clingy boyfriend?

Question

hi, ive been with my boyfriend a few months, and he has become very clingy in several areas, he follows me, wants to do everything, buy and pay for everything, compliments me 24-7, i cant do or say a thing wrong, he suffocates me with affection, wants to see me all the time, said he loved me a month in etc etc and it has become too much, i an independant and have my own life, and also children, i have spoken to him and said that it feels very intense was going to fast and i felt overwhelmed, he said hed back off and slow things down, but he doesnt seem to get exactly what i mean, how do i get it through to him that i dont want a shadow, or to be continuously touched 24-7, etc etc without using the words clingy, needy etc as i think they are a bit harsh, i dont want to charector assasinate him either by reading him a list. i do like this guy, and take these things away we get on great and can really see a future, but cant handle the clingyness at the minute.

just wanted to add a few bits .... this guy is and can be very much a mans man one of the lads when im not about, and when i first met him, just does a total 180 when hes with me. this isnt about wanting a bad boy thing as someone put. have tried speaking to him, and he does back off, but i dont think he quite gets exactly what areas and how, so i need to get the details accross to him, but they sound harsh and i really dont want to hurt him, i just need a gentler way of putting it that he's gonna get my point

i know his reasons for being insecure, had one very long term relationship that was heading in the path of marraige, but the girl cheated with a friend, took him for everything he had basically, and the other girlfriend i know about went back to her ex. after that i know about other who have just become distant and stopped making contact until he stopped and never heard from them again, which im guessing is down to the clingyness.

Answer 1

you already answered your question. Tell him exactly what you just worte. I was REALLY clingy with my gf of two years and I am still working on the clingy thing with her but that is your best bet. I know that when she tells me to stop I try my hardest to but if you cant tell him to stop who can you tell to stop? If he truly loves you then nothing you say will be so harsh that he wont get over it.

Answer 2

Clingy Boyfriend

Answer 3

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Answer 4

I know exactly what you mean I myself have been in a similar situation. I was seeing a guy and he used to go overboard with the compliments and the kissing, as much as I found it nice at first it just got to the stage that I used to cringe every time he said something, or even kissed me. Compliments and kisses are nice, but they can get over the top. In the end I ended it, it felt such a relief afterwards, but didn't really feel that guilty! My advice is, as much as you probably like the guy, is to finish it. If you have already spoken to him about how you are feeling and he hasn't changed then it seems that he has an insecurity about himself. He may get upset at being dumped or maybe get angry. But you have to keep telling yourself that you'd rather be someone who gives you what you have at the moment, someone who will always be there for you, give you you the loving that you deserve but not overcrowd you with his affections/words. All the best

Answer 5

Assure him that unless he really screws up you are his girl. When he starts being clingy, tell him "this is where I need you to give me a little space. Don't read into it. Take it at face value." He needs to remember that you had your own life before you met him and he did before you. It's going to take a bit to get used to each other's behaviors, quirks, tendencies, schedules etc. It may help to talk to him about his ex, I'm not sure how much you've already done so but if he knows that you understand his feelings, especially appreciating what he has been through, he may realize that you are there to stay and aren't someone who is going to treat him badly by not caring. You obviously care a lot! Good luck with everything!

Answer 6

He's totally showing signs of insecurity. So why don't you just sit down and ask him why he is feeling so insecure? If he says he's not, tell him his actions prove that he is. Maybe that way he will understand more about his own actions. Maybe you will also understand why he is also being the way he is....Maybe he's been dumped real hard before or something. Well, your NOT that girl, and he needs to trust you, and what you BOTH say to each other. Relationships need a lot of communication to work out, almost like a dang JOB! Good luck...

Answer 7

There is nothing worse than a clingy guy. You should try to talk to him about it, or you may offend him if you tell him to back off or anything like that. Just say you want to take things slowly and dont see him every day, have a bit of space during the week.

Answer 8

I had the same thing in a relationship once. It got to the point where he wouldn't let me go to my best friend's house if her boyfriend was there. No idea why - I never gave him any reason to be jealous. His insecurity and jealousy broke us up.

So I would say, talk to him, make him understand how you feel, but be prepared to take action if it doesn't work. Knock it on the head - you don't need to be suffocated.

Answer 9

The guy is obviously very insecure.I see you both really like one another so i think maybe you should see a relate counsellor together.This way you could both talk to someone else about his clingyness and find out why he behaves like this.

Answer 10

My daughter went through the same thing with her husband before they married. He just didn't get it that he wasn't born to follow her everywhere and have a life of his own, too. It just took alot of spelling it out to him for him to finally get it. He still tends to be that way with her but he knows when she starts to get annoyed about it, that it's time to take the kids out for the day. lol Good luck. That's a tough one.