how can I get my 16yr old son to improve his grades?

Question

I've taken away EVERYTHING: cell phone, house phone, t.v., video games, offered $. He doesn't have a girlfriend. All he has are his books and I am tempted to take them away. He is a PERFECT child in every other area of his life, really. Should I just be glad grades are my biggest problem and accept he's a bad student?? I've made contracts, offered to take him to get his license and give him my '99 Eclipse, free and clear. I told him all I need are consistant "C's" and he can have his life back. Just "C's"!!!!! He has no learning disorders (had him checked). He's extremely smart and probably bored but they wont move you to honors classes if you're not passing the basics!!!! HELP!

I've spent thousands on tutors, private schools and doctors. The car was an example of my desperation, although I have every intention of following thru with my promise.

His dream is to be in the Navy, I even took him to a recruitment office. They won't even accept him right out of HS w/out a diploma. I think my willingness to accept "C's" shows that grades aren't super important. Just want him to pass! Sitting with him is a good idea but what happens when I can't find out about his assignments? Some teachers post on websites, but not the ones who are the most overwhelmed like science or math.

We had him dig ditches for a day to show him a glimpse of his future......

Wow, I'm getting some great encouragement. Thank you all and keep it coming. I wish I had asked a long time ago.....

Answer 1

Well, i am a 17 year old and a few years ago i was the same way.

My parents did not do anything, they gave me everything, i asked for money they gave me, they knew i was interested in math and and physics they let me do it. They knew i was not in English they said ok. They trusted me and let me do what i liked. The also spend time with me and did not NAG ABOUT SCHOOL ALL THE TIME. Leave him alone for a bit, give him his space, and slowly ask him how he is doing at school. Ask him his subject preferences. Explain to him the only way he is going to get into the military is if he passes high school and that you are on his side, ready to help. Let him figure things out his own way, do not tell him what to do. Thats what makes things worse. And never ever bribe, because they he will start making deals with you and not do anything until you offer him stuff. Give him some surprises sometimes, get him navy stuff, send him to play paintball, send him out and about.

Be involved and do not push him too much, because he will stop showing interest in things

I do not know the whole problem, but if i didnt touch on things or offended you i am very sorry, here to help

Answer 2

Possibly he could be having trouble in the regular public school system. Ask him about his teachers, the school and how he feels in class. If maybe he just doesn't fit in there, check around about Off Campus programs. Through out Jr.high and high school I had lousy grades until I went to an off campus program. I had a wonderful teacher who was able to give me one on one help and my math went from F's to B's and for once finally understood Algebra. Most people think those programs are only for teen moms and kids close to dropping out and sure they were there but there were also a lot of kids like myself. A lot of kids just don't jive with the way most schools are run. There's a lot of BS kids need to put up with and maybe in a smaller class setting, your son can show his abilities.

Answer 3

Make him come home after school, eat something and then sit at the table with him and do homework with him. Until he can show the maturity to do it alone, sit with him, side by side. and go thru each assignment with him. Yes it is a horrible amount of work but if his grades are important, you have to show him how important not just lip service.

I can also be a bonding time between you and you can make it fun.

Is there any possibility that grades are too important to you and because he knows this he balks at it?

Answer 4

I personally recieved bad grades through junior high and my first two years of high school. I can remember my mom asking this same question and trying the same things. I, myself, honestly did not know why I was doing poorly. I know it's hard but try not to pressure him so much. For me, all it took was for someone, outside of my family to care. I was scared of approaching my teachers because I was ashamed. I was constantly worried about getting bad grades and so if I hadn't finished an assignment I wouldn't turn it in. My mom sent my to Sylvan where I actually spoke one on one with teachers daily...because I had to. This built up my confidence, my actual teachers became more involved and I realized that if I just tried, that would/could be enough. This may not be his problem or it may be.

I can be a bit of a perfectionist and when I turn in hw I'm rarely happy with it, but my grades stay up (I'm in college now) I also know to speak to my teachers when I'm confused. Sylvan can be expensive but they know what they're doing. I hope this helps:)

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to just let them not do what is the "general rule". As long as he is no trouble see if you can talk to a teacher without him knowing and maybe one of them can take him under their wing. We pulled our hair out with our son. Thought good grades were important. He barely squeezed by and now he proudly serves the U.S. Marines. All the fights about school didn't amount to anything. Someone else I know of, their son jumped in front of a train because of grades. Good Luck - choose your battles.

Answer 6

What does, or did, he do in him spare time? Video games? If he is not physically active then get him involved with something. I suggest finding a good martial arts school. One that really pushes respect and discipline. Even good kids can be mentally lazy. People need to develope both mind and body together.

Answer 7

My parents moved me to a private school with class sizes no bigger than 8. We had to do weekly tests for each subject. I started to get good grades without seeming to put in any effort but it cost my parents alot of money. Give him a dose of reality. Make him work and pay you. Make him realise that without education he will struggle to earn a decent living. But makesure he know you love him and everything you do is for his own good.

Hope this helps

Answer 8

Sounds like you have the resources to afford a tutor. Most schools have a group of people from which they can recommend tutor. Sometimes it is an upper class man.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

well i just graduated from high school last spring. i don't know much of what a parent should do but as for your son i know how that feels. sometimes your try your best but its not good enough. i was tested twice before they found out i had a L.D. because my IQ was so high. try to talk to your son and see why he thinks hes having problems. try not to yell at him for doing bad take it calm i know its easy to say that but im talking from your sons point of view. the more my mom yelled at me the more i thought whats the point.