My wife and I split up about 4 weeks ago. We have both come to the conclusion that we still very much love each other, miss each other, and want to be together. But, she wants to wait 6 months. I'm stumped.
She tells me I am the one. She says she wants us to be together more than anything. I feel the same way and tell her lets work it out. But we can't seem to agree on the right method.
She believes that pushing it off for 6 months or so, finishing the divorce, and moving on with our lives (accomplishing our life goals, etc), then come back and see "how we feel" then is the best answer. She says that feels "right".
I, on the other hand, believe the opposite. I think that pushing it off for 6 months, ending the marraige, and "getting on with life" would be the death sentence for the relationship. I believe that if we both truly love each other and truly want to be together, that we should work on it as a couple. Marriage counceling, discussions, compromises, etc. Am I wrong?
2006-11-05 20:49:02 · 10 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been married 8 years and have 2 children. Ages 4 and 5.
2006-11-05 21:01:02 · update #1
I truly don't understand her reasoning at all. If she really wanted to work towards fixing the marriage...getting a divorce does NOT make sense, unless this is what she truly wanted in the first place and is just giving u lip service about wanting to work it out.
I agree that if u get a divorce, it may only drive a further wedge between u two. On the other hand if this is what she truly wants then it's best to give it to her as there's nothing much u can do. Witholding the divorce is only going to cause her to resent u more.
2006-11-05 21:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are wrong, but do you have a choice? Sounds like she is making excuses for being single for a while. If I were you, I would move on without the prospect of rejoining later on. And let her know this as well. I mean, you guys have only been married for 4 weeks. If there are no children involved, then why can't you accomplish life goals together? I am sorry you are having to go through this. Hope the next one treats you better.
2006-11-05 20:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The big clue here is that SHE wants to finish the divorce. She has moved on and she's just stringing you along - why, I don't know, but that's what she's doing. I think you need to move on with your life, maybe get some counseling to help you get over this woman, and find someone who doesn't want to wait and see how things go AFTER the divorce. I'm sorry for you, but the fact is, as far as your wife is concerned, the relationship is dead. She wouldn't be pushing to finish the divorce otherwise.
2006-11-06 05:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tammy B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's the right choice after all....honestly I'm facing the same prob....my husband has just ended his string of affairs, and this last affair reall got nasty, I have deliberated for very long, and finally, I too posed out this question to him...I told him to allow himself a year's time to really see through everything, and if he still thinks I am the one for him after that, maybe we can really be happy together...no point going thru the hurt time and time again...it will be a very hard time for me, but maybe things will turn better after that....Respect your wife's decision, and use the time apart to prove that she's the only one for u...but as u did not mention the reason behind your split up, it's difficult to give you the appropriate advice...
2006-11-05 21:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by Fallen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is either playing you or she needs some better advice. Ending the marriage is completely the wrong way to go. If you were dating this might seem reasonable, but if she loves you like she says she does, then working it out no matter what it takes is the obvious answer.
Best of luck
2006-11-05 21:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by eliteflycaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call me old fashioned but I think her position is just plain crap. She wants to go thru with the divorce and then get back together? All the niceties she's told you is some guilt ridden crap. I don't want to sound bitter but I've been thru some guilt ridden breakups in my life and that what it sounds like to me. You aren't wrong about anything. I don't mean to disrespect the other posters but that "if you love them set them free" crap is just that, crap. I guess I do sound a bit bitter don't I?
2006-11-05 21:15:31 · answer #6 · answered by my2cents 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you get a divorce, its over, thats what i think. i dont understand y she wants to end the marriage? wouldnt it just complicate things. i think separating for 6 month is reasonable as you have time to do your own things but divorcing is the wrong way to go. i hope it all turns all for you. goodluck
2006-11-05 20:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!
2014-09-25 22:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u ever heard that if u love some1 let them go .....and if they come back to u they are yours .....but if they don't then it wasn't meant to be. so let her do what she thinks is best and if she truly loves u she will be back. but i hate to be the barrier of bad news but it sounds like she wants to see what other "fish are in the sea " but im not an expert.
2006-11-05 20:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u love her ryt?so giv her tym, she l b bac, probably she too feels the same.. u r not wrong.
think about ur kids n try n talk 2 her,
all the best. god bless.
2006-11-05 21:33:51 · answer #10 · answered by sunflower 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋