have happy marriages, my grandparents were married for over 60 years, my mother and father have been married for almost 40 years, my auntie and Uncle were married for over 35 years (my uncle died recently) so that's just 3 examples within my family to show that it is possible. i also know many people outside my family who have been married for 10-20 years and they are all still happy, because everyone has made the effort to keep their relationships alive.

Answer 3

LOL. sounds like she's got your buttons figured out pretty good. Not the kinda girl I'd wanna be married to.
Some women(and on very, very rare occaision, some men ;) ) need a challenge and honesty often provides the necessary information to make that challenge obtainable. I would tell her,"I'm sorry if the last three years were a waste for you but they weren't for me. Fact of the matter is, you knew the score...." . That should throw her into a mood that will confirm your lack of desire to marry her. At that point just sit back and let her prove you right. I would suggest addressing that issue of commitment though, married life can be wonderful, if you know how to select the right mate. But deception and manipulation isn't a good way to start out.

Answer 4

Bottom line' You do not love this woman!!. If you did you would put your petty fear aside. The reason i say that is your marriage is what you make it. It can be he11 or it can be heaven. You can't always go by what you see. If you get right down to it i bet there was a break in communication with the other people in there marriages. You do not have to make that mistake. I am not trying to get you to marry this woman. But' You are wrong by going by other peoples relationships. You have to make up your mind that you are willing to work at your marriage and not let any thing get in your way. If you keep your same way of thinking you will wind up alone. If you do not love this woman let her go before you break her heart.

Answer 5

Women want to be married and some men also. Even though you said out loud that you never wanted to get married she still thought that with enough time and pressure you would give in.
If indeed you never want to get married and don't want the problems w/gf's giving you grief for it then play the field and let them go on and find that someone special.
There are many marriages that are wonderful and full of love and commitment. If you ever fall so in love w/someone you will know it and will totally want to be committed. This gf must not be the one or you would have that feeling now. Cut her loose so she can find her perfect match.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I think there is no way to resolve that issue. Not everybody will understand your point because everybody has a different beliefs and perception on what is happening to us. We cannot force them to undestand everything about our individuality. In the same manner, you cannot understand why your girlfriend act like that despite the fact that you were honest with her. I think, she just loves you so much, that is why she wants to be with you always and that she thinks marriage is the answer. If you don't want to get married then, just tell her to find someone else. Tell her that your love for her is not enough to make you commit for marriage.

Answer 7

I think that you not wanting to get married because of everyone else having bad marriages is a bad thing. You need to realize people are different and no marriage or relationship is the same. Communication is the key and getting married should be based on your relationship with her not how other peoples relationships are. Don't rush into marriage take your time and figure out if could see yourself with her forever and if she is not willing to wait and let you figure it out then I think that might be your answerer. Love should patient not demanding.

Answer 8

You two need counseling she needs to realize that you are not getting married and wont marry her. I certainly hope you dont knock her up either. I dated a girl who would have made a great wife only she did not want any children. After two years I decided it was time to move on and found a woman who has given me three beautiful kids. A counselor will get to her and make her understand that you wont be marrying her . Good Luck

Answer 9

I'd end the relationship.

She wants marriage, you don't.

She saw you as a challenge....probably thought if you guys stayed together long enough, you'd change your mind or you'd just bow down and give her what she wanted.

Although you two might care and love each other very much, if you're not wanting to get married, don't do it. If you marry her just to stay together, it'd be a sure recipe for misery. You'd begin to resent her for "nagging" you into marriage.

Answer 10

It appears you have been honest, forthright and forthcoming from the beginning of the relationship. Obviously, she chose to believe that you would change your mind and position. This is her problem as her expectations were not realistic. Do not be pressured into a situation which is doomed from the beginning. There are many marriage minus individuals in this world and you have nothing from what to apologize.

Answer 11

Okay, I assume there is no sex whatsoever involved since you said you weren't going to marry her and it's not that type of relationship. I understand your point of view but at the same time, you did date her for three years. That's a long time. Don't you have any feelings for her?