Am 38, happily married and have a child. I met this 23 year old guy online, chatted with him, spoke to him on the phone and became emotionally very close to him very fast. We met after a month. I was not prepared for anything further. But as it happened he made the first move and i didn't stop him. Now i feel am in love with him. We both don't want any commitments or to get together permanently. But we are deeply attached to each other and want this friendship. We are separated by distance and he wants me to visit his city. Am both worried and also wondering what that visit will lead to. I have no expectations from him but I can't break away too. Can i continue as a friend?
2006-11-05 16:19:55 · 17 answers · asked by amconfused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is flattering to have a much younger man interested in you. This is dangerous ground you are treading upon, but you already know that. You are risking your "happily married" condition and also the loss of your child, if you pursue adultery. Is he worth all that? I doubt it.
He can have his cake and move on. You, on the other hand, may be quite devastated. You may contract a STD, get pregnant, or simply end up humiliated and full of guilt, shame, and sin.
This cannot continue as a friendship; it has already passed that boundary. You "feel you are in love...want no commitments...or to get together permanently." Sounds like sex is the attraction. Is it worth it? You can have that with your husband.
I suggest you cut your losses...tell him you cannot continue, delete your chatting account, do not answer his phone calls, and count your blessings.
Find a way to share emotionally with your husband. Go into marriage counseling if you need it. Think of your child.
May God bless you and guide you in this important decision.
2006-11-05 16:31:17 · answer #1 · answered by Annamaria 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The age difference is NOT THE ISSUE! You say you are happily married! But if that were true then you wouldn't be fooling around with anybody, let alone a 23 yo kid.
This isn't something that just happened either. You went on-line & chatted, & step by step took it further & further until you went too far. If something is wrong with your marriage then you can't fix it by bringing in a 3rd party, & developing an outside relationship.
You don't have a male/female "friendship" you are having an affair with a younger man. To continue this on any level from this point on is absolutely positively CHEATING!
So make up your mind! Do you want to stay "happily married"? Or do you want to trash it all by having an affair?
I recommend that you stop worrying about your relationship with your boyfriend, & start thinking about your HUSBAND. Do you love your husband? I bet you think you won't get caught, but what if you did? How would he take it? What would this do to your kids?
If it's your intention to stay "happily married" then end this outside relationship NOW, & get back to your marriage, & hope that your husband never figures out what has happened.
2006-11-06 00:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I'm really hearing from you is that you aren't happy with the relationship that you currently have with your husband. By the way, how can you say that you are deeply attached to this boy and not say that you don't want commitments? You are going to be hurt, to say nothing of your husband.
Listen to this. You have a right to an *improving* marriage. Obviously you don't have what you want right now. It's both your and your husband's job to at least try to improve what you've got. Isn't there a song that says "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with?" So think very carefuly about what choices you are making.
If I were you, I'd cut off all contact with this guy and then go into counselling with your husband. Things will get better for you, but only if you and your partner decide to try to make them better.
2006-11-06 02:05:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You may try to continue as a "friend" with him, but it will eventually lead to something else. You already feel like you're in love with him, even though you are happily married. Because of this, it is impossible to be friends with him. If you visit his city, you are playing with fire. You will end up doing something you regret, and you will feel immense guilt. If you want to stay happily married, you cannot continue being involved with this guy. It will be hard to do, but worth it.
2006-11-06 00:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by newmum06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chapter 20, verses 1 to 17: I am a lay person not a preacher
1. And God spake all these words, saying
14. Thou shalt not commit adultery. This is the law in any religion. You are on a path to destroy you happy home and surely it will happen. This young man is only using you for sex he can not commit any thing You will certainly not be able to hide this relationship for long So leave him get back to your family and be happy and thank God for what you have. Ask for forgiveness from the Lord
2006-11-06 00:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by R C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can you continue as a friend? You are in too deep to be friends. Seems to me that you need to make a choice: Continue risking your marriage for a kid that can probably do nothing for you if you got caught and your husband divorced you and one that you don't even truly know or leave your happy marriage (which doesn't make sense, how are you happy if you cheat? Verbally or physcially? Do you do it for sport?) and develop a relationship with this guy. Think about it.
2006-11-06 00:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Can i continue as a friend?" - no
"...he wants me to visit his city. Am both worried and also wondering what that visit will lead to." - you're kidding, right?
You're playing with fire. If you continue with this fantasy, you are going to ruin your marriage and screw up your child's future. Is it worth it? Get yourself to a competent family counselor and find out which one of your gears is out of alignment. Fast.
2006-11-06 00:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a commitment. Seeing another guy, especially through the help of the net, is definitely not a smart thing to do
2006-11-06 00:31:41 · answer #8 · answered by thismigs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt consider this a friend.Nor a friendship any longer.Your only digging yourself a hole.Do you think your husband would like this?omg.You must have no feelings for your husband or this would have never have taken place.Your desperately missing something in your marraige.I realy feel sorry for you.
2006-11-06 00:51:51 · answer #9 · answered by Neece 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are old enough to know better. It is a bad idea. Do you really want to jeopardize your family over someone so young and might not even be able to offer you a life........ Break everything off. Remove temptation.
2006-11-06 00:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋