What do I do with my son who is 20 years old and has an attitude?

Question

He stays out all night, wakes me up early in the morning before I'm ready to wake up. He has no job. He dropped out of high school, then worked graveyard shift, then quit that. He upsets me late before I'm ready for bed. Then I sit up stewing. His mom, my ex- and his grandma mentioned that it wouldn't be right to kick him out. I'm paying for everything and I am not allowed to get my sleep? What in the world do I do?

Answer 1

It is indeed time for tough love. He is 20 years old, right? Then, it is time to either A) Get a job and an apartment, which he learns to pay rent for monthly, B) Start to charge him rent for living at home, thereby exposing him to the outside work-a-day world, C) Tell him to get his GED and work soon afterwards (and that THIS is the only way he can continue to stay home rent-free), or, in lieu of a job, college, and option D) Join the Military. You need to put your foot down on this before he drives you completely nuts.

Answer 2

Sweetie,set some rules.Reguardless,as to how old he is he is living under your roof.How i see it,its your house,your son,and your rules.Dont give into those rules neither,reguardless as to what his mother or his grandma has to say.The only person who has a say as to how he is disciplined in your home,is YOU.You set the ground rules and he must follow them.If he doesnt like your rules then you need to show him the door.I am sorry to say this,and clash with his mother,etc. However you cannot have him running in out of your home at all hours of the night.insist he pay some of the bills around the house,help around the house,make sure he contributes to the food that is brought in,and even then dont let him get by without following the rules.If he rented a home and had a roommate,there would be somethings he wouldnt want his roommate to do.Same situation here,except he happens to be living with a parent and its your home.Him being 20 years old should not allow him to run wild.There are still rules to follow.At 20 he needs to learn to be responsible and what it is like in the real world.He needs to follow your rules and help out.If he refuses show him the door.I know it would be hard to do that to your own son,however you cant allow him to get by with this as he wont ever stop if you do.Have a good day hun,and good luck.

Answer 3

Being around your son's age (although a little younger) I sort of understand his situation. Unfortunately, I disagree with his refusal to help out with the rent, get a job, or go to school. Being his father, you need to give him an ultimatum. Either he gets a full time job and starts pitching in, or he gets a part time job and goes to school. If he won't agree to do either, kick him out. I would never try to mooch off my parents like this, because I know they'd kick me out quicker than I could blink, And the fact that I'm in college doesn't change that. Your son needs to know that you're the boss. Saying it wouldn't be right to kick him out is like saying it isn't right to knock the a mosquito off your arm when it's sucking your blood.

Answer 4

I have a simmilar situation. My brother-in-law who is 17 was in a proctor home because of some stupid stuff he was doing. He couldn't live with his mother because of the proximity of the crime to his home threatened the community. The proctor house wasn't working for him so we took him in. That didn't work so we sent him with his father. He was being abused in that situation and he realized how easy he had it with us. He begged to come back with us. I finally let him back in but only under the pretense that he would have to act like an adult. We put together a contract much like a landlord renting out a room or apartment, it included; rent, curfews (even for a 20 year old), food responsibilities, utilities, keeping his room clean, chores, penalty fee's, and so forth. He had to pay rent, go to school, and work. It was working great for a while. He started getting lazy so we told him to pack up and get out. He has done fine so far. Your son is 20 years old, regardless of what your ex or his grandma have to say, if you don't get him taking responsibility of himself he will fail in the world. Tough Love.

Answer 5

I disagree with your ex and your mom....if he can't toe the line then he needs to move on....
You may want to give him a time line before the boot!!
Maybe like 30 days to be actively and consistently working otherwise he has to find somebody else to mooch off of!!

It sounds very similar to a situation between my mother and I (I'm her only daughter)
She very seriously looked at me and said " The day you turned 18 was the day my obligation to you died....anything I do for you now is a favor"
Besides don't you want to know that he can take care of himself on his own???
Since he's not working ...he should at least be considerate enough to be quiet so that you the (the provider) can sleep!! He's too old to be that rude!!!
Last but not least...if his mom and grandma think it would not be right for you to kick him out then maybe one of them should volunteer to take him in!!! Maybe they will sing another tune once they experience the laziness and rudeness!!!\


Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Sit him down and remind him he's an adult. Then tell him he has 4 months to get a job and an apartment cause you are kicking him out. Its not right for a grown healthy child to mooch off a parent just cause he's lazy. So tough love him and he might just grow up a bit and thank you later! And talk to the ex and gran. They need to support you, not give the son an alternate place to live and mooch off someone else.

Answer 7

My family has the same problem but brother is a lot older then your son. Has no job he isn’t disrespectfully like your son is. My parents refuse to kick him out; I tell them they are only hurting him in the long run since they aren’t always going to be there. I myself try and help him find employment but he is unmotivated, if I were in charge he would be out of the house.

You need to tell him to get a job or he needs to get out. You also need reminded him he may be grown but while he lives under your roof he needs to follow your rules and show you some respect.

Answer 8

Seriously, kick his butt out. I know you love him and all, but you've done your job raising him. You're not helping him anymore by spoon feeding him everything. It's time for him to get out on his own. One of two things will happen - he will either survive on his own but realize that it's hard to be responsible and pay his own bills, but he'll be fine. Or, he'll fall flat on his face and come back to ask you to take him back. If that happens, he'll realize how lucky he is and will hopefully be more appreciative and respectful. If not, kick him out again, for good. How is it not right to kick him out now??? What better motivation for him to change his tune and go get a job. Give him a fair warning, like you're out in 2 weeks, or one month, whatever, so he knows it's coming. You are in-titled to your home and sleep, too. If his mom thinks it's too cruel, let your son go live with her!
Good luck to you with everything!

Answer 9

Don't kick him out!!? Yeah just teach him to be a lazy bum! He's 20, not 2!!!! Give him 2 weeks to get a job and start paying you room and board....or take a hike and sleep on the street...and then STICK TO IT! See how long your ex or his G ma puts up with his sorry butt!

Answer 10

I don't have children, but I do have common sense--so I'm going to respond. For the benefit of your child and yourself, you NEED to take serious action. Give him 30 days to get a full-time job and secure his own residence; after that time, EVICT him. It's really your decision, since his mother and grandmother are not part of your household. He will never become an adult this way. Now - if you want to be sort of lenient, give him the same timeframe but allow him to stay with you and charge him for rent, utilities, and groceries, and give him house rules to follow. But remember, if the living situation isn't working for you, he needs to go. You've already raised him; it's time for him to grow up now. Please take a stand on this in the interest of your son.