I want to leave abusing hubby but I know my kids will miss him so much.?

Question

I need to leave my abusive husband. He is horrible. calls me names and puts me down and is just sick with the way he treats me. I want to go live with my mom and take our two small kids with me of course. I feel so bad for my kids because they love their father despite his actions. I feel so much turmoil inside. I know it's worst for them to grow up in an abusive home but they will be sad either way. I feel so terrible that my dream of living happily ever after has failed. I am not perfect but I don't do anything to warrant his behavior. He is sick. Even counseling isn't working for him. I want to live happily and peacefully. Please help!

Answer 1

It's not too late for happily ever after just not with this guy. If you don't leave him for yourself, do it for your children. It would be terribly wrong for them to grow up in that kind of environment. Do you have any girls? She will grow up thinking that this is how SHE deserves to be treated. That is almost a given. Do you have any boys? Do you want him to grow up treating women in this way? The have a chance at living productive, meaningful, and healthily lives if you get them away from this while they are still young. Of course they wont understand now but you are there mother. That is your responsibility...to make these hard decisions to protect them. Children don't know enough about life to be basing these kinds of decisions on what they want and don't want.

Oh, and I dont agree with some of the others. Kids should NOT be troubled with adult problems. They are not ready to understand them yet. It is too troubling for them. It takes away their childhood. It puts too much on their plate so to speak and their school and life will suffer. They are ADULT problems. Tell them about him when they are older and when you think they are ready. They dont need to know that daddy is abusive yet. They just need to know that its not working out and what that means to them.

Answer 2

You have to leave your husband sooner or later, soon's the best. Even you admited that it's worst for your kids to grow up in an abusive home. Your kids must be going through a lot of stress too by witnessing their violence at home. It would be better for them to be away from their abusive father. Leaving your husband does not mean shutting him out of your kids life for good. Even after separation, your kids can visit their father every now and then. As long as they are safe and away from your abusive husband, then all will be well. Of course they will miss their father, but soon they will notice that their better off without living with him. And it's also very important for yourself to leave him because he is going against your rights by calling you names and putting you down. Show the man that you can stand up for yourself. Since counselling isn't working for him, there is no way out besides leaving him once and for all. Good luck to you and your kids.

Answer 3

I suspect you will say he wasn't this way when you first met, but I contend to all men and women that the knwoledge of this is repressed or not the right amount of analysis was done early on in the relationship. I know this does not help you immediately, but since money management and sex/relationships is a bulk of our adult life, there ought to be classes from grade 1, even to the extent of 1/3 of the classroom instruction on managing money and mate selection and I bet women would be picking among the fewer decent guys and a large amount of them would either have to reform or be neglected but it's the opposite at this time.

I hope you stopped having sex with him long ago. You must do what is right to cease the relationship at once and forget about him. No need to hang onto him like women tend to do. The longer you wait and then get rid of him then expect a decent guy to come into your life, the new guy could think why couldn't you avail yourself early and not give the bad guys all the fun and attention.

Answer 4

1st of all, I wanna applause u for being a caring, considerated mother who thinks about her children's physical and psychological well-beings. Now, u said "I am not perfect", does it mean dat u've cheated on him? If dat is da case, I can understand why he's been behavioring and treating u dat way. There's an old saying "where there's a smoke, there's a fire". But if he physically and emotionally abuse u then it's definitely not a good relationship. It 's up to u and only u can make dat decision of whether u wanna stay w/ ur hb or not. Either way, it still not a good environment for ur kids(I assume he's a biological father to them) to grow up.

Perhaps, Dr Phil or John Edward from the show "Crossing Over" may be able to help u & ur hubby.

Answer 5

I feel ya. I know that you know what is right, thats the first thing. And that should be your answer. Think of it this way. Do you want your daughter to stay in an abusive relationshiip? Or do you want your son to be an abuser?? The answer is no I am sure. These are reasons enough to let this go. But as for the children. This will prolly be hard on them, but in the long run they will see why, and will thank you for it. Everyone can see things when they get older. Be safe.

Answer 6

I think that you should do whats best for YOU!!
Even though the kid's will be sad and miss their father. I think that they will have a good life, despite not living with their father, but your mom will take good care of you and the kids. So I think that you should do whats best for you and the kids. And you will have a happy and enjoyable life without your abusive husband putting you down and the way he treats you !!! And whatever decision you make I hope you enjoy your life with your kids.

Answer 7

No question: leave..and the sooner the better. Get to a half-way house or shelter if you have to, but get out NOW. Sure, your children will be unhappy in the short run, but they will respect you when they get older and understand things better.

And, your dream of living happily ever after sounds like you may be living with one foot in a fantasy world. You can still have lots of happiness in your life, but it's not going to happen in your current situation.

Get to a safe place right now...for yourself and your children.

Answer 8

unfortunately i hate to tell you this but happily ever after never happens. nothing will ever be perfect in life and that's definately not your fault. if you arent there what would happen to your kids? leave and file for divorce. your kids may not understand now but when theyre older they will and theyll thank you too because you kept them from being abuse by their father, which most likely would have happened. how old are you by the way? most people know that there's no such thing as happily ever after.

Answer 9

You take those babies of yours and get out of there now while you can before he ends up killing you. Living in abuse is no way to live. The kids sees how he treats you and they are going to grow up thinking that it is ok to treat people that way. He can have visitation with those kids once the court lets him. You are thinking of the kids and that is good but you need to get them and you out of there now!

Answer 10

That is a really tough situation but if it's any consolation you are not the only one living with these kind of problems. But one thing I am sure of is that you can't stay in that situation. YOu need to leave him and take the children with you. The terrible relationship you are in now will be passed on to your children in their future relationships when they are older unless you remove them from that enviornment. Good luck and get out.