I've been with this man for 9yrs, we got married 2yrs ago and have a son... I found out that my marrage was a lie, he's been cheating on me all along. We are separated now and I'm about to file for divorce...but why do I still love him and how can I get over him...?
2006-11-05 15:08:45 · 23 answers · asked by Morena 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its hard not to care anymore.
Stay mad and it makes it easier to leave.
2006-11-05 15:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't love him. You need to take a good look at your self. Evaluate exactly what "love" means to you. Then check out what "love" actually is. Apparently you don't have a clue. It is obvious you do not love your self or you would not allow anyone to treat you badly, let alone claim you love them after they do it. Think about it. Would you let someone physically beat you up, maybe give you a black eye, break your arm. Would you love that person? When some one is abusive towards you, the normal response would be to despise that person IF you had any self respect or love for your self. So I suggest you take some time to take care of you and take care of your child. You have been abused by this person and your son and you deserve a better life then a life of deceit and cheating. You could end up with AIDS or HCV or some other illness. As dishonest as he is, how do you know he would not do something to your child? He has never let you know him. You can't say you know him because he has always lied to you. He is a stranger. You can not love a stranger.
2006-11-05 23:28:30 · answer #2 · answered by skooter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the father of your child. How can you not love someone who helped make the most wonderful aspect of your life? You gave 9 years to this guy. It'll be very hard to get over. But just remember, just because you love him doesn't mean you have to like him. I'd suggest keeping busy with your son as well as some time for you. There are guys out there that deserve a devoted woman like you. Keep you head up.
2006-11-05 23:52:00 · answer #3 · answered by *Kacie* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you still love him because thats the man you fell in love with thats the man that you spend those 9 years usually 11 years but dont worry husbanda or boyfriends come and go just get a divorce he's not worthed to cry over or for you to waste your time.Try paying attention to your son or do some activities that get your mind of him.meet other people just imagine that you were another person those 11 years you wasted be glad that you have a beutiful son.
2006-11-05 23:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by Araliz O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't really love him. Because what you thought you had with him is a lie. You are just unsure about life without him, but once you get past him, you'll be fine, better than you've ever been. It just takes time. Not too many people like to step out of their comfort zone even if it wasnt all that great. You have to take a "leap of faith," and "reach" for the sky. Don't stay stuck in your past, you'll eventually see that it's not worth it, after you move on.
2006-11-05 23:13:14 · answer #5 · answered by Sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daljack said it right - you may still love the fantasy and not the reality of him. I've been there and it can be impossible to tell them apart.
It sounds like you need closure.
The fact that he cheated and it didn't slam a door for you, says a lot. That is a door slammer, a deal breaker, in any relationship. He has something you still want - identify what it is and try to rid yourself of it. You will be glad you did, when you look back and see the time you wasted trying to get it.
2006-11-05 23:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love the man you thought he was. You love the best things that you saw in him.
He really is not that person. He is a scum bag who never loved you as you deserve to be loved. He cheated and lied. He had no respect for you or your feelings.
Put away the ideas you once had of him. He is not that person. Look at what he really is - he cheated on you all along. He had no respect for you. All the times he said he loved you were lies. If he loved you he would have respected you. Remember him how he truly is - not in your dreams!
2006-11-05 23:18:51 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love what you thought he was, not what he really is. You['re in love with your IMAGE of this guy, not the real person..... How to get over it? Time, for one thing, then find a nice guy.... that again, may take some time, but try dating services like Yahoo, and Match. Lotsa nice people there, and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church, hon.
2006-11-05 23:41:53 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will get over him- and don't feed the love feelings anymore- that will help- sorry to hear it= you should have seen signs b4 this- next time don't ignore the warning signals- read up on co-dependcy- and don't go out and get another like him= D
2006-11-05 23:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu cant just get over 9 years of what you thought were the best years of your life and a lie. Just becuase he was cheating doesnt mean that you were. You were in it with all your heart. That, you cant just get over. It will be alright, hang in there.
2006-11-05 23:23:35 · answer #10 · answered by panchorific 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I suppose it's because, your still in love with the man you thought he was, not who he really is. All the wonderful times, wonderful things is what you love. In other words, you could have a hard time excepting he's different than you thought he was.
2006-11-05 23:13:18 · answer #11 · answered by Nitisho Knows all 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋