Dull marriage?

Question

After 10 years of marriage, I can say without a doubt, our marriage is dull, lifeless, boring......and meaningless.

We barely say a few words to each other nowadays and it's mostly about kids. When we were dating, there was a certain thrill about meeting, but now it's just a routine daily thing.

In my life, I've had two relationships, the first was my first girlfriend, the second my wife. I'm looking for excitement in my life again and have been innocently flirting with someone as work...I'm wondering if I should take it to the next level.

Before anyone steps in and says do something wild and adventerous with your wife, I've been down that path, and am not interested anymore.

The main reason to stay in the relationship is for the kids.

Answer 1

When you say you've been down that path and you are no longer interested is it because your wife still bored you or that she did not try and please you ?? Perhaps she also needs a little help to try and spice things up. Maybe you are not being co operative enough and she figures , why bother l've lost him anyway.. I am just grasping at straws here , there could be a lot of reasons why you both feel the way you do. Please don't do any flirting of any kind , it is not innocent and people get hurt by this. If you are really sure that you can't make a go of things with your wife and you have discussed everything with her, your best bet would be a trial separation l think anyway. That way it may give you time to clear your head and be 100% sure of your feelings.Don't stay together just for the sake of the kids, it just means they are living with miserable parents instead of a loving home life. You never know, perhaps a separation may bring you closer (if that is what you both want ofcourse). I really feel for you l am sure you feel you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Hope all works out well for you. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You cannot stay together for the kids sake, kids pick up on unhappy vibes and they will already know that you are not happy being where you are. You owe it to your wife to try and resolve the issues before having a relationship with anyone else. It would hurt to split with your wife, but think how much more hurt and devastation you would cause by having an affair? Try the counselling route with your wife, my bet is that you have both stopped making an effort, when was the last time you took your wife on a date? If you don't try to work things out you will never know how good they could be, and if they don't work out you can say that you tried everything to make it work. Your kids will feel so hurt if you have an affair, and you risk losing their respect, because they love their mother, even if you say you no longer love her as your wife.

Answer 3

Before you do anything...think about the pros and the cons of each choice. I know marriage is tough and at times boring, but it has it's good points too. An affair is something you can't take back...just like we can't take back hurtful words or give back wasted time. I think that if you can't work things out with your wife then you'll only hurt your kids worse in the long run by staying. The children are the ones who pay the price and they know far more then we give them credit for.

I really hope that you'll really think things through and have a heart to heart talk with your wife. I know from personal experience that affairs can be devastating on your whole family. It is far less hurtful for someone just to leave then for someone to leave you for another.
Good luck in whatever you choose!!!

Answer 4

First you have to decide - do you still love your wife?
Children can not be reason to stay married if there are no more feelings left for each other. Children should not be raised in family where parents do not love each other because that fact will have a bad influence on them and it will be hard for them to have a happy family of their own in the future. It is better to give your love and caring living separate than let them watch how your indiference towards your wife grows into anger.
Anything you do, don't cheat! If you think that you want something (someone) else in your life, divorce and then do anything you want to. If you think that you are just having hard period and are depressed (bored) with your family life and just need a change than (maybe it's bad to give that advice but..) go flirt with somebody, have even a little affair if you want to, but keep in mind that your wife doesn't have to know about that and don't get in serious relations, find somebody who thinks same way as you do. Actually I think that after having a little fun on "side" you will be able to deal with your family problems and get all broken pieces of your relationship together. I think that you just need to go crazy for a while, everybody has that moment in their lifes and if after that you came to idea that you still living life of somebody else, then get divorce. But anything you do please be careful not to hurt your wife's and children's feelings.

Answer 5

If your only reason for staying in the relationship is the kids, your marriage will never work. You are right, marriage or relationship that has been together for a long time will sometimes e boring or lack of excitement.. but its always up to the persons involved to keep it alive, fun and exciting.. both of you has shortcomings and if you're feeling like this, you better talk to your wife and be open about it.. tell her what you really feel..

Answer 6

Routine does get boring. Everyone knows that. Does your wife still have the quality that made you fall in love with her? If she does, there is hope. You can woo her again. You know how. You did it before. Don't put your children's needs above your wife's. Your children will leave you but you committed yourself to your wife forever. Ask your wife if she wants a better marriage. If she agrees, then ask her to spend at least 10 minutes alone with you each day. Explain to your children you want to spend time alone together because you love each other. Make it clear to your children that you love them. Insist that they are not to interrupt you unless it is an emergency. Explain to the children they have to behave while you are in a separate room. Children can amuse themselves and they adjust to positive things very easy. If you can find someone to care for your children, go to dinner (at McDonald's if you cannot afford a fancy restaurant), go camping overnight, go to a movie or any activity you both enjoy. You may have to cut corners to do this but it will benefit your children immensely. Also both your wife and you should spend one day with each child when you will do something together. Mark on a calender the day each child will get to spend time alone with either parent. Your wife can look after the rest of the children when it is your day to take your son or daughter out and vice versa. They will be happy their parents love each other and you will be great role models. Children who are raised by parents who love each other are less demanding. You will give them the greatest gift - loving their mother who is so important to them. You owe everyone you love your undivided attention. Good luck.

Answer 7

Why not try scheduling an out-of-town planned sex. Let say plan an idea to have a date with your wife, let's say schedule it on the day after you'l received a salaries/wage/payday. Let two of you be enjoy as what had had you done before you got married, like dating as like before. Two days maybe enough, just only for fun on weekend to refresh your minds. While taking rest every after love making on that dating, you may convey and talk with her how you loved your very own family. Open the conversation in a sweet manner that both of you should control their emotions and temper. Start your topic about your new jobs, tasks, then about your co-workers, friends,relatives, money matters, future plans and most your very own family. Leave your kids to an older relatives like mother or in-laws or older sisters someone like that. In this case, you can refresh and talk in sweet and harmonious way with your own wife and talk how to keep more bonding your relationship for more stronger and longer relationship. Talk and plan how to achieve some back log jobs for your works, family and etc. Talk open everything that comes in your mind that enhances or add spices up your marriage life.
When times come like this situation for spouse then and begins boring until it fades away and it is sign of dangering your family. Only more patient and deep understanding will help save your family. Avoid being egoistic and being possessive. Try experementing that helps strengthen your both sexual urges.

Thinking of committing an affair or cheating from your wife will only lead you evil's works that will destroy your very own family. Love your kids they will be the victims of your hungrier and selfish ideas once not controlled away from these temptations.

Answer 8

I understand and feel for you. I just recently considered leaving my relationship although I admit it was only a half-hearted attempt. Your situation sucks but it really isn't fair for any of you. I know a lot of divorced men that are great Dads but terrible husbands. I do belief that we teach our kids by example but that is not justification to be miserable. If it is truly that bad, consider all options, take your time, an make a decision. Also, don't act on that work fling. It will only complicate your life and cloud your judgement. Keep the issues seperate!

Answer 9

Dude, doesn't sound good, I feel for ya Bruv.

It all depends on one thing and that's what IF YOU GET FOUND OUT - are you willing to have a bit more pleasure in your life at the expense of living with your kids?

If it's that bad maybe you should just leave. Or just say its gotten so bad and the only way for it to get better will be if you get a mistress (lead balloon springs to mind).

Anyways... all depends how much you need this.

Answer 10

It may sound bad, but sometimes we just 'fall out of love'...maybe thats wot has happened to u...although it will effect ur kids, i think u shud move out of d marriage. U r not only hurting urself, but also ur wife and children otherwise. Before u do move on though, make sure u have given d marriage ur best shot.....if u have tried to spice up ur lives, and everything like tht, and still nothing moves, then it seem u r no longer in love wit ur wife..dont stay on coz of ur kids..they will grow up and move on..and u and ur wife will b left resenting each other....