Ex Wives? Why are they so mean?

Question

Why do ex wives like to cause so much trouble when it comes to letting the men see their children?

I am an ex wife myself, and I have no problems letting my daughters see their father, I encourage it whole heartdly..........just because it didnt work out with him and I doesnt mean the children should suffer.

I am in a new relationship , well (12 months)........but my new mans ex wife is shocking..........she just wont let him see the kids, she flatly refuses, and you can tell by what they say that she says horrible things about him. We are currently in the middle of getting court orders just so he can have any kind of visitation.

And even though we have been dating for 12 months, she doesnt know about me as yet, as I havnt even met the kids, he has only had very limited time with them this year, a total of 9 days.......I wonder what will happen once she actually finds out hes dating.....lol...(my bad).

Tarus.........I never said I was the perfect ex wife.....my ex and I had a rough divorce just like anyone does, I simply stated that, just because of this, I do not take it out on my kids, they shouldnt suffer because it didnt work out between me and their dad.

As for my new guy, I also stated that he has only seen his kids a total of 9 days since last xmas.....there has been no oppertunites for us to have met his kids as yet, and he is going thro court now to get orders for visitation, obviously our relationship is becoming more serious, and i will meet them soon.....but if his ex wife doesnt let them visit i cant meet them can i?....Im not going to stand out the front and yell...hey Im the new gf get used to it .......LOL.
Anyway my bf will have his court orders thru soon ,and she will have no choice but to let them visit.

Answer 1

Sometimes it's because she didn't want the divorce? Or blames him alone for the divorce. And a lot of woman get mean because the are left with the children and see it this way, "I'm left with all the responsibility, while he's free to start a new life free of the everyday responsibilities and uses the children to punish him. I'm with you, the only person that this hurts in the long run in the child, (I know that your boyfriend is hurting too) and this is such a shame. I don't know why we can't put our children first, but some people are just too bitter and that rubs off on the child. So sad.

Answer 2

I am with you. I am a ex-wife also. I don't have and never had a problem with the kids seeing the fathers. I really can't stand the one at all any more. My husbands ex did the things we went though omg. I guess they don't understand that the people they are hurting the most are the children. I think the courts should be able to do something about the parents saying bad things about the other parent. Get this when me and my ex split he actually told our daughter (6 at the time) he wanted to kill me. omg. I just explained to her that daddy was very upset and didn't mean what he said.

Answer 3

Well even though you've dated 12 months doesn't mean he wants you to meet his girls. I mean don't you find it a bit strange that he hasn't even mention you to them at all? I do. When I got divorce the only guys my girls met where the ones I considered dating , if they didn't like them I sent the guy down the road. I wanted my girls to see their dad and encouraged them to but he was the one that didn't make the effort. So that can go both ways. I don't think you should hold your breath on ever meeting his girls. He already knows what his ex will do and his not going to take the chance of not seeing his kids because of dating you. If she's that bad anyway what difference would it make. If she won't let him see them now you should know she won't let him see then then either. I really think your convinced that you just rock his world and you think your just the perfect example of an ex wife. Well think again there's lots of us out here and it don't mean a thing when it comes to kids being in the middle.

Answer 4

We're not mean. We're protecting our kids. My husband and I divorced when he admitted that he was having sex with a 13 year old girl. I reported this to the police and DHS, but they said I had no proof, and he was never charged with any crime. However, I did have enough proof in the custody hearings for the judge to order supervised visitations with our daughter.

My husband tells all of his friends how "mean" his ex-wife is for never letting him see his daughter. The truth is he isn't interested in seeing her if the visit has to be supervised. I have always been more than willing to set up the visits, often cancelling plans for last minute visitation requests. I am always pleasant on the phone with him and I never talk bad about him in front of my daughter.

I'm sure that all of his girlfriends in the past 7 years have wondered "why I'm so mean." They were only hearing one side of the story.

Answer 5

It depends, but i think when a situation has deteriorated this much normally there are two people responsible and the real history is never as pretty or as simple as gets portrayed to new partners.

HOwever what is more important is that both of them work hard to resolve it without trying to scor points off eachother. Maybe that means your partner has to act like a bigger person. ITs always the children who suffer when the parents are at war.

One solution that can work is that the kid can have more contact through the grand parents or mutual friends which can often overcome initial acrimoniousness.

Answer 6

As an ex wife the only time I get mean is when my child isn't being treated right! All I want is for my child to be taken care of and for them to be good to her! Unfortunately this isn't always the way it goes and then I turn into super *****! I don't care what happened or happens between me and him but no one messes with my kid! It's not right to keep them away from their father unless they are in danger or not taken care of! I have had to keep mine home a couple times because that is what was best for her. I have never used her as a way to get back at my ex. i know people who have and it back fires in the end. I hope if he is a worthy father that he gets to see his kids soon and often!

Answer 7

That is a good question. It could be that she is still using his kids as a pawn to control your BF. He needs to let her know that this is not healthy for his children and if she continues to use them to get back at him, he will take her to court. Is he doing anything to force her to let him be with his kids? She can be going against a court order.
Sorry that I am not answering your question in the manner that you asked it. I just think that using children in such a manner is uncalled for and shouldn't be something tolerated. It is childish and mean for sure. Especially where the kids are concerned.

Answer 8

Thankfully my man's ex-wife gladly lets us have the kids whenever we want them. She even comes and talks to me. I don't hate her, but I'm not her biggest fan either for the things she put him through in the divorce, but they've moved on and it's not my place to stop them from having a friendship. His kids are awesome about it. The oldest, Kale(he's 6), thinks it's cool to have two houses and two families. His other child, Wren, is too young to understand (she's 3) but she thinks that if her big brother is ok with it that it must be good.

Most ex-wives think that if they manipulate their ex's with the kids they can get back at him. My biological mother did the same thing your man's ex is doing to my dad. Thankfully she went to prison and he got custody, after that she was easily proven to be an unfit mother.

Answer 9

Ex wives, many times, feel "cheated" out of life, or happiness, and find it absolutely justified to do the same for their ex husbands, no matter who's fault it really was. You are the exception to the rule, it seems - good for you for being an adult and recognizing the value of having both loving parents in a child's life.

Now, of course - if one or the other is abusive to the child or the spouse...then they should be drawn and quartered.

Answer 10

Because some of them are vindictive and hold on to grudges. They have difficulty letting the emotions go and even though they appear to be carrying on, deep inside they don't want their ex spouses to be happy and to move on with their lives.

I commend you for being mature enough not to use the children as pawns. It's very sad indeed.