Therapist is making me feel guilty about leaving abusive husband, how do I get through this?

Question

For some reason, I am allowing my therapist to make me feel guilty because I want to leave my emotionally and verbally ausive husband of 12 years. She's telling me that I haven't given it enough time and it's worthwhile. She wants me to have patience with him. He is not taking it seriously and he has already began abusing me again. Last night we were drinking champagne and chillin I asked him a simple question " Is our daughter (she's 6) going to be in his brother's upcoming wedding?". He said that he didn't know . I said that would be a shame cause she's the perfect age etc. He jumped up and flipped out! He said that I am not going to talk about his people and I'm not **** to him and he hopes I drop dead. he said that I'm an ignorant *** ***** who will never be **** and i need to shut the **** up! He proceeded to through the blanket over my face and pick up a pillow as if to smother me. I kept my mouth shut. i fear that he may hurt me. Should I leave before filing 4 divorce?

We have a daughter 6 and a son whos' 4. He has choked me 3 times in the past so yes he has already been physical.

Answer 1

My gosh, yes, u should leave right away. Your therapist is an idiot and has no clue how it feels to live with an abusive partner. Leave him asap! Don't let anyone make u feel guilty. It's your life.

BTW, u should fire your therapist.

Answer 2

People do not grow up over night.If you were married at a young age,take into consideration,he is probably treating you the same way he saw his dad treat his mother.From what you say about him,you have a good man he just needs a little adjustment.When thinking of leaving,you have to consider the fact,it's not just your feelings.If you leave now,your children may have the idea that this is how men treat women,Then the cycle continues on to another generation!And worse of all the children won't have their dad at home every night.And another thing to think about,You say you want someone to love and respect you?You may get lucky and find a good man to love and respect you.But remember the children,most men do not want to take care of another man's children!I'm not saying all men are like that,but a large number are.You will constantly be worrying whether or not the new guy is going to abuse or molest your children.The grass usually is never greener on the other side.At least you know what you have at home and with a little adjusting from both of you may save your marriage........... I'm not trying to tell you what you should do,My x was a lot like you describe your husband.I left! That was 15 years ago.I have regretted it every day!I discovered over the years,I also needed to grow up!And here I sit today,alone!Answering questions on Yahoo! But! If you feel in your heart that there's no way he will change,then leaving is your only chance to be happy.Follow your heart!

Answer 3

Yes you should and don't let anyone or your therapist make you feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong, your husband is the one that has anger problems. You tried everything you can, plus, seek help! Your therapist was suppose to help you, you should'nt see that therapist again. You don't need to give your husband anymore chances or be patient with him, he won't change, he even could get worse and eventually kill you. He needs professional help and you can't help him or change him. You need to leave right away with your daughter, don't wait for anything and to stay in that relationship or when your divorce is final is not healthy for you or your daughter. It would hurt her more to see you in that situation and chances are she could grow up and be with an abuser. It has been known to happen. No one has any right to put their hands on another human being and especially a man should never hit a woman for any reason. Any man like that is the lowest piece of dirt on this planet and a scared, coward little boy.

Answer 4

Eva, honey child, drop the therapist. Take your daughter and leave this abusive husband.
You need to get out before he physically hurts you to the point were you are in the hospital or dead. What if he starts doing the same thing to your daughter? Besides it is not healthy for your daughter to see this happening to you.
You need to get out soon as possible. There should be woman's shelters you can go to for a short time if you can't stay with family or friends or if money is short.
Get a good attorney. Find a new therapist. I would also suggest you have your attorney ask the judge to order his visitation be supervised to make sure he doesn't try to do this to your daughter.
Good luck and be safe.
Peace

Answer 5

I don't want to sound like I'm defending the therapist ,because I'm not if that's what she /he said .But I know when I was thinking of leaving my husband ,I thought every one was making me feel guilty too ,I think we feel guilty because we are just made that way so we hear all the words that confirm our own feelings ,I left despite the guilt and it was the best thing I could have done.You need to write an honest list of his good and bad points ,document the abuse ,so you can refer back to your list any time you feel bad.After you leave ,you need to be honest about your part in the marriage so you can learn why you ended up here ,It is not your fault he is a jerk but sometimes we choose jerks for a reason.For me it was because I was abused as a child as so felt I didn't deserve better ,Do this for you and your kids so you don't end up back here again.PS ,yes leave before you divorce him ,divorce can bring out anger in an already violent man ,get away first.

Answer 6

I must say I agree with the other people that this therapist is in need of license censure or termination.

You should first while your husband is not around, contact the local battered women's shelter. Document every instance of abuse toward you or your child, either physical or verbal. Develop a plan to financially secure all you can before making sure you and your child disappear from his life in one bold and solid move, only answer his interrogatory papers through your attorney. You may need to move far away, do you have family in some other state?

If you do not do this and soon, it won't be long before you will be witness to him doing this to his daughter. And if you DO allow this to happen to her,you, as well as he, risk losing parental rights.

Answer 7

Does your therapist know this much detail about the abuse? If so, you need a knew one. If not, that's why she's telling you to give it more time. I think you need to move out & if you feel your life will be endangered by doing this, than file for a restraining order. It's also unhealthy for your daughter to see/hear the abuse. Protect yourself & your child - move out, your husband can take care of himself. In the meantime, look into your own attitude, your comment about the wedding - it'd be a shame if your daughter wasn't in it etc - is a little overbearring, that's not your husbands call, so don't nag him about stuff that's not under his control. But that's still no reason for him to lose that much control over himself.

Answer 8

At six years old I had to watch my father chase my mother down the stairs and when she fell I watched as he kicked her in the ribs several times. I did not remember this again until age 12 when I saw a movie on domestic violence. I then asked my mom if what I remember was correct and the tears that ran down her cheeks answered my question. My Dad did not physically abuse my mother often but enough for me to remember. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to her and now emotionally abusive to me since my daughter has been born. My Mother left him and returned to him when I was 1,6, talked about it at 13, and for good when I was 16. Believe me the emotional and verbal can turn physical. For your little girl sake please leave before she sees that and it effects her for the rest of her life. Since you have a child this is not just about you. There are alot of good therapist out there so find another one quickly. May God Bless you and your little angel.

Answer 9

nobody deserves to be mistreated. If your husband can't commicate and understand you after 12 years, i think you should move on ASAP - there's a special someone waiting for you out there that will treat you right. Don't worry that you have children, you're not the first to be in this situation. Leave him, take your children and get a restraining order on him. And.... that therapist is full of S****.

Answer 10

Yes, leave him. He does not treat you good. If he loved you he would not tswear at you and tell you the things he does. You would be better off without him even if it is hard at first. Honey you are worth being treated better.

Leave now, you cant divorce untill you have lived 1 year apart anyways.

When I left my abusive partnet he went out for a fishing trip. I called my dad and uncle. 1 hour and 2 trucks later I was out of there and I never looked back with regret.

Answer 11

Your husband sounds to me like a real SICKO ! Sounds to me like you and your daughter would be alot better off without him. Does he talk down to you in front of your daughter, or other people? Has he ever hit you? Verbal abuse is so downgrading, and can make you feel really bad about yourself. I am afraid for you, because verbal abuse can often lead to physical abuse. He has no right talking to you like that. You should leave him, unless he can learn the meaning of the word RESPECT !