What does it mean when a 21 year old guy have never had a formal girlfriend or doesn't seem interested in them

Question

A family memer of mine who is 21 has never had a formal girlfriend or never talks about girls. He has 3 other brothers around the same age and they all love girls if you know what I mean. What is up with this guy is he shy or gay? Oh yeah and it seems like he always has guy friends calling him. If he is gay I would totally understand, but how do I bring him out of the closet?

Answer 1

It's not up to you to bring anyone out of the closet. If he does not feel comfortable being out of the closet, you should let it be. All you can do is let him know that it's okay for him to confide in you, but respect his wishes.

Someone with 3 brothers might not feel comfortable with his gayness, especially if his 3 brothers are womanizing types, like you seem to indicate.

Answer 2

I think you're jumping to conclusions when you suggest he's gay because YOU do not see him interested in girls. I think him having guy friends would suggest that he's not gay. Now, if he had overweight women calling him constantly that would signal to me that there's a good possibility he could be gay... Some guys just don't have good luck with relationships w/ the opposite sex. That doesn't mean they're gay. It may mean he's shy. It also may mean that his head is not focused on going out to get the girl. What does he like to do? There are many hobbies people try to develop that would be interrupted if they focused on getting a girl. If thats so, maybe he's smarter than his brothers to build on his strengths rather than focusing on building up this so called "weakness" of being in a relationship. Another possibility is that he may have a job that disrupts an ideal schedule for him to be on the prowl. Who knows? Who cares?... Things will always work out. We live in an intelligent system. The universe is perfect.

Answer 3

While it sounds like you have good intentions and concerns for this family memeber I think you should step aside and just let things play out naturally.

This family member seems to have strong morals and ethincs and who are you to judge him for that. Being 21 and never have dated means nothing at all. For all you know he could be pimpin' it like Shaft and just knows how to keep his business locked down tight. You shouldn't compare him to his brothers simply because he doesn't boast about his private life. So he has male friends calling him. Guys do that. We have male friends and we hang out. Big deal. That's like saying you might be a lesbain because you have your girlfriends calling you all the time.

If it really bothers you that much then just ask him instead of beating around the bush. If you start playing dectective you might lose more then you gain and family is something you should always honor and respect. So respect his privacy and let it be. If he turns out to be gay would it really matter? He is family and regardless of his preference in sex family should always love one another.

Consider the consequences before acting blindly. I hope this helps and best of luck.

Answer 4

That definitley does NOT make you a pathetic loser. I would have even more respect for you that you're not one of those tools who dates all these girls and goes through them like nothing, just because they can. I was 18 when I first started dating and am now 19 and literally JUST got out of my 2nd relationship, and I can tell you, it does nothing but complicate your life!! lol Obviously, everyone wants to be close and intimate with someone who you can share everything with and just have that one person that you can trust and love. But it's really not that easy and everything gets so complicated, well in my situation anyway (I was going out with one guy for 6 months and it kind of fizzled a little towards the end so i broke it off when another guy said he liked me and asked me out. So i went out with him for literally less than a month and now he turned out to be an a**hole, and made me realize how much I miss and appreciate my ex, so now I'm just really screwed up...if that gives you an idea...haha) So anywayssss, there is NOT something wrong with you at all! The first bf that I mentioned was also 21 and hadn't really had much experience at all with relationships and was also a virgin. I now find him (and that about him) MUCH more attractive than the "man whore" I recently went out with. Eventhough it feels like you are totally alone and you may feel like a loser, there are PLENTY of other people who don't think you are. Maybe one of your problems is that you need to go to good places to meet girls. Do you go to college? If so, try to join clubs that you are interested in because you might find a girl there and you both already have one common interest to bond over. Or if you don't go to school, you could try volunteering at places you're interested in, join organizations, etc. Or mutual friends are also a good way to find girls! Also, I know it's super hard sometimes, but try to not be so shy too. I have always been painfully shy all through school, which I have always hated about myself. Once I got to college, I finally made a promise to myself that I was going to step out of my comfort zone and try to be more outgoing. It really helps a lot and it can really pay off! Just remember there's nothing wrong with you at all and I hope that girls realize what a "catch" you are :) Good luck! :)

Answer 5

You can't bring him out of the closet. When he's ready he'll do it. Why don't you ask him? I make a point of never divulging my gayness until I'm asked. Why do you need to know? We want people to do more than just "totally understand". We want to be accepted as human beings. I get the impression that you're uptight about the whole "gay" deal.

Answer 6

What you have told us is no indication that this family member is gay. From what you have said, we take it that he comes from a family with a lot of male siblings and that he himself (because of his many male friends) is "homosocial" (he enjoys the company of males). Being homoSOCIAL is not the same as being homoSEXUAL.

Just because he doesn't have a formal girlfriend yet -- or that you do not know about one -- does not mean he is gay. It may mean that he is choosy or prefers to set aside getting too close to anyone until he has established himself in school or at work.

Many family relations have been strained, many friendships ruined, many careers harmed, and many lives turned topsy turvy by people who stick their noses into the private sexual lives of others, no matter their orientation. Stop doing what you are doing. It is unbecoming of you as a member of this young man's family.

Answer 7

not ever one needs a partner
not every one is as open as the next
he may be gay he may be just not interested in any body
he might be waiting for miss or mr right
more then likely he just dosn't share what his take on the world is
you should be able to keep things to your self so alow hi to do so
if he is gay he will tell you when the time is right
just be supportive if he dose come out
makeing som one come out of thee closet my be the woste thing you can do
let him be him self and live his life his way

Answer 8

The best thing you can do is accept him for who he is. Sometimes giving someone a definition like 'gay' can be so restrictive and sometimes damning. Let him find his own way, yes let him know he can always talk, if he needs to. However the worst thing you can do is make any assumptions, believe me I've been there!

Answer 9

My guess would be that you are correct and he is gay. You can't bring him out though -- he has to. What you can do is make sure he knows that you love him just as he is, no matter what. That may help him decide to at least tell you.

Regards,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

Answer 10

maybe he has seen what happens to those who come out of their closets and thus realizes he just doesnt want the drama or pain,or maybe he has seen the pain of relationships,and doesnt want that either perhaps the closest thing he has to a relationship are those like himself calling him.