relatioship advice?? help women!!?

Question

well, a few months ago i had a suspicion that my husband was cheating on me, and well he was, i am 4 months pregnant with his child, and i have a 1 1/2 yr old little girl, i thought we were the happiest couple ever..(really) he was the one that kept buggin about having a second child..well we've been seperated for about 2 months, i begged him to come home all last month, and he was very cruel, saying he hated me and how much better his new gf was, well i have finally got over the tears, and have started moving on, but the thing is he wants to come home, (let me tell you how they met) he was working out of town, and met her at a bar, im 20 he is 22 and shes 32. i dont know what to do , i love him, and he is the father of my children, but he hurt me so much..i dont know what to do?? help

oh and get this, when we first met he had nothing nothing people it was like starting from scratch..with him, i worked he didnt he had no clothes and no where to live, my dad helped us get our home, my dad got him his job, everything if it wasnt for my family who knows were he would be...he was an alcoholic and a drug user, i know your thinking WHAT WAS I THINKING..i dont know i guess he was cute and i felt like he was a lost soul, i fell in love, and i gave him the benefit of the doubt, after all we did have 3 great yrs. or at least i thought, actually im lying he used to be abusive, well my point is he went from a piece of **** into a good family man, and i just cant believer he would cheat on me after all we've been through and after all my dad did for him.

Answer 1

after all you and your family has done for him and he does this sounds like there is no respect for himself or for his family. He is a adult and he knew the consquences before he took his actions and now he must deal with them. There is no such thing as accidently sleeping or being with someone else while you are married. With him abusing you and then cheating on you and you already having one child and one on the way all you can do is make a grown decision and ask yourself do you want to raise your children to see this? I was in a relationship many years ago just like that and really loved my ex husband however 5 years of the physical abuse and the drinking and cheating was enough I finally got out. It does hurt but you have to be strong if he did it once and you take him back ask yourself will you ever be able to let it go and forget it? Will the relationship be the same? will he do it again? will you have to live your life constantly asking yourself is he out there cheating again? Do you want to deal with that? I know it hurts but why put yourself through it again? You may never get over him I know i have been married to my husband now for 13 years and still once in a while think of my ex husband but am very happy with who i got and where i am in life. So only you can make your decisions and have to live with them and only we online can give opinions so from experience my opinion would be you have been seperated for a while and i would suggest stay away and get a divorce I would not want to raise children thinking it was ok to cheat on someone you love or raise your daughter to be tolerant of someone treating her like that so plain and simple ask yourself this if it was your daughter and she was going through this kind of suituation what would you want her to do?? Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

You're over the tears, and he's out of the house. Keep it that way and don't let him back in. He'll only do it again. Didn't he say that he hated you? Do you really want him back after what he did? I don't think you could trust him even if he did come back. And although he's your childrens father, what kind of an example can he really be? Take as much time you need to get over him, and put your life into perspective, and just find yourself. You don't need him, he needs you. But he doesn't want you, otherwise he wouldn't have left you in the first place. There is someone out there that will treat you like a queen, and all you have to do is focus on that and do the right thing for you and your children. You deserve better, and it's only up to you to get better. Once a loser and an abuser, always a loser and an abuser. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 3

Don't take him back! Look at all the things you and your family did for this man. And how does he repay you? By having an affair. He should we grateful to have someone like you. You made him what he is today. Without you he would be dead. I know it's hard because you have 2 wonderful children with him, but do you really want to go through all of this again? If you did take him back it would only be time until he started again. Once a cheater always a cheater. But if you really love him and believe that things can work out maybe you should try. But just remember that you deserve so much better. You sound like a great person, don't take him back and let him walk all over you. If you do take him back, make sure he knows it's on your terms. Good Luck with what ever you decide to do.

Answer 4

Sounds like this 32 year old woman is finished with him. She had her fun and has tossed him to the side, and now that he has no one to sleep with, he's going back to his wife.

You need to sit down and have a very long chat with him, to find out if he is truly sorry for cheating on you and if he feels guilty at all about doing that do you. He will need to apologise for every horrible thing he said to you and he will need to promise not to cheat on you again. Ask him why he cheated on you in the first place, and find out if there were any issues between you.

If he was just being a stupid naive man, and succumbed to this 32 y.o's flirting and suggestion, then there may be hope. She may just have gotten a thrill out of tempting a married man for her own sick enjoyment. But he will need to understand that what he did was wrong, and that it did hurt you a lot.

_If_ you decide to take him back, then you will need to lay down some ground rules. Number one - if he cheats on you again, then you will divorce him. No third chance. Just divorce. And be serious when you say it so he knows you mean business.
Number two - he will have to tell you where he goes and who he goes with. If you try to tell him to not see anyone, he will just do it behind your back. You will need to tell him that you don't mind what he does, and you won't stop him from seeing people, but you want to be able to trust him to do the right thing by you. And that he has to build back the trust.

If you decide not to take him back, it is not the end of the world. Some men don't care if a woman already has kids, and they will love your kids as much as they will love you. There will be another nice guy out there who will treat you with respect and look after you.

Answer 5

I'm a firm believer in "once a F....around, always a F....around. I feel really bad for you, and I understand you have his children, but you have to ask yourself this."Could I go through this again," and most likely you would, It sounds like the lady dumped him and now he has nowhere to go until the next time he trys this again, Love hurts I know. But girlfriend, there are so many nice guys out there just waiting and looking for someone like you! Really, besides you don't want your kids to have to go though that. And you don't need the stress while your pregnat. You have to think of the baby as well. It will get better for you Just take it one day at a time. Make him suffer for a while, like he did to you, and didn't even care about it! Remember what he said and done to you! Good Luck in what ever you decide! sunnydays

Answer 6

First of all the reason he is begging to come back is you begged for so long. The other woman probably got sick of him. So no he needs a place to go and needs a woman to lean on (use). He would probably leave again if he found another one who would pay his way. I know you have his children and it is hard to let go, but when a man does something like this to a mother of his children there is something seriously wrong with him. Especially if he cheats on his wife with an older woman. It sounds to me like he's not wanting a mother for his children, he's wanting a mother for himself! If it were me I would tell him to eat dirt and find someone else that will put up with him.

Answer 7

He is YOUNG. I doubt there is a single solitary man on the planet that was/is 22 years old who has not done the exact same thing. It doesn't make it right, but it is just how we men are at that age, and beyond that age. So your chances of finding one that isn't like that, that you could stand to be around (because that is how MEN are,) is quite slim.

Here's the good part though. As you get older, he'll calm down, but your sex drive and your level of frustration from being treated like crap for so many years will catch up to you, and before you know it, you're the one cheating. That too, is a fact of life more times than not.

You see, it all evens out. So if you're smart, you'll just stick it out with him if you love him, because you'll be getting even before it's over. That is practically a written in stone guarantee.

Answer 8

do not take him back. he is a lying cheating bastard who has no life. the chances are very likely that he will cheat again and if you take him back, that is just telling him that you forgive him.he probably only wants you back because the other girl left him and now he has noone. there are still some great guys left out there who are willing to be with you even if you have children. you need to be strong for yourself and the children. i'm not saying to take away his rights as a father, but he needs to know that the relationship is over and that cheating on you and saying all those hateful things is not forgivable. especially trying to rub it in your face about the new girlfriend being better than you. that is just wrong. my first child does not belong to my husband, but his dad put me through the same ****, and as much as i loved him i couldn't take him back after all the heartache and risk putting myself through it again. i moved about two hours away and got my life back together on my own. to this day he still trys to flirt with me when the other girl is not around and it makes me sick. he has cheated on her a few times that i know of, but she does not believe me when i tell her, she thinks i secretly want him back. well, i am stronger than that. they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. please for your own sake and self-esteem do not take him back. good luck on whatever decision that you make. i hope you make the right one.

Answer 9

The fact that he did this would be incredibly hard for me to swallow and let go. Personally, the type of lady that I am I wouldn't let it go. I am not the kind to take things lightly and some women are able to. I'm not. I would tell him to *** off if I were you. That was mean. I would move on and tell him to pay child support. No woman deserves that no matter what Satan has under his sleeve. Keep your head up. I don' t know you or your hubby but if he is capable of cheating on you and your children then I wouldn't ever feel secure AGAIN! you know? Pray to God sis he's always watching.

Answer 10

He has too many issues for you to keep putting up with him. Don't let him back . He won't stay any way; his probably dumped or got dumped by the gf and has no where else to go. He knows he can use you till something else comes along. Let yourself heal from all the abuse and hurt his put on you then you can see that you never wanted him back anyway. You'll find someone new and they'll treat you right.