i have a great husband and we have 3 children we have been together for 10 years. i was 16 and he was 17 when we hooked up. the thing is i dont feel happy and i feel there is no connection anymore. i care for him deeply but not inlove anymore. i feel that we settled way too early and its catching up and i feel its going to tear our family apart. do i try block this out like i have the last few years and keep trying or do i call it quits for good.
2006-11-05 16:35:27 · 18 answers · asked by lesley d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to see a therapist or counselor... and also, perhaps a marriage counselor. you have to give it your all.
leaving/giving up WILL tear your family apart... so, don't do that.
it isn't like you are going to get the past back or like you can re-live the past, so work with what you have NOW.
2006-11-05 16:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"i have a great husband and we have 3 children we have been together for 10 years."
That's reason enough to roll up your sleeves and get to work. Confront your husband and tell him that you need some help and that you want him to work with you. Next, ask around to find a competent and affordable family and marriage counselor. You were "in" love once, you can get back there again. Love will look and feel different than it did at 17, but it can be more rich and rewarding. "Calling it quits" is not the answer...at least, not at this stage. You're an adult now. Three children are counting on you to do your very best. You're a mother as well as a wife. You are all a family. Get going...you've got a lot of work to do.
2006-11-05 16:48:01 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are going through a "growing up" phase where you are realizing that not everything in life is all about you or crazy in love all the time! The excitement and happiness you are seeking can be found by sharing experiences together. With three kids, you probably are stressed and tired most of the time. You need to find a way (however you do it) to do something creative just for yourself every week. (Like a dance class, acting class, singing lesson, horse back riding...whatever turns you on). Let Daddy take care of the kids for 1/2 day on Saturday mornings while Mommy goes to refuel. Saturday evenings should only be date night out. No kids. Try this faithfully for six months and see how that works for you. Once final suggestion.....Saturday date night might be doing volunteer work together....that is an incredible bonding experience! Here's a great place to start:
www.volunteermatch.com
Good luck!
Hugs,
Ginger
2006-11-05 16:41:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not in love anymore then there are problems. First of all, you cannot be committed and devoted to a relationship if there is no love there. Does he know how you feel? Do you know what is wrong and what it would take to fix it? Have you told him this. Send the kids to grandma's house for the weekend. Sit down together and talk. There is no way you can continue this lifestyle and relationship without love being part of the picture. There is also no way to fix it without communication and understanding between you. If you want to fix it, communicate. If not then pack and go. That is the only two options and you know that either you can work it out through communication or you can condemn it and later say boy I wish we would have just sat down and talked it out. Talking it out may also not fix the problem, but at least you will be able to tell your kids that you both tried to fix it and it wasn't meant to be and at least mom and dad both can say that they tried.
2006-11-05 16:45:10 · answer #4 · answered by Big "D" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need marriage counceling. No marriage is going to be a cake walk. Marriage is tough. But you need to look at what caused you to fall in love with your husband in the first place. Another, do things together, just spend time together. Set aside a night for a date night, like going out to dinner. If you fell out of love, you can fall back into love with him. To make a marriage work it takes the both of you to work at it. DON'T divorce, if you think it is tearing up the family now, think of what divorce will do to the kids. I hear people say that the kids will be ok. It WON'T!!
Divorce is hardest on the kids, because they see mom & dad not getting along, and they think that it's their fault. One thing that I would suggest is make a list of things that you appriciate about your husband. It will surprise you, and you may just find yourself falling in love with him all over again. Especially when you think about the things that you appriciate about him.
Hope that this helps.
Take care and God Bless
2006-11-05 17:16:28 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just A Couple Of Words DONT DO IT! Dude There Is PLenty Of Dudes In The Sea.....And Thats Ur Friends BF AND She Hasnt Had A Bf In 5 Years If You Shouldnt Ruin That! And Shes Never Been Kissed.....Just DOnt Be Selfish Ok Think Of Her Not You!! If Your Even Thinkin Of This Your Not Her Best Friend!
2016-05-22 02:55:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No good relationship ever stays good effortlessly; they all require periodic maintenance and some downright hard work now and then! People often get complacent in their relationships, and things stagnate as communication declines for whatever reason. There is hope to salvage what you have, and that should be what you are trying to do. A couples therapist can help with discussions in a neutral environment, expressing each of your needs, and exercises to help build that "old feeling" back up. You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your kids to give it your all and do everything you can to try to make it work!
2006-11-05 16:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by true_halcyon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were very young when you got married and it's only natural to think of all the things that you missed out on. But, you have children. What you need to focus on is providing your children the most stable, secure home that you can. If you husband is a good man and a good father, then stay with him and give you kids the stability that they need. If you don't, you children will suffer.
2006-11-05 16:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of quitting, why not work on the marriage you have? How will your kids be with a divorce? All marriages go through a honeymoon period then you have to settle down and work on them. Why not look for ways to put the spark back?
Did you know that the failure rate of second marriages is worse than first time marriages?
I hope you have a great life, but please keep trying.
2006-11-05 16:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by teef_au 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl you need to tell him that he needs to show you more attention before you go off and find it with someone else. that was my first thought.. really I think you could use some real good counseling about right now. if you are thinking this was you might just do something you are going to regret. ask your man if he is feeling the same way if so you all can work this out in counseling together. I know what you are going through and counseling helped us out.
2006-11-05 16:43:05 · answer #10 · answered by cindy b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to figure out what is best for you and your 3 children, even if they don't see you unhappy, they know. Have you ever tried getting help? Sometimes that can help, but sometimes, you are just out of love. Just like you can't help who you love, you can't help who you don't. As a parent, I have to say think of your children first, but if they are not happy because you are not happy, I think it is time to let it go. Good luck to you and your family, I hope it all works out well for all of you.
2006-11-05 16:39:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋